Posted on 04/23/2008 9:56:59 AM PDT by Lazamataz
I've been trying to cope with life as it is today. It's different than it was, that's for sure.
About July of 2006, I met the woman of my dreams. Intelligent, very pretty, highly sexually-charged, professional, able to understand my offbeat humor, seemingly very compatible with me in every way. Soon after starting to date, we began to plan to marry. Our target date was June of 2007.
Some things began to bother me, however. She seemed to make major changes, quickly. She converted in levels of religious fervor, and seemed to change in core directions, too quickly. I began to see various, if small, lies.
Too, I had my problems. I was beginning to become judgemental about her. I wasn't accepting who she was, but who I wanted her to be. She was judgemental and controlling in return.
I noticed she had a huge low self-esteem, and I also have been cursed with that -- although I am working on myself, diligently. She admitted to me that she had bulimia, but then lied about individual episiodes. There were times she smelled like vomit, but swore she hadn't acted out.
Well, around about October of last year, she hooked up with the father of her child, a 5x convicted felon and currently-active crackhead.
She called me last week because she needed groceries. Apparently, she started using crack with him, picking up this habit at the age of 42. She lost her job. Her car's about to be repossessed. She has no electricity. She's fallen apart. Her skin tone, normally beautiful, is ashen. She looks about 10 years older than she did. Her hair was a mess. She had bruises all over her. She's gained 20-30 lbs, and has a big belly now, and fat legs. She wasn't attractive any more. She just wasn't.
Her house is trashed. There is damage to many of the interior door jams, like someone busted in. There is trash on the floor everywhere. There doesn't appear to be a clean dish in the house. The hallways had empty crack bags in them. The clothes they wore looked unwashed.
Ray had a big bite mark on his arm where she bit to the muscle. She's become an animal -- an animal who bites. She was spiritually vacant. Her eyes had no soul.
She's absolutely not for me. She hates herself. She's incapable of love. She doesn't even give a *** about her daughter. That's the toughest part to see. She says her daughter is a typical rebellious teenager. MAYBE it has a LITTLE to do with the fact that the house is falling into a pit of horror, and her Mom is high on crack, drunk out of her mind, fighting and biting her husband until he bleeds.
She's dangerously insane. I will never consider being with her for a minute. I cannot believe I almost married this nutcase. I need better discernment.
Did you meet her through an on-line dating service?
LOL! That should be the FreeRepublic quote of the week!
And yet there are idiots who claim we have lost the War on Drugs. And so therefore we should accept our losses and legalize this crap. Or de-criminalize it.
People like that make me want to puke!
I hate drugs. And I say we should continue the fight. Is it expensive? Hell, yeah. But a far sight cheaper than building hospitals and prisons for the millions of new addicts that we would have if we abandoned our principles and let the pushers win.
I’m so sorry for your greif there Laz.
You have my support.
The Dr. Phil Show is down the hall to the right... ;-)
I hear ya, Laz. We all have to be far more careful these days than ever before.
But at least you avoided marriage! The REALLY scary thing lately is how quickly people are changing within a marriage. You could be married to a good, conservative, level-headed spouse one day, and wake up months later and discover they’ve become a moonbat. The influences on people these days — whether they be other people, mass media, or whatever — can alter a person you thought you knew so quickly.
Hang in there. We’re all in this together! (Channeling Red Green)
You need to recognize and be thankful for God’s blessings.
That all of this happened before you married her is a blessing. Cut the strings and move on. And don’t rush into anything. You’d think an intelligent guy like Rush Limbaugh would learn, but he doesn’t and keeps getting involved in losers.
A sharp knife cuts the cleanest. I mean that metaphorically, of course. Just cut her out of your life and be done with it.
Use your free time to better yourself, in whatever capacity you deem that appropriate.
And, again, count your blessings.
I am an addict in recovery myself. The issue is not the drugs. The SYMPTOM is the drugs. The ISSUE is the incredible lack of self-worth and absence of any self-love.
I am sorry you are going through this. I have had friends who have gone down that road too. I refuse to help them. I tried that & it has never worked. I would change my locks if she has any keys & don’t give her any money. Prayers for her & for you...Pandy
Stay strong, my man.
No, I met her at work. Our first date was a church revival. Our second was a Narcotics Anonymous meeting that I took her to. Pretty damned good start, I thought!
Has the family taken the daughter in; before child services finds out and puts her in foster care?
Hugs and Prayers for you as well, Laz, you'll get through this and be stronger for it. Then you can find the right one!!
Drugs and any relationship is a recipe for disaster. Been there, dun that. Thank God it’s been a couple decades since I wised up.
I also dated a woman who was mildly into drugs at the time. A true stunner, that one. Probably the single most beautiful woman I ever saw, and I’m not exaggerating... tall, long brown hair, ice blue eyes, Irish Catholic all the way.
Saw her about a year later, she had gotten way more into the drugs and looked like a train wreck.
Alot of women these days are pretty high maintenance. If you can find one that truly appreciates the little things, you’ve found a gold mine. You’ll see it in her eyes and know.
Other than that, Laz, I would say she was your perfect match!
Anti-depressants, especially the SSRIs can cause this. My wife became a “New-Woman” who needed to move on from my daughter and I. Until she woke the hell up and got off of the crap. I week later, she was my wife again, and scared to death about what she had nearly done.
So what are you doing next Thursday?
When my wife of 20 years first presented papers, as a complete shock to me at the time, I told her “But I love you, Bambi (not her real name).” She said, “I know you do, but the Bambi you love is a figment of your imagination.”
That was 11 years ago and I remember that moment like it happened this morning.
I honestly did not know life could be as good as the last eleven years turned out to be, and the major reason is that I DID find the woman of my dreams, and just a few months later!
Oh, and “Bambi” was absolutely right!
Laz, the woman you loved did not change. The woman you loved never existed.
Hang in there, Laz...that’s all I can tell ya. I too almost married a woman who turned out to be not as she seemed, thankfully I didn’t, or I wouldn’t have met the great woman I did marry.
Hey Laz, did you post this before? I’m having some day-ja-vu here.
It’s too bad what some people do to themselves, a true waste.
Glad you’re back and out of that mess. I was starting to worry about you.
Now I have seen everything.
It looks like you are seriously hurting right now. Thank goodness there weren’t any kids involved. Although it’s hard you need to mentally move on. Just understand that we each pick the lessons we subject ourselves to and your ex appears to have picked a really rough one to tackle. You need to trust that she will sort it out in her own way. Treat this as a learning experience and look for the life lessons you can take away from this.
Best of luck.
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