That's for the young. I'm more than happy to be the grandma: I DO want to spoil my "grands"!!!
Posted on 04/12/2008 5:13:34 PM PDT by chasio649
Oh me too. I don't want to be malleable, therein lies the problem. The desire to continually work to accommodate and please somebody else is no longer there.
I disagree I think there is someone for everyone. There are those best kept alone such as with predators. I do think the most unnatural thing a person can do is not desire to forge a long term relationship bond with another. It is unfortunate that many choose another who does not compliment them but that does not change the fact that human beings are designed to form families. Nature dictates as much, it is our modern world built on abstract lies that has corrupted ideas of relationships and sexuality and families to the point where it is sometimes easier to stay alone. However I am of the bent that a person is best that challenges themselves.
I could’ve individually fed my ego and my entertainment had I not gotten married and become a father. I could’ve had spurious relationships that pass in the night till they are more like dreams than reality but I would have been a lesser man. I think it is really about attitude and facing the fear because many are fearful of giving up even one inch of ego, compromising one foot of space, granting one anyone admission to their heart. That said I know do know of some who are happier and choose the life for religious purposes but they would be happy regardless and they are usually very social and spend their time helping others. This is not usually the case though. I see far many giving up having families and relationships because of fear, because of greed, and for positions of power. I find this very saddening but that is their choice. What I object to is a media and culture that lifts up solitude and easy living as natural when their is nothing less so in the history of man.
People are not meant to go through life alone and young people especially should be encouraged to think about how their activities will build to the point of forming healthy families rather than resentful bonds and empty marriages.
Thanks.
Unnggghhh. Ewwwwww. Barf. I guess that covers it for now.
You’d think that being fit, moderately successful, never married, no kids, having a good disposition, would be enough to start a relationship.
Ha!
Not if you’re conservative!
Don’t believe the ladies calling themselves “middle of the road”......they’re liberals!
Do you realize the arrogance of your post? I’m not saying it’s the vast majority, but wow-— don’t you believe in individuals? And no, not everyone on the planet pairs up like on Noah’s arc. Some of us are one of a kind without a match.
I’m 51 years old, I’ve been married and widowed twice— I hated the basic structure of marriage and felt buried alive. I had roomates in college, grew up and a house full of people and I was always happiest when the house was empty and things were quiet.
And I repeat, being alone is when I am the strongest, the happiest, the most real and honest. It’s when I can go out into the world and be a good employee, a good friend, a good teacher, a good Aunt, a good sister....a good person. Take away my solitude and I’m purely in hell. No other way to paint it.
I tried, and tried, and tried and was miserable—— because there were people like you around me that convinced me that I was a freak unless I wasn’t alone. But I am not a freak, and I am happier alone. I’m more of a freak when I try to be someone I’m not.
Yes, I have gobs of friends and family. I have a very full and busy life. And it’s by far a 1000 times better than when I tried to ‘be with someone’.
You realize that the only way I could ‘be with someone’ is if they were an individual content on seeing me only 1 hour a day and a few hours on weekends? And often then, I want to be left to myself. That’s all I want or can tolerate at the end of the day. So no, I’m not wired for marriage or ‘pairing’ unless there is an equal hermit willing to sleep in another room (yes, I cant’ sleep next to another person, no matter how tired)
I repeat, we are not the majority, but we do exist. We are not bad, just different. Respect us and we’ll respect you.
ping to post #42
I can't imagine not being married, but not all marriages are alike.
Thank you. Happy marriages are wonderful to see and yeah, maybe if I as born a different person. But I’m not. So instead, I’m the good friend of married people and that’s my job ;)
I’m not even talking about you. I am sorry that you assumed that. You did your part you didn’t isolate yourself and pride yourself in being alone or unattached. Why are you taking this personally? I was referring to those discussed in the article who place all the wrong things ahead of growing up and progressing to build families. I wasn’t talking about widows and those who have through no act of their own found themselves alone. I do find something very wrong with a culture that celebrates careerism and individualism that is bordering on selfishness and vanity.
Human beings are meant to grow up and form bounds and families. That is a basic truth and that is not about Noah’s ark but about science. I could be harsher and say that those who pride themselves in not forming families are at a very basic level choosing to be unfit as Darwin would put it. I’m just addressing the lie of the modern world. I do not have any gripe with those who choose to live and be alone personally. I just think that such stories about how young women are choosing to forgo families is unnatural and harmful to them in the long run. Also it is harmful to the human race. No one is required to care about the human race because we are individuals but as long as we are talking discussing a bunch of freemales I think rational analysis based on simple truth should be considered first versus the tired old liberal feminism that has left us a bunch of used up bitter aging women who have oppressed men and women alike with their vapid ideas which have made it harder for women and men to communicate and love one another and simply be happy or content. Again I am not talking about you. Please do not take this personally. I just am very tired of the arguments that raise up the most egocentric and selfish individuals among us as if they are the rule and the paths they lead as the most desirable and most “intelligent”.
If you are as you describe then you seem to be a wonderful vibrant person. I thank you for taking the time to respond to me in such a thoughtful fashion since I imagine that one hour a day you spend leaves little time for anything else. ;-) I wish you well najida. (I am a tad bit arrogant but I still am often right.) lol
:)
Fair enough. The only reason I responded the way I did is I really wish I hadn’t listened to those who made be believe that my life would be better ‘with someone’ and something was wrong with me because I wasn’t paired up.
I wish I had learned who I was about 15 years sooner, I could have avoided a lot of misery. I wasn’t meant to be married EVER! Not only was my life hell, but those around me. So yeah, I’m here to cheer on the young ones! You’re happy alone, don’t let someone talk you into doing something that goes against your nature. Know who you trully are, and if its a Hobbit, be the best and happiest Hobbit ever. Don’t listen to “alone is bad” crowd when solitude is what keeps you strong and sane.
As for my one hour.....today’s Sunday, I have 4 hours of human tolerance in me—— but 1 hour of it will be at the grocery store.
That's for the young. I'm more than happy to be the grandma: I DO want to spoil my "grands"!!!
At least you are honest with yourself however I may add that I am very careful when reflecting a wishing. Sometimes the things we take away from experiences aren’t as evident when we are looking at things from our comfort zone. There were experiences that weren’t all that pleasant in relationships that made me grow in ways I never would’ve as an onlooker.
I do think that it was wrong for you to think something is “wrong” with you because you weren’t paired up. The pairing should happen naturally at least it did for me but part of that is making yourself available and not trying to force relationships where they aren’t working naturally. Some people are just not right for one another and only cause each other pain. As for me I always knew I wanted to be married and have kids with a good wife. I didn’t actively seek female companionship but it happened nothingnesses.
Not that I wasn’t interested but I was taught to be a gentleman where that was concerned and it worked out. It had a novel effect. I didn’t spend much time pursuing the unattainable and saved myself a lot of pain.
It isn’t that marriage has been all cupcakes and roses and indeed it is helpful to know who you are or even more who you want to be. I’m the first to suggest that if one does not feel ready for marriage or children then it is better they wait. I’ve never been one to wait for that matter I just decide I want to do something and do it or try to and accept the consequences. My wife suggested we elope one night at my parents house and we did the next day. It has been 13 years now and 4 kids later and things worked out because we worked together. She was with me when I had no money and now that I’m doing fairly well is still with me. That seems to be the key more than anything you need someone you can work with.
Oh no, 4 hours! Thank you for spending just a bit on me. ;-)
What is your favorite grocery store?
I look forward to being a grandmother, but not for a few more years. My daughter (only child) starts graduate school in the fall. I hope she finishes before she has a family, but who knows?
Back to the topic. This has been an interesting thread. Najida I think I am very much like you. While I loved being a stay at home mom I remember sometimes feeling suffocated in those preschool years because I was never alone. Couple that with the fact my ex-husband is a huge extrovert who never met a stranger. His idea of misery was a quiet night at home. My idea of misery was a night away from home. It’s no wonder we are no longer together.
As for my 4 hours, thats face to face time.....computer time is like playing inside my own head. And I can walk away at any point.
Favorite grocery store? Hmmmm, Food Lion because it's closest to my house.
bump
If a woman doesn’t want a man, she needs a magic wand.
You and I are twins. As a kid, I would get out of the house and stay outside until well after dark (we were on a farm) because I couldn’t stand being inside with those people. I hated having roommates in college and I’ll never forget finally getting my own place to myself, only to have a friend announce “You’re alone! You need a roommate! And I need a place to live!” (I shoulda said no, but that was my doormat period).
Married (the second time) to a very extreme extrovert who would literally follow me into the bathroom to talk and would find excuses to come in while I was in the tub. His idea of fun was cuddling up and watching a movie (any movie). Mine was in reading a book, not touching anyone. He took my need for alone time as rejection and it quickly became “you’re having an affair” (my response was ‘one man is making my life miserable, how is another one going to help things?’)
I honestly don’t remember getting a full nights sleep during our entire marriage sleeping next to a snoring, restless, up 3 times a night to go to the bathroom sleeper meant high startle me woke up at least a dozen times a night. Not a good match for a b’zillion reasons, but this was a major turning point for me. I was not meant to be married. Even the basic things that others thrived with were pure misery to me.
So I do sympathize with those who feel pressured or bullied (like on these threads).
Never again. I’m happy with my life. Hobbits are people too. :)
I’m glad you got a good laugh. :-) I think it can get hurtful both ways. My personal feelings are simple, don’t limit yourself by deciding you are better off alone but also don’t be desperate seeking anybody to fill a void whether it is the one in your heart or your bed. Basic responsibility that is the way I see. Make decisions and be willing to accept the consequences and don’t set up conditions that are so limiting that you cut yourself off from experiences that you might find enjoyable though uncomfortable at first. I tried Surfing, first time I felt like I’d been beaten up and swallowed the pacific ocean.(I don’t even want to think what I swallowed) lol
I do agree it is better to be alone than being with someone that makes you unhappy. Marriage is tough as you already know but I’ve found it is a lot about finding ways to be happy and also make each other happy. Sometimes my wife and I don’t make each other happy but sometimes we do and we have a choice about whether we dwell on and magnify the unhappy times and our imperfections or whether we work as a team and comfort each other along the way and that is really nice. Life isn’t an amusement park but it can still be filled with periods of excitement, joy, and treasured memories and even more important shared hopes and dreams.
Computer time for me is largely work. (Just got off a call from India) It is also an outlet. It is nice being able to share discussions like this. It is hard to have this kind of discussion in the real world without someone getting emotional and pissed off but then again I’ve been known to speak my mind regardless. I like people who speak their mind. Well enough of that...now back to the important stuff.
Walmart or Kroger is where we usually end up they are close to the house. We have been going to Target more regularly though, that is where I usually buy my marked down computer games, though I hardly have time to play them anymore since I travel so much. Nice thing though is vacation is almost here and California is calling.:-)
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