Do you realize the arrogance of your post? I’m not saying it’s the vast majority, but wow-— don’t you believe in individuals? And no, not everyone on the planet pairs up like on Noah’s arc. Some of us are one of a kind without a match.
I’m 51 years old, I’ve been married and widowed twice— I hated the basic structure of marriage and felt buried alive. I had roomates in college, grew up and a house full of people and I was always happiest when the house was empty and things were quiet.
And I repeat, being alone is when I am the strongest, the happiest, the most real and honest. It’s when I can go out into the world and be a good employee, a good friend, a good teacher, a good Aunt, a good sister....a good person. Take away my solitude and I’m purely in hell. No other way to paint it.
I tried, and tried, and tried and was miserable—— because there were people like you around me that convinced me that I was a freak unless I wasn’t alone. But I am not a freak, and I am happier alone. I’m more of a freak when I try to be someone I’m not.
Yes, I have gobs of friends and family. I have a very full and busy life. And it’s by far a 1000 times better than when I tried to ‘be with someone’.
You realize that the only way I could ‘be with someone’ is if they were an individual content on seeing me only 1 hour a day and a few hours on weekends? And often then, I want to be left to myself. That’s all I want or can tolerate at the end of the day. So no, I’m not wired for marriage or ‘pairing’ unless there is an equal hermit willing to sleep in another room (yes, I cant’ sleep next to another person, no matter how tired)
I repeat, we are not the majority, but we do exist. We are not bad, just different. Respect us and we’ll respect you.
I can't imagine not being married, but not all marriages are alike.
I’m not even talking about you. I am sorry that you assumed that. You did your part you didn’t isolate yourself and pride yourself in being alone or unattached. Why are you taking this personally? I was referring to those discussed in the article who place all the wrong things ahead of growing up and progressing to build families. I wasn’t talking about widows and those who have through no act of their own found themselves alone. I do find something very wrong with a culture that celebrates careerism and individualism that is bordering on selfishness and vanity.
Human beings are meant to grow up and form bounds and families. That is a basic truth and that is not about Noah’s ark but about science. I could be harsher and say that those who pride themselves in not forming families are at a very basic level choosing to be unfit as Darwin would put it. I’m just addressing the lie of the modern world. I do not have any gripe with those who choose to live and be alone personally. I just think that such stories about how young women are choosing to forgo families is unnatural and harmful to them in the long run. Also it is harmful to the human race. No one is required to care about the human race because we are individuals but as long as we are talking discussing a bunch of freemales I think rational analysis based on simple truth should be considered first versus the tired old liberal feminism that has left us a bunch of used up bitter aging women who have oppressed men and women alike with their vapid ideas which have made it harder for women and men to communicate and love one another and simply be happy or content. Again I am not talking about you. Please do not take this personally. I just am very tired of the arguments that raise up the most egocentric and selfish individuals among us as if they are the rule and the paths they lead as the most desirable and most “intelligent”.
If you are as you describe then you seem to be a wonderful vibrant person. I thank you for taking the time to respond to me in such a thoughtful fashion since I imagine that one hour a day you spend leaves little time for anything else. ;-) I wish you well najida. (I am a tad bit arrogant but I still am often right.) lol