Posted on 09/21/2007 3:12:46 PM PDT by WFTR
This week is National Unmarried and Single Americans Week or National USA Week as the sponsors like to say. The official website for this week is at
http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/usaweek/intro.htm .
This "celebration" started on Monday and will run through the weekend. The celebration is being promoted by a group called "Unmarried America" that calls itself "an information source for the new unmarried majority." This group is trying to capture and represent the interests of all unmarried people and wants to reach out to those beyond traditional "singles" to include widows and widowers, homosexuals, couples living together without marrying, single parents, and about anyone else who isn't married. If you follow the link posted above, you can read a little more about this group.
My first question to our group is, "Do you like the idea of a day or a week set aside to celebrate the contributions of unmarried people to society?" Beyond this question, a few others come to mind. Here they are.
Do you like the idea of setting aside days, weeks, or months to celebrate certain demographic groups or are these celebrations generally a bad idea?
Do you think being unmarried is a good thing to celebrate in this way?
Do you think that this group can effectively represent your views? As part of this question, do you think that all unmarried people have more in common with one another than they do with married people? For instance, does the unmarried couple raising children together have more in common with a traditional family or with a single person living alone?
Speaking of being single
While we're thinking about being single and maybe finding a way not to be single, I wanted to focus on a couple of points from an article that appeared earlier in the month. I’m sure that some of us saw this article and may have discussed it on other threads. I never had a chance to catch the threads, but I want to ask a couple of specific questions.
The article is sarcastically called "Earth-Shattering Study: Men Like Good-Looking Women" and can be found at
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,295649,00.html?sPage=fnc.science/humanbody .
My own short explanation of the study is that they used a speed-dating event to study men's and women's choices. They found that in spite of what people claimed to want in the opposite sex, each sex made certain choices. Men chose the best-looking women. Women were aware of how their appearance compared with that of other women and chose the best men that they thought they could attract. The article didn't say how the researchers measured the "most attractive" women or the "best" men.
A crude but maybe accurate interpretation of what they are saying is that we all fall into a kind of relationship caste system. In sports terminology that Americans use more often to describe relationships, we're each in a "league," and we have little chance of dating or marrying someone "outside our league." If we just don't have the right stuff to marry someone in the major league, then we have to learn to accept someone in the minor league.
Do you believe that this idea accurately reflects the way relationships work? In general, are we in a kind of relationship caste system where the best and most beautiful date and marry one another while the rest of us are relegated to finding a lesser partner of our own lesser ranks or is it just as likely for someone who isn't one of the best or most beautiful to build a great relationship with someone is one of the best or most beautiful? I know that we can often find one exception to any rule, but I'm looking for people's opinions of whether the rule is real or just a dating urban legend.
The second issue that came to mind as I read this study is how valid the whole speed-dating scenario is. Some people claim that everything in life is about making a first impression. Recently, I saw an article that claimed that the first impression determines whether someone interviewing for a job will get the job. Of course, many of the people making these claims are people who are trying to sell a system for making a first impression, so they have a vested interest in making us believe that first impressions are most important.
When it comes to dating, how much do you rely on first impressions? If you meet someone in a setting where you are likely to see that person again, do you make an evaluation that is likely to be permanent or do you wait to see how this person's character and traits will unfold over time? Does your impression of someone's attractiveness tend to change over time or are your first impressions usually accurate? Do you think this says more about you or about the people you've met?
Speaking of looks
A final question came from something that Dances with Cats asked a month or so ago. I may get the details of the question wrong, but I think I've captured the basics. The question for each of us is "Do you have a vision of for the physical appearance of the person who is right for you." This vision may not be the appearance that you find most attractive as an ideal but is a physical description of how you think Mr. or Mrs. Right will look when you find that person. If so, how do you describe this person? Is he/she tall, short, medium? What color hair does he/she have? What general body build does this person have? What other details can you give?
Watching soccer and the behind the scenes stories are his passion in life and somehow the rest of the world rarely intrudes. He is aware of major events but other day to day things go right over his head.
Your comments about women and power are what I have observed. I didn’t mean to say that men liked women with power. I meant to say that a woman’s power was her looks, i.e., that men look primarily for a good looking woman. Very few men care about whether a woman has a high-ranking position and in fact many prefer that she does not. A woman with the type of power traditionally associated with men (brains, status, rank) is often UNattractive to men.
You ask whether a woman would want someone who can be President. I think for a lot of women the answer is yes. For some, this would be compatible with their goals. For others, they are naive and don’t realize what type of relationship that would imply. Most who really think about it wouldn’t want a man with quite that much power because they would realize that he would not be, in your words, “someone who can focus more on the relationship.”
Also, I believe power is different for different women. For some, it is intellectual power, some go for fame, some for social status, some for the biggest guy with the most physical strength, some for the guy who dominates the conversation. All of these characterstics are relative. I’ve seen women who go for the highest ranking guy in the company, but as soon as they are working at a different company, their preference changes to the highest ranking guy at the new company.
Fortunately, we all value different things, and it’s not just a single trait but a combination. If my point about power were strictly true, then George Bush and Bill Gates would be two of the very few desirable men. Obviously that’s not the case.
I appreciate your point about women who fall for abusive men. I know a lot of decent guys who see this and are angered by it. I don’t blame them. Actually, I find it infuriating as well. The flip side for women is the guy who puts up with a woman who treats him like dirt, strings him along, orders him around like a servant. Those of us who are considerate of others and looking for a balanced relationship don’t understand why a guy would put up with that no matter how good looking the woman is.
Of course nothing is as simplistic as these generalizations describe, and obviously there are exceptions too numerous to mention.
Thanks for your post.
The son or daughter of an alcoholic is more likely to marry or be involved with an alcoholic or be an alcoholic themselves.
The same goes for someone whose mother or father is in a abusive relationship(s) the chances are their relationships will be abusive whether by them or their partner.
IMHO there are a very few women that get involved in abusive relationships due to the fact that they want a strong alpha male but instead get an abusive bully. IMHO in most cases men or women in abusive relationships are in them because that is their only experience of how relationships work and therefore there is in a strange way a sense of familiarity and comfort zone.
I used to have this friend who was 5”4” tall. I know that because he so frequently mentioned it. Do you know if he had not announced his height I would have never thought of it. I am 5” 3 1/2” tall. I guess we saw eye to eye and to me it was not noteworthy. But him always finding a way to nervously talk about it turned every thing OFF. Sheesh. I mean height and weight and hair or no hair - people can see it and what is the point of bringing it up. Obviously if the person wants to be your friend it must be ok.
I’m short too(5’7”), join the club.
Bonus Questions
1. What was your favorite toy when you were a kid?
2. How many of your friends from high school do you still see or talk to at least once every year or so?
3. If someone offered you four million dollars and the necessary support to try to climb Mount Everest within the next two years (and told you that the mortality rate is about five or ten percent), would you attempt to make the climb?
My GI Joe Headquarters. My Fave figure was Gung Ho, the Cajun Marine. 2. How many of your friends from high school do you still see or talk to at least once every year or so?
Talked with Alex yesterday. He's the only one. 3. If someone offered you four million dollars and the necessary support to try to climb Mount Everest within the next two years (and told you that the mortality rate is about five or ten percent), would you attempt to make the climb?
Yes, as long as I didn't go alone.
I have not spoken to a high school mate since the night of graduation. Literally. I only talked to them when absolutely necessary before that!
I have no interest in Mt. Everest. I am not good with uneven ground. I don’t think I’d like any of these extreme trips. When I was a kid I used to dream of going through the rain forest and traveling up and down the Amazon River. I would mind a boat trip on the Amazon.
I’d like to see the Chocolate Hills in Bohol, Philippines and take a boat trip on the Danube (?) to look at castles along the river.
“Yes, as long as I didn’t go alone.”
Ok then. We will leg shackle you to Hillary.
Hey, there’s no need for that lol.
To some extent, this trait could mitigate a relationship caste system. Of course, the problem is still that the best-looking woman who likes guys with a particular kind of power ends up getting the guy with the most of that power and vice-versa. In some ways, that's a discouraging way to look at relationships.
Fortunately, we all value different things, and it’s not just a single trait but a combination. If my point about power were strictly true, then George Bush and Bill Gates would be two of the very few desirable men. Obviously that’s not the case.
Again, the combination factor mitigates the idea of a caste system in relationships. To the extent that it works, that factor gives everyone a chance to find someone that he or she would find desirable. I'm not sure that it's obvious that Bill Gates and George Bush aren't too of the most desirable men. If either of them lost his wife, I can't imagine either of them having a hard time meeting women.
I appreciate your point about women who fall for abusive men. I know a lot of decent guys who see this and are angered by it. I don’t blame them. Actually, I find it infuriating as well. The flip side for women is the guy who puts up with a woman who treats him like dirt, strings him along, orders him around like a servant. Those of us who are considerate of others and looking for a balanced relationship don’t understand why a guy would put up with that no matter how good looking the woman is.
One of the most frustrating things for many of us who aren't doing well in relationships is the thought that we must either choose to be in a relationship where we abuse our partner, choose a relationship where we are abused by our partner, or choose a relationship with someone who doesn't inspire any feelings at all.
Relationships are an odd topic. Thanks for giving your insights.
Bill
I really have only one friend from high school. Occasionally, I see one or two people when I'm at home visiting my folks.
Yep, you'd be part of a full expedition with experienced guides, and the guides would be available to help you train. Still, you'd have to spend that time training and accept that many people who've made the attempt under similar conditions have died on the mountain.
Ten years ago, I absolutely would have made the attempt. Five years ago, I think I would have done it. Today, I'm not sure whether I'd take that offer. The thought of having four million dollars so that I'd never have to work again is appealing, and I'd love to be able to say that I made a real attempt at Mount Everest. On the other hand, I've reached the point that my making an attempt might be too foolish to consider. I weigh 280 pounds these days. I'd need to lose at least 100 pounds to have the aerobic efficiency to make an attempt.
Bill
Tell us more about the Chocolate Hills, please. I've never heard of them.
A boat trip on the Danube would be nice. Eastern Europe has some beautiful places, and I can see how looking at the castles from a comfortable boat would be fun.
Bill
Hey, Hillary claims to be named after the first guy to scale Mount Everest. Of course, he did it when she was six years old. LOL
Not for me I am only 5:2 :o)
1. I can’t pick a single favorite toy, but high on the list were blocks, tinker toys, chemistry set and Thingmaker. Anybody remember Plastigoop? Do they still have that? I don’t think a toy like that would get past whatever organization screens toys. It involved high temperatures (I got several burns) plus chemicals that are probably toxic!
I would like to do trip alone the Danube or the Rhine
I always like to do river or boat trips when I go abroad
I also had a teddy bear that I always had in my bedroom and still have it in my bedroom. I had I believe for my first birthday so it is about 46 years old. I called it bed teddy bow wow as anyting with 4 legs was a bow wow not just dogs.
I have been out of touch with school and college friends for a couple of years due to family commitments but normally I send and receive cards from about half a dozen at Christmas.
Regarding Mount everest no never. Not good at hiking let alone climbing the most I have done is the samaria gorge in Crete. Which is a lovely walk/minor hike.
Samaria Gorge
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.