Posted on 09/21/2007 3:12:46 PM PDT by WFTR
This week is National Unmarried and Single Americans Week or National USA Week as the sponsors like to say. The official website for this week is at
http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/usaweek/intro.htm .
This "celebration" started on Monday and will run through the weekend. The celebration is being promoted by a group called "Unmarried America" that calls itself "an information source for the new unmarried majority." This group is trying to capture and represent the interests of all unmarried people and wants to reach out to those beyond traditional "singles" to include widows and widowers, homosexuals, couples living together without marrying, single parents, and about anyone else who isn't married. If you follow the link posted above, you can read a little more about this group.
My first question to our group is, "Do you like the idea of a day or a week set aside to celebrate the contributions of unmarried people to society?" Beyond this question, a few others come to mind. Here they are.
Do you like the idea of setting aside days, weeks, or months to celebrate certain demographic groups or are these celebrations generally a bad idea?
Do you think being unmarried is a good thing to celebrate in this way?
Do you think that this group can effectively represent your views? As part of this question, do you think that all unmarried people have more in common with one another than they do with married people? For instance, does the unmarried couple raising children together have more in common with a traditional family or with a single person living alone?
Speaking of being single
While we're thinking about being single and maybe finding a way not to be single, I wanted to focus on a couple of points from an article that appeared earlier in the month. I’m sure that some of us saw this article and may have discussed it on other threads. I never had a chance to catch the threads, but I want to ask a couple of specific questions.
The article is sarcastically called "Earth-Shattering Study: Men Like Good-Looking Women" and can be found at
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,295649,00.html?sPage=fnc.science/humanbody .
My own short explanation of the study is that they used a speed-dating event to study men's and women's choices. They found that in spite of what people claimed to want in the opposite sex, each sex made certain choices. Men chose the best-looking women. Women were aware of how their appearance compared with that of other women and chose the best men that they thought they could attract. The article didn't say how the researchers measured the "most attractive" women or the "best" men.
A crude but maybe accurate interpretation of what they are saying is that we all fall into a kind of relationship caste system. In sports terminology that Americans use more often to describe relationships, we're each in a "league," and we have little chance of dating or marrying someone "outside our league." If we just don't have the right stuff to marry someone in the major league, then we have to learn to accept someone in the minor league.
Do you believe that this idea accurately reflects the way relationships work? In general, are we in a kind of relationship caste system where the best and most beautiful date and marry one another while the rest of us are relegated to finding a lesser partner of our own lesser ranks or is it just as likely for someone who isn't one of the best or most beautiful to build a great relationship with someone is one of the best or most beautiful? I know that we can often find one exception to any rule, but I'm looking for people's opinions of whether the rule is real or just a dating urban legend.
The second issue that came to mind as I read this study is how valid the whole speed-dating scenario is. Some people claim that everything in life is about making a first impression. Recently, I saw an article that claimed that the first impression determines whether someone interviewing for a job will get the job. Of course, many of the people making these claims are people who are trying to sell a system for making a first impression, so they have a vested interest in making us believe that first impressions are most important.
When it comes to dating, how much do you rely on first impressions? If you meet someone in a setting where you are likely to see that person again, do you make an evaluation that is likely to be permanent or do you wait to see how this person's character and traits will unfold over time? Does your impression of someone's attractiveness tend to change over time or are your first impressions usually accurate? Do you think this says more about you or about the people you've met?
Speaking of looks
A final question came from something that Dances with Cats asked a month or so ago. I may get the details of the question wrong, but I think I've captured the basics. The question for each of us is "Do you have a vision of for the physical appearance of the person who is right for you." This vision may not be the appearance that you find most attractive as an ideal but is a physical description of how you think Mr. or Mrs. Right will look when you find that person. If so, how do you describe this person? Is he/she tall, short, medium? What color hair does he/she have? What general body build does this person have? What other details can you give?
I like this insight Dave. You have to admit though, it's not as easy as it looks for some people to be comfortable "in their own skin". For me, it's something I have to work at doing.
Very nice to see you, and thanks for the compliment, not so sure I deserve it.
Well, I’m off to the store for dog food—got to feed the pwecious widdle sweedums. :D
Cadillac Memorial Gardens East: "Which is cheaper, Full burial or cremation?"
Well, I’m the one smiling, if that helps. :D
Do you like the idea of a day or a week set aside to celebrate the contributions of unmarried people to society?
No, thanks but no thanks. I don't care for a gazillion holidays for every designation to come down the pike. The traditional holidays should be observed and leave it at that. Certainly don't feel inclined to raise a glass to celebrate being a single. It wasn't intentional. Both times it was a Hobsen's Choice and I don't relish whooping it up over it at some bar.
When it comes to dating, how much do you rely on first impressions?
First impressions as far as appearance? It's behavior more than physical appearance that I look for. Of course, someone's whose physically attractive attracts but sometimes the good-looking ones are the biggest bozos, all full of themselves with no room in their heart or mind for anyone else but their big fat ego. I want ... as someone else stated ... someone who is nice! Everything else is secondary.
Hope to catch you all next Friday night much better rested and with a fine new working kitchen! :) Have a good week, everyone!
All three of you look happy, and that's great to see!
That reminds me of the question, “What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?”
I want them to say, “Look! She’s moving!”
ROFL!!!!!
Thank God for the furkids, right?
My kids have scales and no fur, but I am thankful for them also.
That's a good point, and not wanting to end up in that situation is why I've never tried to chase any of the women who others saw as being right for me. I just couldn't develop feelings for these women, and I didn't want to end up in a relationship that was unhappy.
Bill
I have always argued in some respects single people need as much if not more time to make arrangements especially before long business trips.
My company often takes the view that a single man can go anywhere at any time at the drop of a hat - not so often the have to make arrangements for someone to keep an eye on the house feed the cat etc that the married man does not.
Bill
I don’t travel well because I always forget something and I prefer my own bed unless I can afford a Hilton or Hyatt, where the beds are more comfy.
It’s hard on anyone, single or couple, to travel. Plants need water. Pets have to be kenneled or have someone come feed them. Bills can’t wait. I do think it’s unfair to base fees on ‘double occupancy.’
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