*** The OFFICIAL Weekend Singles Thread *** August 10th-12th 2007-Death and how it affect singles

This weekend's topic may seem morbid and maybe not the topic for a summer weekend but we did touch this subject slightly last week.

Death has an impact on all our lives whether we are single or not however it can be more poignant to those who are on their own as they do not have the backup of a spouse to ease the pain and sense of loss. It can also make us feel even more alone and desperate for a partner if the death is that of a parent.

If you though you only had a short time to live how would that affect you in various aspects of your life and would you be honest about it when meeting someone new.

Do you think that death is an acceptable subject for a social discussion or is it on your ban list?

Do you feel awkward and not know how to deal with someone if they advise that they have a life threatening disease or even more so if they have been told they do not have long to live?

The above is only intended as opener to the subject please feel free to discuss any topic relating to the above or anything that you wish to this subject is only designed to get the discussion moving this weekend but does not mean it limits us to this subject.

Isn’t this all wishful thinking? There’s no proof that there is anything beyond the grave and all the wishing and praying won’t make an afterlife real.

Because of some things at work, I've been stressed and tired for a long time. I've been a moderator on this thread, so I knew this topic was coming, but when I read the questions, the afterlife question hit me hard. Maybe what I'm about to say will sound horrible, but the first thought that came through my mind about an afterlife was "Oh no, I'm way too tired to go to either Heaven or Hell. I'd never survive."

I spent quite a few years in church, and those experiences still shape much of my view of an "afterlife" and quite a few other things for that matter. Somewhere in the Bible is a verse that says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. I'm an engineer. I understand nice, solid things, like Newtonian laws of motion and laws of thermodynamics. All of that faith stuff never worked for me, but I could see it work for others. Just because I can't make it work doesn't mean that it isn't real.

I can't validate what people of faith believe, but I can't write it off either. I agree that there's no proof of an afterlife, but I don't know what "instrument" I could use to measure whatever it would take to prove or disprove an afterlife. No one has invented a "God-o-meter" or "Heaven-o-meter" that would allow me to run those experiments. Many people who are certain that they have proof are a little scary.

When I said that I'm too tired for Heaven, I had this picture of the city with streets of gold, but cities stress me out. I had the usual Christian picture of a place where we all know each other equally and completely but do not have a unique, intimate, personal relationship with any one person. A place like that would be miserable for me. I've never had a "significant other," but I've been in plenty of the church type friendships where we all know each other but everything is platonic. I hate the thought of being stuck in that situation for eternity.

Ideally, when I die, God would just put me in suspended animation for a few million years. Maybe then I'd be rested enough to deal with the rest of heaven. If I couldn't have a wife and couldn't be put into suspended animation, then my view of heaven would be a cabin in the mountains. I'd be able to visit loved ones occasionally but wouldn't have people around me all the time. Of course, I have no reason either theologically or scientifically to believe in this idea being real. As you said, it would be wishful thinking.

This group has a strong tendency towards traditional Christian thought. My background gives me some understanding of that thought and even makes me agree with it on many levels. I appreciate your being open with a view that's probably a little different from what many people feel.

Thanks,

Bill

Oh boy! You hit a biggie with me this time. It seems thoughts about death are never far from me. Not in a "Bad" way, just being realistic. There have been many events in my life to remind me that Life is fragile. I have been run over by a car twice. Shot at. Spent a day and a half on life support after a heart attack. And sence 1994 I have been doing the Eldercare gig, being the primary caregiver for my Mother who is 81 now.

Do you fear death either your own or a close friend or family member?

Yes & No. I do not fear my death anymore. After lying there on life support one tends to come to terms with mortality. I do not know what I will do when Mother joins Father. With what Social Security pays me, I am not sure I can afford to live anywhere.

Does death impact how you lead your life ?

Not really . . . well . . . Maybe. I wake up each morning and Thank God for the gift of living one more day. I know that one day I will wake up dead. Then I can thank God in person for the life I had.

If you though you only had a short time to live how would that affect you in various aspects of your life and would you be honest about it when meeting someone new.

Well, it is kinda hard to hide a 14 inch scar going up my chest. I am upfront about my health because it is a part of who I am.

What are your thoughts about an after life?

Very real.

Life as we know it is our school and proving ground. Death is our Graduation from Time into Eternity. The only question is which neighborhood we will be in when we get there. If we live our life with the goal of being near God, we will be. If we live a life wanting nothing to do with God, He will Honor that desire in the afterlife as well.

Do you think that death is an acceptable subject for a social discussion or is it on your ban list?

The more I think about it, the more important a topic this is. It is a given that we are on this thread looking for a lifetime partner. And to be blunt . . . in the ranking of Life-altering Events, Death is one of the biggies.

Do you feel awkward and not know how to deal with someone if they advise that they have a life threatening disease or even more so if they have been told they do not have long to live?

The few times I have been in that situation it has not been a problem.

Hi everyone, I didn’t introduce myself on the last thread *poor form, I apologize!* so let me fix that now;

I’m Ken, 39 YO guy, living in Fresno, conservative, registered Repub, car guy, loves travel, and has done much recently with trips to Scotland twice in 4 years (first trip in August 2002, 5 years ago to the DAY, a weekend in London in December ‘03, and a return to Edinburgh for Hogmanay this past December/January) yadda yadda yadda.

I’m a Bay Area native, having been born in Redwood City, CA (where Scott Peterson had his trial, for those not aware of Redwood City), grew up mostly in San Jose, then moved to Modesto for a little bit, and wound up in Fresno in November of ‘05.

This topic is quite familiar to me, as I’m living a life after my mother and step-father passed away somewhat recently. My mom succumbed to a recurrence of a brain tumor in ‘04, dying at a home my younger brother and sis-in-law were renting at the time, not but 7 minutes or so away from where I am now living, while my step-father passed away on his birthday, July ‘05, being prepped for having his left leg amputated below the knee (his heart stopped after having been given heart medication, then anesthesia).

There’s more to tell, but I think some folks would have their eyes roll up in their sockets after my posting, so I won’t do that now. But if anyone is interested, I’ll email them the Reader’s Digest version, as best as I can.

Hello my dear friend from Ashford.... Of course this topic resonates with me all the time.. Death per se was my last career as a grief counselor & Hospice/cancer/AIDS chaplain.

I know this topic for you is important as you lost a dear friend recently. After I have had a death, about all I do revolves around the resolution of various matters.. This past 18 months has been rough death wise as I have lost 4 close family members(aged 42-79); 6 close friends (aged 38 - 64), and too many FReeper friends, many of whom I had met face to face over the years. The loss of my Oliver(pup) and Cali(cat) last weekend were very difficult.

I have a lot of thoughts about the afterlife & the soul & heaven/hell.. but will withhold them for now. I always talk too much on this thread.

Nice to see so many new faces & people at various stages of their life’e experiences.

I will check back over the weekend. I am pretty tired now. Just got in a bit ago from seeing Bourne Ultimatum, which I enjoyed. I have been up since 4 AM & very busy & am wasted at this point.

Hope you all have a delightful week-end & can do some things that you love along the way..and be with people you love also. So important.

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