Posted on 11/03/2006 12:27:26 AM PST by sully777
"Mickey Mouse, Al Kaholic and Mike Bibby will not be elected as write-in candidates, so Mr. Funnyman, you might as well forget about casting votes for them this November.
What may be funny to you, election officials say, isn't funny to them -- because the off-the-cuff write-in votes take a lot of extra time to count, delaying unofficial election night results for hours and final results for days after the election..." [Snip]
(Excerpt) Read more at sacbee.com ...
I like that cartoon. I think I'd turn back to 25.
Good Morning!!
Got your goat?
I'll be here all week and don't forget to tip the waitresses.
1 1/2 hours left. If I can only stay awakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
oops! fell asleep on the keyboard.
NEED MORE COFFEE!!!!!
*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
*Maxine's Way *
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
*Martha's Way*
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
*Maxine's Way *
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
*Martha's Way*
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
*Maxine's Way *
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.
*Martha's Way*
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
*Maxine's Way *
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"
*Martha's Way*
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
*Maxine's Way*
Celery? Never heard of it!
*Martha's Way*
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
*Maxine's Way*
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
*Martha's Way*
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
*Maxine's Way*
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
*Martha's Way*
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
*Maxine's Way*
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
*Martha's Way*
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine's Way*
Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!
Click the Pic for coffee hyperactivity
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whisky.
"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up."
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.
"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "he's gonna be a Congressman!"
You "goat" something else!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
