Other articles with keyword "DOGGIEPING" since 12/29/04
Posted on 10/16/2006 12:08:33 PM PDT by areafiftyone
Rules for Living With a Dog
1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a
specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.
2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if
his own house is under renovation.
3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.
4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined
to a comfortable but secure metal cage.
5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.
6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new
furniture.
8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like
the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works and buy new
furniture...upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.
9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.
11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside of me, but he's not allowed under the covers.
12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on
the pillow.
13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside of me under the covers with his
head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.
14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping. That's just not fair.
15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as ''primary
resident,'' even if it's true.
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Strict House Rules for Stray Cats
Strict House Rules for Stray Cats
1. Stray cats will not be fed at this house, and are not to come inside for any reason.
2. Okay, the stray cat can hang around outside but will not be fed anything except dry cat food.
3. Okay, the stray cat will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with a little milk.
4. Okay, the stray cat will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with warm milk, yummy treats, and leftover fish scraps.
5. The stray cat will not be encouraged to make this house its permanent residence, and must stay outside and will not be petted, played with, or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
(It starts to rain. Stray cat is now looking in the window with a pitiful
expression.)
6. Okay, the stray cat can come inside but must stay in the sunroom and off the furniture.
7. Okay, the stray cat that is in the sunroom can be petted, played with, picked up and cuddled but will absolutely not be given a name.
(Having canvassed the neighborhood, finding no one to claim the stray cat…)
10. The stray cat will be allowed to visit all the rooms of the house, but
will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen its claws on the furniture.
11. Okay, the stray cat will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.
12. Okay, the stray cat will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches and must leave the dog alone.
13. Okay, the stray cat can sharpen it’s claws on the furniture and pester the dog, but must answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.
14. Okay, the stray cat will answer the call of nature in the three-piece,
high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter in the
sunroom.
15. Okay, the stray cat will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room, because the dog retaliated for the cat’s attacks by turning over the plastic tray and liberally applying kitty-litter to an entire floor in the house.
16. The stray cat can sleep in the house, but will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.
17. Okay, the stray cat will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow. But under no circumstances will the stray cat be allowed to sleep in our bed.
18. Okay, the stray cat will be allowed to sleep on our bed, but must stay at the foot and not under the covers.
19. Okay, the stray cat may sleep in our bed under the covers but must stay at the foot, and away from the dog.
20. Okay, the cat and dog can both sleep anywhere they want as long as they stop getting everyone in the house out of bed at regular intervals every night.
21. Okay, the cat can sleep anywhere it wants, but the dog has to sleep in the sunroom!
True story: Many years ago, I begged my husband (who was a 'confirmed cat-hater') to let me get a cat. He finally agreed, but the cat was absolutely, positively stay outside in our screen porch. I was working night-shift at the time, and I came home one morning and there was no cat in the porch.
I ran inside, to tell my husband that the cat had escaped, and there I found Puff, lying on our bed. His excuse? "Well, it was raining." I pointed out that the porch had a roof. His answer was that the roof might have leaked. Long story short - he was taken in by the poor pitiful kitty act - and has been the loyal subject of many a cat over the years since then.
I had so much fun laughing over this one!
Absolutely adorable!
All jokes aside, you can't have a better smoke detector or burgular alarm than a dog or cat in your house.
Oh you are welcome. These kind of posts always bring out the smiles! :-)
Don't tell our Chihuahua (Medina) any of those rules. She thinks she's human and she doubles as a security alarm.
My friend's husband hated her cat (or so he said). He would not pet the cat in front of her. One time she came home and found him with the cat on his lap and him talking to it and petting it. So funny!
Hair - Puppy Ping
TalonDJ & JenB - Info for new puppy owners :-)
Use the money you were going to spend on a doghouse. You won't regret buying them.
Very true. When they think something is wrong, they will come and wake you up or bark. In partickular, our cats have woken us up because the stove was left on, when a window was left open, when a house down the street caught on fire, when the daughter was late getting home from work, and on other occasions. Of course, an emergency to a cat is not always one to a human. We have also been woken up for possums crossing the back yard, "foreign" cats and dogs in the yard, large spiders in unreachable locations, and for the "presentation" of mice (frequently but in exchange we have little evidence of mice beyond these "gifts").
We already have a dog.
But look at him, and our dog needs a friend.
Can we keep the kitty?
We already have a cat.
But look at her.
Been there; done that!
I live in "domestic tranquility" with my dog, Sam. He's content to let me think that I've trained him not to poop in the house. I'm content to let him think that he's trained me not to poop in his yard. And we don't have to "TALK ABOUT IT". Talking causes divorce.
Ain't it the truth. I knew a woman who stayed happily (more or less) married to the most dogmatic, intolerant man I ever knew by replying "I wouldn't be a bit surprised" to his every statement.
We like Elmo, he likes us, and we do just fine.
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