Posted on 08/17/2006 4:42:10 AM PDT by 7thson
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Ben had a rough Friday night picking up women on the Hotel Gansevoort's balcony after being coldly rejected by two attractive blonds.
The 23-year-old documentary filmmaker, who asked his last name not be used for fear of ridicule, suffers from an acute case of "premature ejectulation" -- ejecting himself early from promising conversations with women for fear of rejection.
Such was the diagnosis from the coaches of "Charm School Boot Camp," a three-day crash course on seducing women that Ben and five other men paid $1,600 apiece for in early August.
"If I were to look at it objectively, I would feel really good about it, and then just leave," Ben said.
Ben is not the only man with crippling fears when it comes to chatting up women. That's why Charm School, run by an Ann Arbor, Michigan-based company called Charisma Arts, has no problem finding men who need intense guidance and fieldwork approaching women at places like bookstores and bars.
"People think we're teaching guys with no confidence who are bad with women," said Charisma Arts co-founder Wayne Elise. "We teach guys how to be themselves in a very unnatural environment, how to cold approach strangers and make them comfortable enough to open themselves up."
Charisma Arts runs weekend Charm School seminars in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, London and Sydney. Some students find out about the course from the company's Web site, www.charismaarts.com.
The Charm School's lesson plan stays away from canned lines and instructs men to think on their feet when talking to women, to put their insecurities aside and react naturally to a women's subtle cues, said Johnny Saviour, 21, a Charisma Arts instructor.
The class starts on Friday afternoon with the instructors going over Elise's attraction theory. They then practice the theory by approaching each other as if they were women, and they do word association exercises to get their minds tuned into keeping a conversation with a woman rolling.
After a night approaching women at a bar or club, the instructors hold a debriefing the next morning and go over what the participants did right and wrong. Then they head out again to hit on more women.
THE MORNING AFTER...
Ben and the five other participants, ranging in age from 21 to 43, met with their four coaches Saturday at a McDonald's near Union Square, the morning after a deflating evening of hitting on women at the Gansevoort.
Sam, a stocky, recent college graduate from Boston with shaved head and thick chain around his neck, said he is tired of sleeping with "drunk chicks" and wants to learn how to properly "pursue and attain" the women of his choice.
Tim, 23, a New York piano tuner, said his new full-time job makes it hard for him to meet women.
"This was something I was willing to splurge on," said Tim, who also did not want to give his last name. "I live in a city with millions of women, and I want to meet some of them."
Ben said that despite his lack of luck with women on Friday night, he tried to "learn a little from each interaction."
Forty minutes later, he was standing in a nearby Barnes & Noble book store, eyeing a small woman in a hat and glasses who was thumbing through a book. He sidled up to her and took a book from a shelf near her, but she didn't notice him and soon walked away without talking to him.
"A lot of guys defeat themselves right away," Saviour whispered, looking on. "If he thinks she's not interested, he'll clam up. That's exactly what happened."
To get Ben back on track, Savior has him talk to a male store clerk so he can interact with another person without pressure. Soon, Ben approaches another woman but she too walks away without noticing him.
"I feel a bit shaken up," Ben said after his latest rejection. "There is information coming from a lot of different places. I feel a bit like a pickup artist."
By the early hours of Sunday at a crowded rooftop bar on Fifth Avenue, Ben finally has a confident glow. Other Charm School students are partying on the fringes of a drunken bachelorette party full of New Jersey women.
But Ben, dressed in a dark shirt and slacks and standing tall in the middle of the crowd, has already talked to four groups of women by 11:30 p.m., made some connections and is on the lookout for more.
Just a day into Charm School, Ben says he has begun to absorb some of its tenets, like honestly justifying to the women why he has approached them, genuinely stating their uniqueness, then making slight, gentlemanly physical contact, like a touch of the arm at just the right time.
"I would say in terms of last night's performance, I've definitely found my path to fulfillment," he said. "Last night I felt uncomfortable, but I've taken in what they've taught me. I've been myself, and it's worked."
i think what's worse is the big dog whose nose is crotch level and that is where he sticks it upon meeting people. i was at someone's house last week where i had that happen. the owner was mortified, but it has to happen constantly, i would think.
My experience was to be honest with women and not play stupid games. Just show I'm nicely interested. Little hearts get warm and open up in a cute way:) Isn't this the way men and women met each other all these thousands of years? I think so.
"That's a nice dress. It'd look good on my bedroom floor."
Yep...I've met a few of those! And what's worse is when they catch you from behind...
Then there was my dachshund, who had a thing for undergarments. It's just soooo fun when you have a bunch of guests over and your little dog comes charging into the crowd dragging a pair of panties. *blush*
All of which has nothing to do with dating. ;-) It isn't exactly a good way to impress potential dates, either!
Ain't that always the way.
oh yeah! loosh is a HUGE unabashed panty chewer! he has never pulled any undergarments out in the middle of a gathering though!
;-)
I won't say a thing.... ;-)
Exactly, and the tactics taught in these seminars can be quite effective in attracting/seducing women like that...
Those women function in a relatively small world. If they don't know who you are before you walk up to them, they'll certainly know who you are after the fourth sentence out of your mouth. There really are no effective "tactics" that can disguise who you are in those situations.
Well if you went to charm school, you must have graduated with honors! :P
I have to question that logic. My wife's first words to me, ever, were, "You're too short." It summed up her entire feelings about me in not only those first few minutes, but probably days as well. Obviously, I got past that.
I'm your complete opposite. I'm as ugly as homemade sin, but it never hindered me in the slightest. I don't know if I was really confident or not, but I've never had difficulty talking with or flirting with women.
My point is - there is no one size fits all. Perhaps young, inexperienced women will be attracted to a man full of confidence. Then there are those who have been burned by self-assured jerks and find a shy man intriguing.
I find it amusing that you just assume that experienced, mature women wouldn't find a confident man appealing. I mean no insult by this whatsoever, but I'd lay odds that it's a belief that you've convinced yourself of to make yourself feel better.
Obviously she didnt decide you were on the "never will" list. :)
I am the most shy person you'll ever meet.. hell I had an anxiety attack right before the first date with my wife! I remember that day like it was yesterday... after a couple of minutes doing breathing exercises, I headed out to meet my future wife and take her out for dinner and the movies.
you know what got me the love of my life?
determination, respect, love, honesty, manners, and being a gentleman at every opportunity... the rest is history.
Interesting. Being a thrill addicted, adrenaline loving bad boy is what attracted my wife to me, and 15 years later, it's still working.
I guess there's no sure-fire method. we are all halves.. love happens when we meet the other half of us :)
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