Posted on 08/17/2006 4:42:10 AM PDT by 7thson
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Ben had a rough Friday night picking up women on the Hotel Gansevoort's balcony after being coldly rejected by two attractive blonds.
The 23-year-old documentary filmmaker, who asked his last name not be used for fear of ridicule, suffers from an acute case of "premature ejectulation" -- ejecting himself early from promising conversations with women for fear of rejection.
Such was the diagnosis from the coaches of "Charm School Boot Camp," a three-day crash course on seducing women that Ben and five other men paid $1,600 apiece for in early August.
"If I were to look at it objectively, I would feel really good about it, and then just leave," Ben said.
Ben is not the only man with crippling fears when it comes to chatting up women. That's why Charm School, run by an Ann Arbor, Michigan-based company called Charisma Arts, has no problem finding men who need intense guidance and fieldwork approaching women at places like bookstores and bars.
"People think we're teaching guys with no confidence who are bad with women," said Charisma Arts co-founder Wayne Elise. "We teach guys how to be themselves in a very unnatural environment, how to cold approach strangers and make them comfortable enough to open themselves up."
Charisma Arts runs weekend Charm School seminars in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, London and Sydney. Some students find out about the course from the company's Web site, www.charismaarts.com.
The Charm School's lesson plan stays away from canned lines and instructs men to think on their feet when talking to women, to put their insecurities aside and react naturally to a women's subtle cues, said Johnny Saviour, 21, a Charisma Arts instructor.
The class starts on Friday afternoon with the instructors going over Elise's attraction theory. They then practice the theory by approaching each other as if they were women, and they do word association exercises to get their minds tuned into keeping a conversation with a woman rolling.
After a night approaching women at a bar or club, the instructors hold a debriefing the next morning and go over what the participants did right and wrong. Then they head out again to hit on more women.
THE MORNING AFTER...
Ben and the five other participants, ranging in age from 21 to 43, met with their four coaches Saturday at a McDonald's near Union Square, the morning after a deflating evening of hitting on women at the Gansevoort.
Sam, a stocky, recent college graduate from Boston with shaved head and thick chain around his neck, said he is tired of sleeping with "drunk chicks" and wants to learn how to properly "pursue and attain" the women of his choice.
Tim, 23, a New York piano tuner, said his new full-time job makes it hard for him to meet women.
"This was something I was willing to splurge on," said Tim, who also did not want to give his last name. "I live in a city with millions of women, and I want to meet some of them."
Ben said that despite his lack of luck with women on Friday night, he tried to "learn a little from each interaction."
Forty minutes later, he was standing in a nearby Barnes & Noble book store, eyeing a small woman in a hat and glasses who was thumbing through a book. He sidled up to her and took a book from a shelf near her, but she didn't notice him and soon walked away without talking to him.
"A lot of guys defeat themselves right away," Saviour whispered, looking on. "If he thinks she's not interested, he'll clam up. That's exactly what happened."
To get Ben back on track, Savior has him talk to a male store clerk so he can interact with another person without pressure. Soon, Ben approaches another woman but she too walks away without noticing him.
"I feel a bit shaken up," Ben said after his latest rejection. "There is information coming from a lot of different places. I feel a bit like a pickup artist."
By the early hours of Sunday at a crowded rooftop bar on Fifth Avenue, Ben finally has a confident glow. Other Charm School students are partying on the fringes of a drunken bachelorette party full of New Jersey women.
But Ben, dressed in a dark shirt and slacks and standing tall in the middle of the crowd, has already talked to four groups of women by 11:30 p.m., made some connections and is on the lookout for more.
Just a day into Charm School, Ben says he has begun to absorb some of its tenets, like honestly justifying to the women why he has approached them, genuinely stating their uniqueness, then making slight, gentlemanly physical contact, like a touch of the arm at just the right time.
"I would say in terms of last night's performance, I've definitely found my path to fulfillment," he said. "Last night I felt uncomfortable, but I've taken in what they've taught me. I've been myself, and it's worked."
Yes! Exactly. A bunch of blah-blah-blah followed by "gentleman, here are the skanks!"
"Well don't make creepy serial rapist posts, and nobody will think you are a serial rapist."
Perhaps you read into my post something from your sub-conscious.
I don't see whats creepy about saying that causal encounters are dangerous. If anything thats advocating behavior which would significantly reduce the possibility of rape.
I could certainly use a service like this, but $1,600 is simply too much money.
Much like eharmony.com, which seems like a good idea until you realize that it costs $50 a month or some insane amount. I tried it for a month, then stopped when I decided I definitely wasn't getting my money's worth.
I do not like giving my email or phone number to anyone - even friends. I think women - and men - who give their phone number out to total strangers are idiots. If the number is listed, all you have to do is type the number in Google or Yahoo and you have an name and address. It's a wonder there are not more murders than there are.
How long did it take you to think of that one?8-)
You summed up the article perfectly.
In a noisy dance club, I'd ask a pretty girl "Would you like to dance?"
If she said no, I'd say "You must not have heard me...you look fat in those pants!"
"Much like eharmony.com, which seems like a good idea until you realize that it costs $50 a month or some insane amount."
Here in Florida they advertise that 90 members of their service get married every day. Thats a lotta people, 32,850 per year.
I've been to the Gansevoort's terrace many times. These guys are definitely out of their weight class.
Shoot - why didn't I think of this? (A "there's a sucker born every minute" type business.)
Are these guys looking for love or a one night stand???
No, they're looking to be in with the "cool kids."
Those 90 folks must be paying a fortune in alimony.
(rimshot)
Well you are probably right about them being out of their league. I would be willing to tell them that for $500 and then they could have saved $1100. I would also be willing to tell them that they are fat and bald for an extra $100.
"If you don't see this as a f'ed up post, I don't know what to say to you."
Do you go into bars expecting to find the love of your life? Most people I have knew when I was younger went to bars for a fun time. Fun is usually defined as getting drunk, maybe a little dancing, and the ultimate goal of going home with someone for a one night stand. One night stands are usually defined as casual sex. Being promiscious is a dangerous behavior.
Maybe things have changed, I haven't spent any significant time in a bar in the last 15 years.
Perhaps you are reading too much into my original post based on your personal experience or fears.
I bought my pick up in 1978, a GMC long bed. Alas , I bought a new van and the old truck is now for sale.
So far, no takers.
The subtext of the article is really, really insulting if you read it carefully. Basically it says: "Hey, loser, you don't get the beautiful women at the hipster bar. What you get are drunk Jersey girls."
"Those 90 folks must be paying a fortune in alimony."
I always took their commercial to mean 90 different people. I guess it could be the 45 couples playing musical chairs (aka marriage).
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.