Posted on 06/07/2006 11:10:49 AM PDT by Positive
Well, I've been around here for 8 years or so...
I don't think I have ever asked Freepers for help for myself. I have asked for help for a person in distress who is from the UK and was having a crisis in Fresno, CA...Freepers came through.
So here is my problem...my 18 year old daughter, who was raised by her mother since our split 8 years ago, announced at her high school graduation last Sunday that she will be attending San Francisco State University.
I have spoken with her about it, and the conversation was confrontational and unproductive...
Please, anybody, would you share with me any information that might cause her to reconsider...she knows I'm a conservative, she "knows" she's a liberal...in fact, of course, as is usually the case when one is 18 she "knows" everything....
Might work...
Was it Winston Churchill who said "If you're not a liberal when you're 20, you don't have a heart. If you're not a republican when you're 40, you don't have a brain."?
That's what Dad's are for.
Yes, she is a resident of Riverside County.
First, you have no choice. If you weren't the primary Parent, you just cannot expect that she will hew to your ideals.
Second, few college students really get involved in politics other than jsut spewing the tripe they feed them. All the blather and defiance they exhibit usually amounts to no real effect. It's just youthful blather with little thought of knowledge behind it.
Third, this is an opportunity for you and your daughter to take a new direction in your relationship. One that is adult oriented. You have the opportunity to discuss issues adult to adult (even though she is still young). You will be able to discuss the garbage she is learning in college, counter her blather with your own well founded Conservative facts, and both of you can act as adults in so doing.
If you do it right, you can actually gain respect for each other by discussing things like level headed and thoughtful adults. If she begins to get shrill with her leftism learned from the college, you have the chance to remind her that adults can discuss things with passion but not hatred!
Like many people, she may end up more conservative as the years go by and you might be a bedrock from which she might discover that conservatism.
Like I said, you might have an opportunity here for something good in the long run.
If she stays a leftist, lock your door and never let her come back!! Ha, ha.
Chill out. Good judgement comes from experience. Experience usually comes from bad judgement. She has to figure this out for herself. At least she is going to college and not hooking up with some bum, bad group of friends or knocked up. There is a bright side here...
What's the issue? You should back off. She should be liberal at 18. SFSU is a fine school.
Don't make it an issue or she will dig her heels in even harder. If it helps, my daughter is attending a liberal leaning private university. She's turned into a "greenie" and I hear constant comments about how the products I buy and use are destroying the rain forest (eyeroll). We're in Texas and she has an over abundance of sympathy for the plight of the "poor" illegals for which I could cheerfully slap her. But on the plus side she attends a campus church, thinks friends who drink and drive are stupid, she rejects drugs, she recognizes her English professor's lesbian agenda and resents having it crammed down her throat. She was raised with conservative values and I have faith a dose of life in the real world will revise some of her opinions. It's an age of experimenting with different ideas and being exposed to different ethics and value systems. Just pray!
Not exactly. Since Churchill was in Britain, he used the term "conservative", not "Republican".
Isn't this redundant? After all, she's going to SF State.
Dan,
Berkeley is only a shadow of liberalism as compared to SFSU. Total takeover by Palis against Israel. It has the worst reputation of all CSUs.
Tell her that if she doesn't go to Bob Jones University you will never ever speak to her again.
And then be true to your word.
That should screw up both of your lives sufficiently.
DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WANT THE FLUFF ANSWER.
The more you hand ring the more she will revel in it. The best situation you can do is go for the long game plan. Do your best to celebrate the things in her life you can celebrate without endorsing things that are against your values. Do your best to create a true authentic adult/adult relationship based on mutual respect. Do not force your opinions down her throat but model the continuity a conservative life style offers. In about 10 years or so when she has kids, (if she isn't partnering with some girl,sorry) and if you have focused on doing what you need to do to better align with your own values, maybe she will see the contrast and draw close.
If you split when she was 10 regardless of who was at fault then you will have a hell of alot of work to do creating an authentic relationship with her. A father leaving a daughter at any age is debilitating, at pre-teen age it's devastating. Fathers form the model of how they will be treated as women, if that model leaves, then they drift in an emotional chaos and cling to anything and anyone to provide stability, love and safety.
If you have hurt her and she sees you paniced about her life
choices be prepared for getting a whole lot more of it. Especially at the USF.
You probably have not made it to the bottom of this, but maybe some other Freeper will learn.
W.
A&M is where I wanted my daughter to go ..... sniff, sniff
Keep on loving her. That's your most important function.
Although I'd be concerned about the college my kids chose, I'd be far more concerned about the classes they take. Is she majoring in science or engineering? Not too much of a worry. Is she majoring in women's studies, ethnic studies, psychology, political science or taking classes in those fields? Maybe some cause for concern.
My best advice is to keep the lines of communication open. Call, email, write, IM, send care packages.
And BTW, you aren't failing. You're just struggling. As long as you're still communicating, you're dealing with it successfully.
All the best to you and your daughter.
Nobody with an IQ and a pulse should be liberal at ANY age.
Well, hard as it is and you will have to bite your tongue, try not to be confrontational, it will only help to 'convince' her, given her age, that she is right. Whether or not you chip in with her college costs, try to keep the lines of communication open. That first year is an eye opener for everyone. Sadly, many, many colleges are really liberal, or have a large lib body, so she can still get an education amidst the libs, even if it's served up with dose of lib rhetoric. If you can, discuss her courses with her, her options, suggest ideas to fill her 'electives'. If she isn't sharing that info readily, go to the university website. Your example to her as a conservative, discussing issues with her if possible, will be more powerful than any negative comments she gets demonizing conservatives (there's where the tongue biting comes in). You have an opportunity to be a powerful role model of a conservative to her that will fly in the face of the lib idea of what a conservative is, and contrast the role models of libs around her. A dose of reality, as others have mentioned, will help, too. I was swayed by some lib arguments in college, but the Reagan years and reality helped me see the light, and, later, sites like this!
Tell her to consider the minor in LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENDER STUDIES:
http://www.sfsu.edu/~bulletin/current/programs/gaylesbi.htm
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