Dems Tried To Stall Alito Hearings (HILARIOUS STUFF MUST READ!)

WAZZADEM ^ | 1/25/06

[areafiftyone]

Apparently, C-Span has been editing its coverage of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on the Alito nomination.

Here's the tape they don't want you to see.

At this time the Chair recognizes the senator from Delaware - Senator Biden.

 

 

 

 

I'll be with you shortly.

 

 

 

 

Senator, this committe is in session, so if you're not prepared, we'll come back to you later.

 

 

 

 

Just hold on, I think I'm almost done.

 

 

 

 

I'd like to remind my good friend that we don't have time to wait for him while he...

 

 

 

 

And I'd like to remind my good friend that the American people want us - no, they demand that we take as much time as...Oh, come on! Where did that green one go??

 

 

 

 

Is the senator from New York prepared to speak with Judge Alito?

 

 

 

 

I certainly am.

 

 

 

 

The Chair recognizes Senator Schumer.

 

 

 

 

Dammit!

 

 

 

 

Good morning, Judge Alito.

 

 

 

 

Good morning, Senator.

 

 

 

 

Judge, you and I go way back, and...

 

 

 

 

We do?

 

 

 

 

All right, I suppose that might be a bit of an overstatement, but I think it's fair to say that we've been through a lot together, right?

 

 

 

 

No, not really.

 

 

 

 

Fine. Let me rephrase that. Perhaps we haven't known each other for very long, and our interaction has been somewhat limited, but I don't think there's any doubt that we've become good friends - fair enough?

 

 

 

 

Well, let's see - I went to meet with you in your office, and you were certainly friendly enough there in front of the cameras.

 

 

 

 

Exactly, so I...

 

 

 

 

But, before that, you held a press conference where you suggested that I might undo the accomplishments of people like Rosa Parks.

 

 

 

 

That's not exactly what I meant to...

 

 

 

 

And ever since then you've purposely distorted my written opinons, taken quotes out of context, suggested that I...

 

 

 

 

All right! So, maybe we're not exactly best friends.

 

 

 

 

Senator, might I suggest that you quit while you're ahead - or at least before you dig yourself any deeper.

 

 

 

 

Fine, I'll just move on to my questions. Judge, when I say angling gear, what do you think of?

 

 

 

 

I don't know - fishing pole? I don't understand what you're getting at.

 

 

 

 

No, that's not it.

 

 

 

 

I'm looking for one ten-letter word. This one's really got me stumped.

 

 

 

 

Is that a crossword puzzle??

 

 

 

 

It's not a crossword puzzle, it's the world's largest crossword puzzle, and I'm only 794 answers away from completing it.

 

 

 

 

*Sigh* Senator Feinstein?

 

 

 

 

Busy right now.

 

 

 

 

Doing what?

 

 

 

 

Writing my memoirs. Keep your pants on, I'm almost halfway done.

 

 

 

 

We can't hold this hearing up while you...

 

 

 

 

Mr. Chairman, my constituents will not stand by and watch you try to ramrod this nominee through the...Look, just fill in the blanks, I'm trying to concentrate.

 

 

 

 

The Senator from Illinois is recognized.

 

 

 

 

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Judge Alito, I'm going to ask you to take a close look at me. Do you notice anything unusual?

 

 

 

 

No, not right offhand.

 

 

 

 

Look closer. You don't see anything out of the ordinary?

 

 

 

 

Did you get a new wig?

 

 

 

 

I don't wear a wig!

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry, I meant to say hairpiece.

 

 

 

 

I don't wear a hairpiece!

 

 

 

 

Well, what do you call it? Male scalp enhancement?

 

 

 

 

This is my real hair! I'm talking about my name. My name is missing.

 

 

 

 

I'm not following you.

 

 

 

 

Well, the little C-Span thingy is right here on my left arm, but where's the banner with my name?

 

 

 

 

Senator, we really need to move this along. Now, if you have a question for...

 

 

 

 

Mr. Chairman, you may not care that you don't have a name banner, but you have the House, the Senate, the White House, and now you're about to tip the Supreme Court in your favor. Can I at least have my name banner?? I'm the Assistant Minority Leader!

 

 

 

 

Can the folks at C-Span please give Senator Durbin his name banner so we can move on?

 

 

 

 

That's better.

 

 

 

 

Actually, I don't like that font. Have you got something in a Times New Roman?

 

 

 

 

The Chair recognizes the senior Senator from Massachusetts.

 

 

 

 

I'll be with you as soon as I finish my book.

 

 

 

 

Senator Kennedy, with all due respect...

 

 

 

 

Mr. Chairman, you may be able to intimidate the other members of this committee, but I assure you that I am not easily intimidated, so if you think...

 

 

 

 

I have a responsibility to...uh, Senator, your book is, um...

 

 

 

 

What? Oh, how did that...

 

 

 

 

Excuse me, can I make a suggestion?

 

 

 

 

Certainly.

 

 

 

 

Can you just vote, already? Something tells me I'm going to get eight thumbs-down votes no matter what I say.

 

 

 

 

Good idea, Let's go around the table - Senator Leahy.

 

 

 

 

Nope.

 

 

 

 

Durbin.

 

 

 

 

You have Arial Bold?

 

 

 

 

Feingold.

 

 

 

 

Not a chance.

 

 

 

 

Schumer.

 

 

 

 

What?

 

 

 

 

Vote?

 

 

 

 

No, that's only four letters.

 

 

 

 

Kohl.

 

 

 

 

Nah.

 

 

 

 

Biden?

 

 

 

 

SON OF A B*TCH!

 

 

 

 

Ms. Feinstein.

 

 

 

 

Her t-shirt clung to her sweaty body as her breasts heaved with each anxious breath.

 

 

 

 

That's a no. Senator Kennedy?

 

 

 

 

I'm trying to listen to Senator Feinstein!

 

 

 

 

That's a wrap, we're adjourned.

 

 

 

 

Protractor!

 

[chs68]

Thanks for the ping.

This is one of the funniest things I have seen in quite a while.

[dead]

Funny stuff!

[GOPJ]

LOL

[Brett66]

ROFL!

[EveningStar]

You're welcome. There's more at the site.

[colorcountry]

Thanks - that is priceless!

[lesser_satan]

Thanks for the ping, this is awesome.

[wallcrawlr]

great ping.


LOL

good stuff

[pettifogger]

This is too funny.

[NRA2BFree]

That's hilarious stuff! Thanks for the laugh!! :o)

[Xenalyte]

Excellent humor ping!

[areafiftyone]

You are welcome. I love posting WAZZADEM stuff.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Excellent!

[gaijin]

great material.

[YoungCurmudgeon]

Ping me anytime! Thanks! Funny stuff.

[TheBigB]

*wipes eyes*

Oh, that's fuuneeeee! :^)

Martin, I respectfully submit this for an industrial strength humor ping!

[cgk]

Excellent! Thanks for the much-needed laugh... !

[f zero]

Certainly killed 5 min of my day, at least I got a laugh out of the deal!

Thanks for the ping.

[SelmaLee]

WuzzaDem - one of the funniest places online!

[Rummyfan]

Thanks! Needed a laugh right now.