Some parents boycott North Side restaurant: Owner posted sign asking kids to 'behave'

abclocal.go.com ^ | 11/09/05 | Kevin Roy

[Ellesu]

- A classic case of the haves and have-nots is playing out in restaurants in Chicago and across the country over the behavior of children. People without children are asking parents to control their kids. One North Side restaurant owner has posted a sign asking families to keep it down while chowing down.

What's happening at the A Taste of Heaven restaurant in Andersonville seems to be touching off a great debate nationwide. Here's the question: Are children these days out of control? The owner of the restaurant thinks far too many of them are, and he blames their parents. A Taste of Heaven is a tiny restaurant with a little sign on the front door that says "Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices." But it is causing a big controversy. Dozens of mothers are now boycotting the place, the same mothers the owner says don't place limits on their children.

"Her kids are using the poles on the walls to climb the walls like Batman, and I'm not exaggerating," said Dan McCauley, restaurant owner.

He asked that woman to never come back.

Kim Cavitt says she was offended when she was told her 2-year-old daughter should quiet down or they could leave.

"My response was, then we're leaving," Cavitt said.

Kim says her daughter is welcomed in many other Andersonville establishments, like the Swedish bakery, which gives out free cookies to kids, or Starbucks.

"And the way he handled it is extremely offensive. If you don't want children, great, that's great. Put a sign up that says no children allowed, not a benign thing where you are subjectively deciding what you consider to be positive behavior," said Cavitt.

But the little sign has touched a raw nerve. The New York Times called it Wednesday a culture clash between the childless and the child-centered.

Is it a sense of entitlement?

"It's a sense of my money is green and I get to have what I want," said McCauley.

"I am not sure whey people are upset the restaurant doesn't want their kids to act like a brat," said Lara Osborne, restaurant patron.

"That is really taking a stand for something," said Patrick Tully, restaurant patron.

A Taste of Heaven is not alone in doing this. Another restaurant, Toast, in Lincoln Park, has a note on the menu asking people there to use their inside voices. Many other restaurants across the nation are doing similar things.

One thing is for certain, with or without those boycotting mothers, A Taste of Heaven, with all of this attention, is going to be selling a lot more scones.

[carlr]

When I worked in a NAPA store I was amazed how many people would bring their kids in and turn them loose while they came to the counter.
This was in a store full of chemicals and other dangerous things and the parents paid no attention.
In grocery stores they let them run around and take things off the shelf and put them in the cart while pleading with them to "please don`t do that" or something similar.
When I was growing up you never and I mean never got more than 3 steps away from my parents and if I was acting up I got one particular look from my father that said "knock it off".
If I went farther I was in line for a swat.

[No Longer Free State]

Since when is "Starbucks" an "eatery"?

[Tax-chick]

I've found with my seven that if you tell them, "We're going without supper (or lunch) if you're not quiet!" they sit like little angels :-). People often say, "Oh, your kids are so good!" and I respond, "That's because they're hungry!"

[Xenophobic Alien]

I remeber once when I was a kid, I was goofing off. My dad took my outside and told me if I said one more word in the resturant he was going to stick his cowboy boot up my a$$. My dad didn't make empty threats, I shut my mouth for the rest of dinner and never acted up again.

[Tax-chick]

Kim Cavitt says she was offended when she was told her 2-year-old daughter should quiet down or they could leave. "My response was, then we're leaving," Cavitt said.

Correct response. It's hard to keep a 2-year-old quiet, I admit, but you owe it to the public to keep 2-year-olds out of places where quiet can be expected.

My youngest (not quite two) can be pretty noisy, and we almost never take him to restaurants, unless we're on the road and have no choice. (And quiet isn't expected at Hardee's.)

[Chickensoup]

I sit in the car with the children, before we go in and review what I expect. It boils down to cooperative, polite and obedient. I give details for the younger ones such as "I expect to correct you only once." I put on the line what is at stake...."You will never see the light of day....not really, but they walk in knowing that good behavior means dessert and bad behavior means a long week.

[MotleyGirl70]

A couple years back my mom and I went to this nice Italian restaurant for dinner.

The restaurant was filled and we got seated to this family of five (three kids).

We order our pizza and tried to have a nice conversation, but we couldn't hear each other over the shouting and rowdy kids sitting at the table next to us.

We just sat and watch how these brats were acting and watching the parents do nothing about their behavior.

Needless to say, when our order came, we had them wrap it up right away so we could get out of their and eat at my house.

The parents looked at us as we left and knew why we couldn't dine there.

That was the worse display of public parenting I've ever seen.

[Chickensoup]

I also work at times with the severely abused. However, there is a world of difference between adults meeting their needs on an otherwise neglected or beaten child, and a focused and concerned parent trying to direct their overly rambunctious child. Spankings can work and a well spanked but well loved and directed child grows up with limits and guidelines.

[sit-rep]

There have been times we have been out as a family and have seen other kids running around and being annoyances. My kids watch and smile and as they start to even think about moving closer to the edge of their chair they look at me and recieve "that look" and forget all about the other kids...

[Tax-chick]

We don't take all of ours out very often, because of the cost. Last week we all went to the Chinese buffet for Tom's birthday, and everyone was just fine except the baby. He yelled a few times, but the place was almost empty (a Monday evening), and we were back in a corner.

I think parents have to combine expectations for good behavior with some common sense about what is just the WRONG place to be, especially with a toddler. Takeout can be a good idea :-).

[sit-rep]

recieve = receive... (cough)

[najida]

I agree.

We have adult clients in our 'big' facility that we all agree could have used a few more spankings as children. Now they weigh 250 pounds and have a punch like Tyson and have the IQ of a 7 year old.

BUT, while cognitively I can understand it, emotionally (yes, that evil conservative nemesis) I can't get past the acts of out of control adults coming down on kids. So, I will always side on non-hitting side of things and I will always read these threads through the eyes of the monsters who are saying "See!! I'm OK! I'm doing the right thing!"

Because I was abused and am emotionally damaged, I chose (after fostering) not to pursue adoption....and 2 of my 3 siblings have chosen not to have children also---to quote a brother, the best revenge is not passing on the family name.

[Rebelbase]

""Kim Cavitt says she was offended when she was told her 2-year-old daughter should quiet down or they could leave."

Offensive because it exposed Mrs. Cavitt's lack of parenting skill?

[martin_fierro]

"And the way he handled it is extremely offensive. If you don't want children, great, that's great. Put a sign up that says no children allowed, not a benign thing where you are subjectively deciding what you consider to be positive behavior," said Cavitt.

Good behavior in a public restaurant isn't subjective.

And even if it were -- it's his restaurant.

[Ellesu]

We never wanted to take ours to non fast food places when they were that young. We ordered to go, or got a sitter. Now they are old enough to sit still and be quiet.

[ozarkgirl]

Spankings can work and a well spanked but well loved and directed child grows up with limits and guidelines.

Obviously najida still has issues. I'm sorry that your life of horrible abuse affects you to this day. Most of us who've had normal and well deserved spankings aren't affected and thank our parents for raising us "right". There is a huge difference between a few smacks on the bottom and abuse. I was spanked, I don't feel the least abused.

[HungarianGypsy]

I remember being at a Sizzler one night watching a group of kids scream, jump around, and cause all sorts of ruckus. There was a family next to them (a man, woman, and little girl) who looked so relieved when these children left. Then they looked toward my table with my many children just quietly enjoying their meal. The man actually looked amazed and pointed us out to his wife.
I always like it when we are in a restaurant and someone turns around to say, "I didn't know there were any children there." My children know their dad and i really appreciate those compliments about them too.

[SuzyQue]

..my money is green and I get to have what I want," said McCauley.

I think we may have found the problem.

[ozarkgirl]

"Oh, your kids are so good!" and I respond, "That's because they're hungry!"

No, it's because they know you will follow through. They know you're not gonna say "you won't get any supper if you don't sit down", "I mean it", "Now sit down or you won't get any dinner", "if you get up one more time...". I hate when that happens, I just want to go over and say "sit down now!" and give them the "look".

I have to agree with your take on the two year old. They are not the same as having a say 7 year old "climbing the wall like Batman". I would not expect a 2 year old to behave like a 7 year old, unfortunately some of our 7 year olds behave like 2 year olds at restaurants.

I guess I agree to a degree with the owners of the restaurant, if people would make their children behave this wouldn't be a problem. I'm kinda sorry we don't live in a society where we can have a certain amount of tolerance for children (they are not little adults) yet still expect them to behave age appropriately.

[HairOfTheDog]

I sympathize, but the thread isn't about spanking...

It's about parents who would boycott a restaurant because their kids are expected to behave inside. What kind of a stand is that to make? It's the whole other end of the spectrum.