The Advice Goddess

Westword.com ^ | Amy Alkon

[Millee]

I'm 40, the cute girl from upstairs is 23. When she stopped by to commiserate about loud neighbors, we had a beer, went dancing, and then had sex. Afterward, she seemed weird and left abruptly. I wrote her a note, "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I love you and look forward to seeing you again." She hasn't looked at me since. Where did I go wrong? -- Mr. Neighbor

Grateful as you may be to a girl for having sex with you, it's never a good idea to let on. You could've had a future with her -- the kind 40-year-old guys without handfuls of bling typically have with 23-year-old girls: jump-starting their cars, lugging their couches up four flights of stairs, and maybe catching a little action when there are no hot young guys to be found. You blew it, though, with "I'm a lonely sack of emptiness!" -- which is how "I love you" translates after one beer, one dance, and one roll in the sack. (You say "I love you"; she says "It seemed like a good idea at the time.")

[Dashing Dasher]

Now batman is giving diet advice.

whatever

[Millee]

I just heard a country song titled (?) "Tequila makes her clothes fall off". So be carefull on those ICANTTAKEITANYMORE days.





(or not....) ;o)

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

All of them or just this type. I see something funny or troubling depending and I make up pings as I go.

Hell, I even had a "Missing Penis PING", once. Who would ever think I would have gotten to use that one.

[Paul_Denton]

LOL thats hilarious. But yes all of them.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

I heard that song. And I changed the words to "Tequila Makes My Lunch Come Up". Because I got sick on shooters when I was 16, and I cannot touch the stuff, unless it is mixed enough I can't taste it.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

OK, you got it!!

[najida]

Nah, I'd rather think Titian myself :)

[najida]

I should be so lucky! (And the song is a hoot "Sometimes she comes home in just a tablecloth...cuz tequila makes her clothes fall off")

[HitmanLV]

That's the spirit! ;-)

[Paul_Denton]

Thanks :)

[Dashing Dasher]

She said I'm going out with my girlfriends
Marguerite is at the holiday inn
Oh have mercy my only thought
Was tequila makes her clothes fall off
I told her put an extra layer on
I know what happens when she drinks patron?
Her closets missing half the things she bought
Yea tequila makes her clothes fall off

She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink

Them panty hose aint gonna last too long
If the dj puts bon jovi on
She might come home in a table cloth
Yea tequila makes her clothes fall off

She can handle any champagne brunch
A bridal shower with Bacardi punch
Jello shooters full of Smirnoff
But tequila makes her clothes fall off

She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink

She don't mean nothing
She just havin fun
Tomorrow she say oh what have I done
Her friends will joke about the stuff she lost
Yea tequila makes her clothes fall off
Oh tequila makes her clothes fall off
Oh tequila makes her clothes fall off

[Millee]

I like your version better and I'm right there with ya! I love a good margarita, but otherwise......

[dorathexplorer]

[PaulaB]

back before I straightened my life up (don't laugh)

I got into a tequila shot contest with a girlfriend of mine
in my stupidity I had forgotten she was part Mexican
I knew I was in trouble when my chin went numb...thats the last thing I remember..telling Rose my chin was numbing and her laughing but still drinking ....

Rose if your out there and read this..you won love ;)

[SweetCaroline]

I got sick on shooters ....so did I, but, it was Tequila shooters and Black Russian's. I can't even stand the smell now and that was 15 years ago!

[Dashing Dasher]

Southern Comfort for me.

Can't even think about it without getting a little woozie.

[Millee]

A long time ago (August 2005) I had a night of Ouzo & Jaggermeister. I lived (barely), but Forrest Gump could kick my a55 in checkers because of that night.

[SweetCaroline]

Never did like the smell of Southern Comfort, so I never tried it. One I did love (when I was a drinker was Grand Meir-nay.(sp)eeeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

[Dashing Dasher]

LOL!!!

[EX52D]

I would have to go with an entire bottle of Peppermint Schnapps that kicked my arse...yuck, what was I thinking?