**** Official Friday Silliness Thread ****

FR | 10/28/2005 | TheUsualSuspects

[BJClinton]

Funny thing happened on the way to the office...okay, not really funny, but upon entering my office I was smacked in the face with the overwhelming smell of propane (insert Hank Hill joke). Our office shares the same building with a restaraunt (source of the propane leak) and a veteranarian's office, so I've spent the last few hours evacuating cats, dogs and some kinda lizard from the vet and trying to convince English-challenged kitchen staff to evacuate. But that's over, I'm back at home and it's time for a beer. Oh, and the OFST ping list is on a 'puter surrounded by explosive gas so if y'all could ping some of the usual suspects...

[Maximus of Texas]

Very doable.

[dorathexplorer]

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.
"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked
meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna
eat! Alright! Is that alright with you? Can I come home
from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food
down my throat? huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing
things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to
herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

[PaulaB]

Haven't heard that one

but did you know that Band did

a version of Johnny Cash

"Ring Of Fire"

LOL..that just struck me as funny

and hard to picture

[EX52D]

[dorathexplorer]

The professor was removing organs from the deceased before his students, all the while saying, ". . . and this is the heart, and this is the liver, and this is the kidney, and this is . . ."
"What the heck is the professor doing?" asked a student.
"Shh! He's giving an organ recital."

You heard about the little mouse who looked up, saw a bat, and thought it was his fairy godmother?

Bloodshed - where the Red Cross keeps the plasma

Cemetary - bone zone.

Headline: "Due to strike, grave-digging at cemetary will be done by skeleton crews"

A kid stole a sign from a nursery and stuck it in front of a funeral parlor. It read: "LET US DO YOUR PLANTING FOR YOU."

Undertaker - the last guy to let you down.

[PaulaB]

Good one sister ;)

[mcar]

This from another thread

cute

carve a pumpkin

[appalachian_dweller]

>> guy that I loaned my costume to sure had one helluva time <<

LOL!

[Maximus of Texas]

I was laughing so hard at that joke that I failed to notice at first your glaring mistake.

Davy Crockett was at the Alamo, not Daniel Boone.

[dorathexplorer]

With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!! Please use these helpful hints this and every year.

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at east twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to he nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, hoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple uns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.

20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.

21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.

HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

[r-q-tek86]

A bunch of West Texas boys are standing on a hill, looking down over the heard of sheep below. They quickly start picking on the new guy in the group (a red raider) and tell him...

"Why don't you go down there and scr*w one of them sheep?"

The new guy says... "naw... you guys'd laugh at me"

"no we wouldn't... go on"

So he does.

Just as he really gets into it, all the guys start laughing.

"I knew that you would laugh at me!"

"We ain't laughing at you for doing the sheep... we're laughing cause you picked the ugly one!"

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

That is a classic!!!!

[Maximus of Texas]

Darn, the site was blocked by my work's server.

[Darksheare]

I had the Hair of the Dammed this morning, fit the pale complexion and the vampiric appearance.

[teenyelliott]

Sounds like a PBS show

How dare you.

[r-q-tek86]

Rule 22... never use that font color again!

[PaulaB]

[r-q-tek86]

I was thinking of Bowie... just f'd up

[dorathexplorer]

The top 15 complaints of the modern day vampire :-

15) Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
14) Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
13) Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.
12) Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
11) Thanks to all those Marilyn Manson fans, we just aren't taken seriously any more.
10) After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
9) After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
8) No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
7) With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits.
6) No warm blood for miles around DC.
5) Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.
4) Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards
3) Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."
2) Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.

And the number 1 complaint of Modern-day Vampires:


1) No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.

[Dashing Dasher]

Your old man eyes can't take it?