It's normal, they are just like you and I ...
Posted on 10/07/2005 9:12:18 PM PDT by indcons
LESBIAN mom Kim Marshall wants doctors to turn her adopted baby boy into a baby girl with a full-blown sex change -- now!
And if somebody, somewhere, doesn't bring pressure to bear on the woman's plans, toddling 2-year-old Tommy Marshall will soon be toddling "Tammy."
"Looking back on it, I never should have adopted a boy, but he was all that was available and I took what I could get because I was desperate," says Marshall, whose significant other, Rosemary Johnson, says she "hasn't been real happy with a boy," either.
"It's not that Tommy isn't a sweet kid -- he's so kind and gentle that when we put him in his little sun dress, people actually think he's a girl.
"But the more I got to thinking about it, the more I could see trouble on the horizon.
"Little boys don't stay little boys forever. They grow up to be men. And if there's one thing I don't need in my life, it's a man," she fumes. "That's why I'm a lesbian. Duh."
It goes without saying that anti-gay groups such as the Christian Militia Against Forni- cation in Marshall's hometown of Atlanta, Ga., are none too pleased with the woman's plan to change the sex of her adopted baby.
"We've warned against allowing gays to adopt babies for years, and this is why," says Duff Carter, a founding member of the militia. "We all know why she wants a little girl anyway -- and that's to teach her to be a lesbian, too.
"We'll do everything in our power to stop this sex change. We've already raised $1,700 to pay our lawyers."
Sex-change surgeon Dr. Linda Chervil, who, it is rumored, may be a flaming lesbian herself, says she has no intentions of getting involved in the politics of the operation that's scheduled for April 15.
"I'm a physician, not a lawyer or a social critic," she told Weekly World News exclusively. "All I can tell you is that I have a patient who is in desperate need of a sex change, and I fully intend to put him under the knife."
The youngest child ever to undergo sex-change surgery was Nicholas Gray of London, England. Born a hermaphrodite with both male and female sex organs in 1999, his gay father decided to do away with the female plumbing when he was just 6 months old.
Back in Atlanta, a spokesman for the agency that helped Marshall adopt the baby boy professes to be "appalled" by the turn of events.
"I have nothing against gay people, but I've got to tell you, publicity like this doesn't help their cause," says Marcus Hughes.
"The last thing the great majority of Americans wants to hear is that gay parents are dickering around with their children's sex. It's like their worst nightmare come true."
Man, that's harsh (not untrue, but harsh) - WWN is the most entertainment you can get for a buck. I love them a lot!
Well....they do have some crazy stories that reflect real stories at times.
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR PROSTITUTE IS AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL!
Here, from government experts, are 10 warning signs that the prostitute you've picked up is a sinister space babe:
1. Looks too good to be true -- If that curvy cutie working the street corner is a dead ringer for Catherine Zeta-Jones, odds are the gorgeous star isn't moonlighting. A shape-shifting ET has probably adopted the form of your dream girl.
2. Out-of-date lingo -- Alien prostitutes try to fit in by using streetwalker slang -- but often use outdated terms. A hooker who sees a police car and whispers, "Cheese it, the fuzz!" likely hails from deep space.
3. Evasive about identity and origins -- Few gals in "the life" are forthcoming about their full names. But a scarlet woman who refuses even to divulge where she comes from -- vaguely describing her birthplace as "the Midwest" or "overseas" -- could be an ET.
4. Odd, hard-to-place accent. "They have trouble pronouncing the letter 'R,' " Manling reveals.
5. Unusually petite -- The average alien hooker stands roughly 5 feet tall, but may attempt to disguise her size with ridiculously high heels.
6. Sex was "unbelievable." If the encounter was "everything you've always fantasized about," chances are the memory was implanted by ETs.
7. Missing time -- If you paid for an hour with a hooker, but your watch indicates four hours have gone by, this suggests part of your memory of the encounter has been erased.
8. Seems telepathic -- A fallen woman who finishes your sentences or slips up and mentions your real name when you've given her a bogus one, is probably invading your thoughts -- and our planet.
9. Over-perfumed -- Hookers from outer space often try to mask their peculiar ET body odor.
10. Squeamish about spanking -- Terrestrial prostitutes are willing to perform virtually every sexual act if the money is right. But ETs don't like having their butts touched.
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/aliens/61245
I have it on good authority that it was in fact a UFO that crashed into the NO levee, thus causing water to flood the city.
/sarcasm off
Is Batboy still breast feeding?
I know it's the Weekly World News, but couldn't they make up better crap than this?
Maybe the Militia has a marching song, like, "2, 4, 6, 8..We ain't gonna for-ni-cate.
I want to write for them too. There is so much liberal nonsense that can be skewered there. My favorite is the Ed Anger column.
Psst. Would you like to buy a bridge? How about an authentic Rolex watch?
I bought the bridge from PT Barnum. I don't have a need for two of them right now. LOL.
Great work with the word play....thanks.
Glad you caught it, Rastus. I was shocked to see the response to this faux-story. That said, I don't think this story is all that improbable. Sadly, it might even come true in the next few years.
Dickering around?? My goodness, please don't tell me they really took this seriously.
The Weekly World News is great fun. I always check to see what the the cover story is at the grocery.
Mr. Mojo, this is a false news story from Weekly World News.
Check this one out!!
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/technology/60808
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