PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!

Weekly World News, via Yahoo ^ | Monday September 12 - 2005 | MIKE FOSTER

[vannrox]

PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!
Monday September 12, 2005

By MIKE FOSTER

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!

Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.

"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.

"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."

Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.

"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.

"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.

"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.

"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.

"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."

To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.

"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.

Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.

"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."

But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.

"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.

Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.

"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.

But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.

"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.

"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.

"The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in."

[Conan the Librarian]

I was thinking more of the Space Amoeba...but that works too.

[From many - one.]

....replacing global warming with global warning.

[Leroy S. Mort]

This explains why the deficit isn't important anymore. Whew. It's all part of a cunning plan.

[WKUHilltopper]

If Hillary becomes President, I hope we do dissolve!

[tx_eggman]

Screw the cost. I'm buying Chivas.

Chivas ... you've got to be kidding!

[dawn53]

Is this supposed to happen before or after the pandemic flu that kills off huge numbers of the world's population?

If it's before, doesn't seem like we should spend too much money or time developing or stockpiling a vaccine. If it's after by a few years...ditto. Inquiring minds need to know. (end/sarcasm)

[Inyo-Mono]

Will Mayor Nagin have the buses dried and ready to go by then?

LOL! Exactly my thoughts.

[Constitution Day]

Very, very nice.

[avg_freeper]

""We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project. "

Muffley:

But look here doctor, wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief stricken and anguished that they'd, well, envy the dead and not want to go on living?

Strangelove:

No sir... Right arm rolls his wheelchair backwards. Excuse me. Struggles with wayward right arm, ultimately subduing it with a beating from his left.

Also when... when they go down into the mine everyone would still be alive. There would be no shocking memories, and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind, combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead! Ahhhh! Right are reflexes into Nazi salute. He pulls it back into his lap and beats it again. Gloved hand attempts to strangle him.

Turgidson:

Doctor, you mentioned the ration of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?

Strangelove:

Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.

DeSadeski:

I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.

[-YYZ-]

LOL! I can just imagine those words coming out of that guy's mouth.

[roaddog727]

"Also,we could add the headlines "Poor, women and minorities hardest hit!"

I neglect to add them as separate entities, lumping them into the disaffected "third world", but could certainly single them out as them most hard hit of the disaffected.

So:

Apparently this whole situation was all thought up by Karl-of-the-Rove To get president Bush to declare a state of world emergency, forcing the UN to contract Halliburton to save the world at a cost of Bazillions of dollars thereby lining the pockets of all of us Evil republicans further leading to additional capitalist repression of the third world (as well as the remainder of the 2nd and industrialized nations). Clearly in this dastardly scheme cooked up by Karl-of-the-Rove, the key populations among the third, second, and 1st world targeted are the poor, women and minorities. We can certainly hear Karl chuckling, nay, snickering into his Snidely-whiplash cloak, in unmitigated glee......

Better??

[ericthecurdog]

[absolootezer0]

i thought that was supposed to be an H-bomb?

[COUNTrecount]

We can certainly hear Karl chuckling, nay, snickering into his Snidely-whiplash cloak, in unmitigated glee......

Much better !

[BadAndy]

"PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!"

It can't get here soon enough.

[eyespysomething]

WalMart heck.

End of the world? I'm going for diamonds and cars!

[Vintage1]

Dear Earth: All your mangled matter are belong to us.

Love - the Cloud

[DoughtyOne]

Galactic Warming! The end is near...

Bush, you S.O.B.! LOL