Your Prezedentual Mooseeum looks like a double-wide.
Posted on 08/27/2005 5:42:44 PM PDT by misterrob
Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
You have a relative living in your garage.
There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
None of the tires on your van are the same size.
Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
Starting your car involves popping the hood.
Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
If you've got a matching set of salad bowls that all say "Cool Whip" on them.
You've unstopped a sink with a shotgun.
Your will states your wife can't touch your money 'till she's fourteen.
Your coffee table is also a cooler.
Your mailing address includes the word "Holler".
The best sofa you ever had came out of a Chevrolet.
If you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
You might be a redneck if...
You wear a strapless dress with a braw that is not.
Your girlfriend hits the floor when someone yells, "Ho-down!"
You have a car engine hanging from any tree in your yard.
You mow your lawn and find your car.
You go to family reunions to meet women.
Your front porch roof collapses and more than 5 dogs are killed.
If you mow your lawn and find a car . . .
Your Prezedentual Mooseeum looks like a double-wide.
ping
Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
Well?
Over here cowboy.
No chickens, no pre-nup.
Y'all will have to fight over it all when I'm gone!
OK, this is not a redneck joke, but I just got this one in an email today:
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke.....
An Irishman, a Mexican, and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned Beef and Cabbage! If I get Corned Beef and Cabbage one more time for lunch,
I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a Bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw Corned Beef and Cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the Bologna, and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Corned Beef and Cabbage,
I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him Tacos or Enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."
(Oh this is GOOD!!)
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
But, can you rebuild a carbuerator while....?
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
Congressman Billybob
West Virgina redneck yuppies have a BMW on blocks in the front yard.
I'll have to try that 12GA sink unstopper sometime
You might be a redneck if...
Getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves boots and a flashlight.
bump
only in floriduh!
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
...HUH?...is this...wrong?
great ones
If your mother has ever said "y'all come take a look at this b'fore I flush it...
If you have an engine swinging from a tree in your yard...
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