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Durbin is Right (The Full, Awful Truth About Gitmo)[HUMOR]
Anonymous source | June 17, 2005 | wizardoz

Posted on 06/17/2005 5:20:30 PM PDT by wizardoz

The time has come to face the ugly truth: Dick Durban is right; the things our military is doing in Guantanemo Bay to prisoners is tantamount to torture.

Here is the side of Guantanemo you won't hear from the mainstream media. Only those of us who have a friend whose neighbor's son's ex-girlfriend's brother is actually there hear the stomach-churning stories of questioning tactics that are routinely visited on the detainees at Gitmo. Read ahead if you dare, but I warn you, it's not for the weak-hearted.

My contacts inside tell me that the prisoners are forced to sit on hard wooden chairs for hours with no cushions. Think about that. That’s like sitting in a baseball stadium all afternoon… but no game is playing. There's no beer. They don't even get peanuts. Even first year law school students listening to tort lectures aren’t subjected to that more than three days a week. But in Gitmo, it can happen four, even five days a week. Yes, really.

And that’s not all. Prisoners are forced to stand for hours and hours on end in extreme temperatures as if they are waiting outside a box office for U2 tickets. But there’s no U2 ticket at the end of this torture. No. Instead they hear rap music, or worse. Christina Aguilera. Perhaps the average American (who doesn’t have a teenager) doesn’t know this, but Christina Aguilera can cause bleeding from the ears. But this is what is being done in our name every day down in Gitmo.

And the orange-glazed chicken you’ve heard so much about? I’ll let you in on a little secret: it’s dry.

”I could barely wash it down,” complained Ahmar al Killemall. “My twelve-year old bride could make a better orange-glazed chicken than that. And this salad was made with iceberg lettuce,” he adds. “What, the U.S. can’t afford romaine? Come on.”

And then there’s the sleep-deprivation torture. These detainees are kept up for hours at night with blaring noises, until they are as bleary and nauseous as a new parent with a baby in the house. This can go on for weeks. Like a new parent with a baby in the house. They sometimes grow so exhausted that they fall asleep on their feet! Like a new parent, with a baby in the house.

The list of atrocities goes on and on. The detainees’ cells are as small as a college dorm room, and in many of them… I’m sorry to say it… but there isn’t even a view of the water. Not even a view, for God’s sake! It's an island, they can't arrange a room with a view?

They don’t have cable tv, either. Do you know who Donald Trump’s new apprentice is? Well, don’t ask a prisoner at Gitmo, because they don’t know either. They don’t know who won American Idol. They've never seen Six Feet Under. They don’t even know about Tom and Katie! Do you understand the implications of that? By the time they hear about the wedding, the divorce will be final and they won’t even be able to get in on the betting pool.

How can we do this to other human beings?

I also have it on good authority that their religion is routinely, subtly insulted in various ways. The prayer mats they kneel on clash with their uniforms, for example. And the Koran is often given dirty looks by our soldiers. The beards cultivated by the faithful are sometimes mocked. One soldier was heard to refer to three detainees as “ZZ Top,” and another even said to a detainee’s face, “Yo, what up, Gandalf?” Words hurt, people! They hurt!

Is this the sort of face we should show to the world? Is this what we want done in our name? Is this what America stands for?


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: amnesty; comedy; detainees; dontzot; funny; gitmo; guantanemobay; hahaha; joke; notazot; orangeglazedchicken; parody; readbeforezot; readingisforwimps; readingisgood; satire; supposedtobeajoke; terrorists; torture; whobotherstoread; zotnot
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To: wizardoz
Perhaps the average American (who doesn’t have a teenager) doesn’t know this, but Christina Aguilera can cause bleeding from the ears.

With Christina Aguilera, I'd be more worried about bodily fluid discharges from other parts of your anatomy.

21 posted on 06/17/2005 5:27:14 PM PDT by CFC__VRWC ("Anytime a liberal squeals in outrage, an angel gets its wings!" - gidget7)
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To: wizardoz; cyborg; onyx; martin_fierro; GipperGal; fortunecookie
The chicken! It's . . . DRY!


22 posted on 06/17/2005 5:27:16 PM PDT by Petronski (Be alert! The world needs more lerts.)
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To: wizardoz

23 posted on 06/17/2005 5:27:25 PM PDT by tiredoflaundry (I hate Hurricane Season!)
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To: Sonny M
>>>Its a joke, and a pretty funny one.

I don't think it's funny at all.

Funny is IowaHawk's latest :http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1425163/posts
24 posted on 06/17/2005 5:27:29 PM PDT by Keith in Iowa (Life's a beach - and Liberals are like the sand that gets in your swimsuit...)
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Comment #25 Removed by Moderator

To: wizardoz

You can choke on dry chicken. We're fricken animals I tell ya!


26 posted on 06/17/2005 5:27:42 PM PDT by Righty_McRight
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To: wizardoz

ROTFLMAO!!!


27 posted on 06/17/2005 5:28:18 PM PDT by Michael Goldsberry (an enemy of islam -- Joe Boucher; Leapfrog; Dr.Zoidberg; Lazamataz; ...)
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To: wizardoz

"One soldier was heard to refer to three detainees as “ZZ Top,” and another even said to a detainee’s face, “Yo, what up, Gandalf?” Words hurt, people! They hurt!"

You got me! Hey, you got any tickets for Camp Gitmo?


28 posted on 06/17/2005 5:28:55 PM PDT by Arthur Wildfire! March (SICK DICK VERMIN DURBIN THE TURBAN)
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To: Petronski

That's just plain cruel.

Are they at least getting croutons???


29 posted on 06/17/2005 5:29:25 PM PDT by flashbunny
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To: wizardoz; TheBigB

They were savagely forced to use the same fork for the salad course AND the entree!


30 posted on 06/17/2005 5:29:38 PM PDT by Petronski (Be alert! The world needs more lerts.)
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To: wizardoz
You should have noted in the title that it's satire.

You're going to get a few "shoot first, read later" comments.

31 posted on 06/17/2005 5:29:47 PM PDT by airborne (Dear Lord, please be with my family in Iraq. Keep them close to You and safely in Your arms.)
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To: USAfearsnobody; Dog

Some are a little jumpy around here with all of the trolls etc. lately. ;-)


32 posted on 06/17/2005 5:29:51 PM PDT by PilloryHillary
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To: wizardoz
Thanks......excellent!

Too bad some freepers speak before they read.

33 posted on 06/17/2005 5:29:58 PM PDT by OldFriend (AMERICAN WARS SET MEN FREE)
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To: flashbunny
Are they at least getting croutons???

"Food service" croutons! From a bag!

34 posted on 06/17/2005 5:30:17 PM PDT by Petronski (Be alert! The world needs more lerts.)
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To: wizardoz

I think it's hilarious. Nice work!!!


35 posted on 06/17/2005 5:30:27 PM PDT by SerpentDove (Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?)
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To: mhking

"There's no beer. They don't even get peanuts."

Now that's no good!


36 posted on 06/17/2005 5:31:26 PM PDT by Arthur Wildfire! March (SICK DICK VERMIN DURBIN THE TURBAN)
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To: diverteach

Read it again. It's a joke.


37 posted on 06/17/2005 5:31:31 PM PDT by SerpentDove (Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?)
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Comment #38 Removed by Moderator

To: wizardoz

This is really good satire. Some of the best that we get here on FR. The verbage really flowed.


39 posted on 06/17/2005 5:32:22 PM PDT by AmishDude (Join the AmishDude fan club: "Bravo" -- EODTIM69; "Very good!" -- pepperdog)
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To: wizardoz

ROFL!

Very good!

Here's another atrocity ... Wednesday movie night, guess what movie they subjected the prisoners to?

That's right: GIGLI.

Are there no limits to the torment they will subject these prisoners to?


40 posted on 06/17/2005 5:32:39 PM PDT by WOSG (Liberating Iraq - http://freedomstruth.blogspot.com)
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