Posted on 05/12/2005 7:09:24 AM PDT by genefromjersey
REVELATIONS - PART 5 (A Whole Lot of Shakin' Goin' On !!)
Last week,Hawk-the Nutty Professor's stepson-was thrown off a cliff into an ice cold lake;then fished out,revived,and (Ready for this ?) UN-BAPTISED !
This week,poor Hawk is being prepared for....I dunno: his First Unholy Communion ?His kidnappers hand him a bunny rabbit,and tell him to kill it. He does...but you can almost see him thinking: "Next thing you know,they'll be asking me to walk through fire,or something equally juvenile. I've heard of fraternity initiations,but this one is the pits !"
MEANWHILE: The Nutty Professor and the Flying Nun have flown (naturally !) to Prague,in search of a mysterious book-written by an equally mysterious Scholar of the Arcane. It is believed this book may hold some vital clue as to what in hell this plot is all about-but I wouldn't count on it !
UNACCOUNTABLY: The scene shifts to the Vatican,where that sneaky-looking Cardinal :Nastifat Cardinal Di Poofter,is expressing concern that things are likely to get out of hand. (Now he worries ?) There is no time to ponder his words,because:
SUDDENLY: We are in Pennsylvania,at the convent where the Brain-Dead-But-Not-Quite-Dead-Girl is being safeguarded.The Nutty Professor's Intern has come to the rescue...and he does manage to fax some of the Brain Dead Girl's drawings to the Professor-before he,himself is in urgent need of rescue.
The convent has been surrounded by a "Bad Guys Swat Team" - who,in spite of the very white snow on the ground,are wearing green and brown summer camoflague uniforms-(supplied by the Producer's ne'er-do-well Nephew,no doubt !)
The Bad Guys swarm the convent,and seize BDG - the Brain Dead Girl. (The Professor's Intern gets shot here-but is promised future roles,and Guest Shots on Jay Leno,so it's kind of okay, I guess.)
I'm not clear on the physiology or theology of this one, but I think Nash T. Bassard,the imprisoned Satanic field rep,wanted her "still-beating heart."
HOO BOY ! The crafty Mother Superior ( Remind me: Never get on the bad side of this woman !) foils their evil scheme by administering a lethal injection to BDG.
BACK IN PRAGUE: The Nutty Professor and the Flying Nun - (who are always being watched by a pair of ...witches,I guess.Sometimes they look like brunette versions of Ann Coulter;other times they look like black cats.Their eyes always glow-just long enough for the dimmest witted viewer to say : "Hmm......Did I remember to change the kitty litter ?") - manage to grab the Mysterious Book,just before the crypt in which it is hidden bursts into flame and explodes.
(Warning:Please don't try reading this run-on sentence out loud !)
BACK IN OUR LIVING ROOM: My wife and I look at each other and wonder aloud: "How come the Minions of Satan are able to blow up the crypt,but have to hire a swat team to storm the convent ?" We conclude,maybe the answer to that riddle is in the Mysterious Book.
WHOA ! The Nutty Professor-using the drawings that had been faxed to him by his (late) Intern-suddenly solves the riddle of the Mysterious Book. It's really a puzzle box ,and,inside the box is a dagger for killing Satanic Minions-and-with the Ginsu Knife,they also get a text in Braille ! The Flying Nun clasps hands prayerfully,and rolls her eyes heavenward...again.
OH-OH !! Back in the prison,Nash T. Bassard,stirs up a prison riot,kills off most of the guards and inmates and escapes ! Naturally,every TV station in the world obediently carries his videotaped message,which calls upon all prisoners to rise up and "Join the Army of Magog".
AND: Poor Hawk,the Nutty Professor's stepson, is told to walk through fire as part of his initiation.He discovers fire is hot ! (Who woulda thunk it ?)
OH,MY ! There is still one more episode to go !
Once in a while, as I channel surf, I stop and catch a few minutes of this series and it never fails to give me the creeps for some reason.
The Revelation of St Mo The Stooge...?
Let me tell you how this ends....NBC explodes...
I so gave up on this show.....so disappointing.
Great cast, cool idea....and it still sucks.
BTW: Thanks to your synopsis I can coherently understand the 'plot' and not waste an hour. Thanks.
I watched the first 15 minutes the first week..couldn't take anymore...did the hero and the nun ever do the nasty..I thought that's where it was heading..
No, they didn't. Say 5 Our Fathers for even thinking about it. ;-)
SD
Then why was the nun cast like a runway model?
SD
When I was in St Joseph's Catholic School, I had two teaching nuns that I thought were hot (3rd and 7th grade). Even got to see the 3rd grade teacher later in "civilian clothes" once (I was 13-she was hot for 30 something...LOL).
Not all nuns are ugly
That said, this is a Hollywood production as you say...only the beautiful people need apply.
I like the series so far. I'm an oppressed minority, where's my check?
It's better than most of the dreck on TV. I like the whole supernatural mystery element.
SD
Yep, I'll probably get the DVD (if it's released) so I can watch it from beginning to end without commercials and week long gaps.
It'll help with continuity and they may stick in deleted scenes to flesh things out.
BTW: Where else are 21st century Americans going to see bible verses on network TV? I have my bible open to read the verses when they are shown so I can get the full context. Pretty neat.
This movie gets dumber and dumber. Since I've watched it this far, I will tape next week's show..
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