What do yall think of these?
For example:
A dead 'possum
Mercedesed marsupial
I know what's for lunch!
is a southern haiku because the first line only has five syllables if "dead" is pronounced in the Southern fashion: "dey-ad."
What follows is an un-censored archive of the best Southern haiku known to man.
Possums in the trash
Bad to jump and hiss and grin
Pappy, get the gun!
We's a birthin'
n' a-fornicatin' and
a-dyin', all. Yep.
Hey bro, I like that.
Happy friday goof off day
weekends almost here
Family Reunion
Relatives from all over
Play spin the bottle
In the submission below, "grits and "ham" should be read as "gree-its" and "hey-um", respectively
Grits and corn bread
Country ham, scrambled eggs:
Breakfast is ready!
Messa missin' teeth.
Od truck on blocks in th' yard.
Mah kinda woman!
Pig lips on the grill
And watchin' real good auto racin'
If'n only I had cable
Dye-um Yankee trash
Movin' here 'n' git pushy
Kin y'all say sheee-it?
Just some fun ones that I came up with in a whim
Momma nearly DIED
When she larn'd the hogs had et
Willie t'other day...
Likker flowin' on
Rifles, pistols, shotguns, truck
Raisin' hail tonight
Click shotgun chamber
Wedded bliss upon us now
No bastard child here!
Five cases of beer
Snatch strap, come along, Jack D
Jeeter stuck in woods
Spotlight scans woods far
Crack of rifle on dark night
Styrofoam buck dies!
Head feels like pig sty
blue tinge to gums, fire in eyes
Radiator still
Tar arn side o' haid
ball bat stomach whoof grit blow
thems two tough papists
Tranny is gut shot
Fluid pipe pukes out sawdust
S**T brother in law!
These Haiku's are listed with a subject Title
BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps
REMORSE
A painful sadness
Can't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door
Big ol' tornado
I done lost my dad-gum house
All that's left are wheels
Looking for main road?
Boy, you can't get there from here
Have to start elsewhere.
OPTIONS
Unemployment's out.
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability
Deer, cow, horse or dog?
Woods too thick, I cannot tell
What the Hell, I'll shoot
BLAZE
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again
Recall Earl's last words
"Hold my beer and watch this, Bud"
Trucks not meant to fly
A NEW MOON
Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we'll gig some frogs
EXUBERANCE
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil
Mosquitoes softball-sized
Food for the bats
And good show with zapper
ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order
DESIRE
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
you are my cousin
OFFERINGS
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert
DRAMA
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
At 9 O'Clock
DEPRIVED
In WalMart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants 'rassling doll
Mama whups his ass
NO SIGNAL
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
needs new descrambler
IMPOUNDED
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino
GATHERING
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man
PRIDE
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans
Filling pickup bed
Wheelless, lifeless, lawned,
Chevy up on cinder blocks--
Monument or task?