Posted on 02/02/2005 6:11:22 AM PST by Gopher Broke
Brain Cramps
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !)
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S Fowler, FCC Chairman
Joe Einstein Theisman is about to be on Tony Snow's show.
Isn't he the one who started the Theisman Trophy for the best player in college football year.
With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.
--Albert Einstein
(sarcasm) And mankind should not fly because we are not born with wings... (sarcasm end) Just your standard 'useful idiot' logic from Miss Alabama.
"I knew it was Saturday because it was the day after Friday." -- Melanie Griffith's line in the movie Shining Through
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy" -- Tom Waits
Thought you would be interested.
Read it again and you'll find Miss Alabama's reasoning is absolutely flawless. Meaningless but flawless.
No thank you, once was painful enough.
I don't really feel like browsing this whole list, but it's a good place to start for anyone interested in doing double-checking.
"I don't eat meat cause like I'm like a veterinarian"--HBO commercial c.1994
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