ZOT: How to Tell a Democrat from a Republican During the Holiday Season

stanford.edu ^ | John Carlson

[ding a ling hear them ring]

Republican say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.

Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning

When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for egg nog.

When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.

Democrats do a lot of their shopping at Cost-Co and WalMart.
So do Republicans, but they don't admit it.

Democrats give their children gifts that make a political statement.
Republicans give their children gifts that will keep them out of their hair.

Republican parents have no problem buying their kids toy guns.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.

Republicans spend hundreds of dollars and hour of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.
Democrats save their time and money and drive around at night to enjoy the scenery.

Democrats favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
Right-Wing Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "Diehard".

Republicans always take the price tag off any expensive gifts they buy before wrapping.
Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and reposition them them to make sure they are seen.

Republicans wear wide red ties and green sport jackets during the festive season.
Democrats do too, all year round.

Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas Cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.

Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Deck the Halls".
Young Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
Republicans favorite Christmas song is " White Christmas."
Young Republicans favorite Christmas song is "White Christmas".

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tightfisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.

Democratic men like to watch football while their wives, girlfriends or mothers fix holiday meals.
On this, Republicans are in full agreement.

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play "Cowboys and Indians".
Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians get to win.

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus...
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus...

[ODDITHER]

My changes:

Republicans give fruitcakes for Christmas, Democrats elect them to office.

Republicans get their daughters the book "Rules" for Christmas, the Democrats get their daughters condoms.

Republicans introduce their queer relatives lovers as "friends", Democrats use them as tree ornaments.

Republicans say Merry Christmas while Democrats say Happy Solstice.

Republicans by SUVS and put big red ribbons on them and park them in the drive way, Democrats buy SUVS and hide them in the garage.

Republicans give their own money to Salvation Army, Democrats give taxpayers money to buy shopping carts.

Republicans allow children to sing Christmas songs at school, Democrats hire the ACLU to sing.

Republicans watch Choirs sing beautiful Christmas songs,
Democrats watch NPR and tell their children about how hard it is to be Jewish or Islamic or aethistic on Christmas.

[Salvation]

Funny post and some of them poignantly true! LOL!

[smith288]

Leglamps!

[adam_az]

Republican say "Merry Christmas!"

Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"

AFTER ALL, ONLY A CHRISTIAN CAN BE A REPUBLICAN..... RIGHT?

[Salvation]

**Republicans favorite Christmas song is " White Christmas."
Young Republicans favorite Christmas song is "White Christmas". **

I think I would change the song here to "O, Come All Ye Faithful"!

And vote!

[1Old Pro]

It's not really very funny, and one reason for that is that it's not really very accurate.

I agree 110%.

[E Rocc]

HIIIIDEE-HO!

-Eric

[Petronski]

[Diddle E. Squat]

Must be from Italy...

[JamesWilson]

Right-Wing Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "Diehard".

I love that movie!

[anoldafvet]

Nope, he's been banned.

[boxerblues]

lmao had to think about that one ....fra gil le

[Polybius]

Democrats turn off their brain when firing off their tongue.

Republicans use the "F-Word" in front of their mother only once in their entire life.

[FreedomFarmer]

"Have you got a leg in there?"

"No/Yes..Yes/No..No..Yes/No..No"

"Right!"
"Search the thicket!"

[Sally'sConcerns]

Merry Christmas ding a ling! Happy New Year too!

[Blueflag]

P.J O'Rourke does not know the God I know. A sincere study into the nature of God would reveal a loving, just, unwavering "Father" to this children.

Furthermore, the path to heaven is extraordinarily easy to secure as it is a gift of Grace from a loving God. John 3:16.

Sad that P.J. does not yet see the real God.

[steplock]

The ACLU X-mas

[Arrowhead1952]

Democrats turn off their brain when firing off their tongue.

Republicans use the "F-Word" in front of their mother only once in their entire life, and then have to go to the doctor to get their jaw wired back together.

[Blueflag]

this = His

we regret the error.

[demlosers]

"ding a ling hear them ring" account has been banned.