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Maine Dems Explain They Can Either Do 'No Rape' Or 'No Incest' But Not Both
Babylon Bee ^ | 08/01/2026 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/01/2026 11:52:23 AM PDT by DFG

AUGUSTA, ME — The Democratic Party of Maine explained to voters that they can do "no rape" or "no incest", but not both.

After carefully reviewing the slate of possible Democratic Senate candidates in Maine, party leaders informed voters that they'll simply have to settle for one or the other.

"What do these people expect from us when they say we can't run a rapist?" said party leader Mike Prather. "Once you take all of the rapists out of the equation, it's just a bunch of liberals sleeping with their cousins. Those are your options, Maine. Honestly, we're getting pretty frustrated with these voters and their ridiculous expectations. Deal with it, people."

Despite the party's statement, some voters have remained hopeful that at least one Democrat could be found that had not committed rape or incest. "Surely, there's one liberal in this state who hasn't slept with his cousin or committed sexual assault," said local woman Denise Gaines. "I just have to believe we have at least one non-rape, non-incest option. I'm not giving up yet."

At publishing time, the state Democratic Party of Maine had announced the discovery of a "no rape or incest" candidate, but with the caveat that he died in 1902.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: incest; maine; rape; troyjackson
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1 posted on 08/01/2026 11:52:23 AM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

Sadly, the ‘Rats already stand for “Any Twosome” the next step is polygamy.


2 posted on 08/01/2026 11:54:40 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is opinion or satire. Or both.)
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To: DFG

😃


3 posted on 08/01/2026 11:55:22 AM PDT by SmokingJoe
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To: DFG

So this is why Susan Collins has been so quiet. She is following Rule #4: When your opponent is committing suicide, stand back and do nothing.


4 posted on 08/01/2026 11:56:38 AM PDT by Wally_Kalbacken
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To: Wally_Kalbacken

Susan Collins looks like Julius Caesar next to them.


5 posted on 08/01/2026 12:11:38 PM PDT by nwrep
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To: BenLurkin

Can we then treat them as bad as the Mormons were historically treated?


6 posted on 08/01/2026 12:14:02 PM PDT by Fledermaus (Sen. John Thune is a bigger enemy to the GOP than any Democrat.)
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To: DFG

In before the “so what? it’s legal” and “they’re ONLY second cousins” FReakers start their schtick.


7 posted on 08/01/2026 12:26:46 PM PDT by DoodleBob (Gravity's waiting period is about 9.8 m/s²)
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To: DFG

Gives a whole new meaning to the city name Bangor.


8 posted on 08/01/2026 12:41:30 PM PDT by chajin ("There is no other name under heaven given among people by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12)
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To: Fledermaus

Can we then treat them as bad as the Mormons were historically treated?


The Mormons were treated harshly, no doubt. And they brought some of the mistreatment upon themselves. The were ‘picked on’ and disliked by their non-Mormon neighbors. So they left the United States forever, only to find their new home a part of the U.S.

But I find it interesting that despite easily having a large enough population to become a state, Utah was not admitted until their President, Prophet, Seer, and Revelator publicly renounced polygamy.

In the 1890s the American political mainstream was confident enough in our culture to refuse to allow such a foreign concept of morals and religion to become a part of America until it agreed to our norms. Such a stance now is considered ‘dangerously right wing’.


9 posted on 08/01/2026 12:49:20 PM PDT by hanamizu
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To: Fledermaus

“Can we then treat them as bad as the Mormons were historically treated?”
____________________________________________________________

Only when they go to war against the United States like the Mormons did.


10 posted on 08/01/2026 2:04:31 PM PDT by Bob Wills is still the king
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To: DFG

Mainers are some salt-water breathing commie sickos.


11 posted on 08/01/2026 2:05:02 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (Gen Zers are the same mental midgets who ate Tide pods as toddlers.)
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To: DFG
They would've been better off sticking with Platner. He would've peeled off a few on the right who loath Susan Collins while being cool with the raping and the Nazi tattoos.

(Don't flame me. They're out there and we all know it.)

12 posted on 08/01/2026 2:10:55 PM PDT by Drew68
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To: hanamizu

Yes, Utah became part of the US just a couple of years after the Mormons settled there. But some Mormons fought for the US during the Mexican War (to raise money for the migration to Utah).


13 posted on 08/01/2026 2:10:55 PM PDT by Verginius Rufus
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