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Federal Judge Orders Astronauts Be Returned To Space Station
Babylon Bee ^ | 03/17/2025 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/17/2025 10:27:25 AM PDT by DFG

A district judge has issued a ruling saying Trump lacked the Constitutional authority to pick up two astronauts who have been stranded at the International Space Station for several months.

SpaceX has been ordered to return the astronauts immediately.

"I will not stand by while Donald Trump abuses his power like a dictator," said Judge Earl Flanders in his ruling. "Trump has no authority to pick up these astronauts, and I can say that because I'm a federal judge, and no one is allowed to argue with me, and everyone has to do what I say."

Eyewitnesses say the judge then donned a Keffiyeh and spray painted a Cybertruck while screaming "Black Lives Matter."

Sources in Washington say Trump plans to brazenly ignore the lawful order and bring the astronauts home anyway. "This is just the kind of wanton lawlessness we should expect from a dictator who is literally Hitler," said one legal analyst.

The SpaceX craft docked at the ISS on Sunday and was preparing for the return journey to Earth when the orders stopped the process short. "Please bring us home, I just want a cheeseburger and a nap in a horizontal bed," said one of the crew.

At publishing time, Trump was polling at 100% approval among the stranded astronaut demographic.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire
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first 1-2021-37 next last

1 posted on 03/17/2025 10:27:25 AM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

;)


2 posted on 03/17/2025 10:28:39 AM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: DFG

LOL!


3 posted on 03/17/2025 10:28:46 AM PDT by woodbutcher1963
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To: DFG

Funny because there’s so much truth to it.


4 posted on 03/17/2025 10:30:05 AM PDT by packagingguy
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To: DFG

I believe it!


5 posted on 03/17/2025 10:30:34 AM PDT by parmamenian (an)
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To: DFG

Some of us have been demanding the Babylon Bee cover this story—and they have done it.

Yes!


6 posted on 03/17/2025 10:31:39 AM PDT by cgbg (It was not us. It was them--all along.)
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To: DFG

Hahaha. The Bee is too funny (and too close to the truth.)


7 posted on 03/17/2025 10:32:29 AM PDT by KittyKares
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To: DFG; Organic Panic

Organic Panic posted this first.

https://freerepublic.com/focus/news/4304571/posts?page=6#6

I responded:

Brilliant.

Bee will probably take it.


8 posted on 03/17/2025 10:32:38 AM PDT by ifinnegan (Democrats kill babies and harvest their organs to sell)
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To: DFG

Darn! You beat me to it fair and square!


9 posted on 03/17/2025 10:36:04 AM PDT by Navy Patriot (President Trump Decisively Won Popular & E.C., Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: DFG

I’m not sure this is parody.

The Democrats would absolutely do this.


10 posted on 03/17/2025 10:36:08 AM PDT by TheThirdRuffian (Orange is the new brown)
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To: DFG

11 posted on 03/17/2025 10:40:12 AM PDT by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegals are put up in 5 Star hotels....................)
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To: DFG

Dont give em any ideas they just might do that..
Judge: Wait, did I just hear that woman astronaut say that she thanks Elon and Trump, not on my watch, she’s going back to space


12 posted on 03/17/2025 10:42:02 AM PDT by Sarah Barracuda
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To: DFG

Barely satire


13 posted on 03/17/2025 10:42:18 AM PDT by ChildOfThe60s (If you can remember the 60s, you weren't really there)
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To: DFG

Additionally, the judge order Trump to put the toothpaste back into his tube.


14 posted on 03/17/2025 10:43:43 AM PDT by Raycpa
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To: DFG

To avoid reader confusion the Babylon Bee reference should be put in extra-large, flashing, bold font since the headline and excerpt are almost identical to actual reports of TROs and rulings that anti-Trump, radical leftist judges have been pulling out of their keisters.


15 posted on 03/17/2025 10:47:01 AM PDT by Carl Vehse (Make Austin Texas Again!)
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To: DFG

Good one!


16 posted on 03/17/2025 10:47:43 AM PDT by Enterprise ( These people have no honor, no belief, no poetry, no art, no humor, no patriotism.)
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To: DFG

Bad news for the stranded one who went bonkers.


17 posted on 03/17/2025 10:50:23 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is opinion or satire. Or both.)
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To: DFG

Several months? They’ve been up there for nine months for heaven sakes.


18 posted on 03/17/2025 10:50:53 AM PDT by Hattie
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To: Hattie

“Several months? They’ve been up there for nine months for heaven sakes.”

I think you’re missing the point of the SATIRE my friend


19 posted on 03/17/2025 10:53:45 AM PDT by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave!)
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To: DFG

Epic!


20 posted on 03/17/2025 10:54:37 AM PDT by liberalh8ter ( This tagline has taken the month off to attend the inauguration.)
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