Harris & Walz Ticket Praised [semi-satire]

While many commentators were surprised that Vice-President Kamala Harris chose Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz to be her running mate, prominent members of the progressive left enthusiastically endorsed the choice.

The Democratic Socialists of America (DSA) took credit for "steering Harris away from the Jewish enabler of Palestinian genocide to pick the most socialist of the options under consideration. Her next steps must be an immediate ceasefire in Palestine and an embargo on all arms to Israel."

The Black Muslim Leadership Council Fund called "the rise of Harris to be the Democrat presidential nominee and her choice of Gov. Walz to be her running mate is a dramatic improvement over Biden's flaccid support for the liberation of Palestine from Israeli occupation. Pushing the demented fool aside was a masterstroke that shows this ticket has the ruthlessness that will be instrumental for assisting Islam's quest to conquer the world for Allah."

Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) said "this is the most progressive pair of running mates in American history. Gov. Walz's snitch line for residents to turn in their neighbors for violating his pandemic edicts added thousands of eyes to aid police in tracking down the non-obedient. This ingeniously brought Soviet-style tactics to America. The election of this dynamic duo will show that voters are no longer frightened by socialism."

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton singled out "Walz's directive that all school restrooms--including those for boys--must provide free tampons is a common sense and compassionate policy. It will help shy boys overcome their fears of transitioning to girls."

Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) called the choice "incredible! Inspiring, uplifting, we're bringing joy back into politics. We're talking about real freedom: freedom from gun ownership, freedom to terminate a baby you don't want, freedom from the drudgery of working to support yourself, we're taking America back for the people!"

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) observed "we finally have a ticket that is unabashedly in favor of abortion. We're free of the 'personally opposed' waffling that bogged down progress during the Biden Administration. Gov. Walz has a perfect 0% pro-life score from National Right to Life. He even apologized for accidentally voting for a bill in 2018 that protected the lives of babies who survive botched abortions. Together they will achieve the reductions in human population needed to save the climate from being destroyed."

In related news, in Arizona, Maricopa County Superior Court Judge Christopher Whitten ordered the phrase "unborn human being" stricken from the ballot language of a proposition to make abortion a "fundamental right" in the state's constitution. "It's not that the phrase is inaccurate," Judge Whitten admitted, "but the proposition's advocates--the ACLU and Planned Parenthood--prefer more neutral terminology. The feeling is that if voters are reminded that a human life is being taken they may be reluctant to vote for the measure."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/366747-2024-08-10-semi-news-semi-satire-august-11-2024-edition.htm

13 Reasons to vote Democrat

VOTE DEMOCRAT IF

You want to be forced to give up air conditioning and you want the government to tell you when and how much energy you can use to heat your home in the winter
You want to pay for the welfare and support of 20 million more illegal immigrants over the next four years
You only want to use electricity from sunrise to sunset on days when it isn’t cloudy
You want to be forced to stop eating meat and eat insects instead
You think that only the police and military should be armed and that the more helpless you are the safer you are from armed criminals
You think your taxes are much too low
You want gas prices to reach $10 - $15/gallon in the next four years
You like inflation and think it’s a good idea that everything costs more
You want to see the manufacture and sale of gas and diesel powered cars ended and replaced with expensive, unreliable, inconvenient, range limited battery cars
You want to replace coal, gas and nuclear power generation with wind and solar and are willing to accept that electricity will only be available a few hours a day and some days not at all
You think that criminals and terrorists coming across the open border have every right to be here in the USA.
You approve of Hamas and think that Jews should be excluded from colleges, clubs, etc. and wear a yellow star of David on their clothes
You think Kamala Harris is smarter than you are ( and if you think that you’re probably right.)

If this is what you think you should vote Democrat because this is what they stand for

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.