Posted on 04/17/2008 10:56:22 PM PDT by writer33
Corpus Christi—In what could be a new trend, a 36-year old conservative Texas man has had plastic surgery in order to join the Republican Party. After trying numerous kinds of unresponsive treatments, Corpus Christi native, Chris Davis, finally had his testicles reduced.
Chris had been claiming since 2004 that his testicles were far too large to be a member of the current Republican Party. He sought several different forms of therapy, including many sessions with a psychiatrist.
It was during the final session with his psychiatrist, Dr. Rick Muller, the name of Dr. Jim Balzack came up in their discussions.
“Chris was seriously conflicted,” stated Dr. Muller. “He was having nightmares about Senator John McCain becoming President of the United States, as well as the out of control Congress.”
Dr. Balzack is a renown name in plastic surgery, and the best in South Texas, specializing in male enhancement plastic surgeries.
“I have to say it caught me off guard,” claimed Dr. Balzack. “You don’t normally get patients that want this kind of elective surgery.”
The doctor quickly arranged an appointment where different kinds of surgeries could be performed, including removal of Chris’s testicles entirely.
“Chris was adamant in keeping at least some of his testicles,” said Dr. Balzack. “He reminded me that he didn’t want to join the Democratic Party.”
So, during the eight hour surgery, the doctor reduced his testicles by half their normal size, giving Chris the treatment he’d been seeking for over four years.
“I think that Chris will be just fine. It won’t be long before he quickly starts abandoning some of his conservative principles for a more populist view of America. ‘Reaching out’ won’t just be words in his vocabulary, it will be a way of life for him,” explained Dr. Balzack. “I think he’ll find voting for John McCain easier to stomach.”
The surgery was so successful that Chris soon found employment at a local law firm. “This was the best decision I ever made,” Chris exclaimed. “I used to worry about the future of the country, but now I just worry about corporate CEO’s. I can honestly say now that come November I’ll be ready to pull that lever for Senator McCain. I would recommend this for anyone who is in conflict. I’ve even embraced the premise that Global Warming is a threat. Rush Limbaugh has got to try this!”
Since the Chris’s success story has emerged, conservatives of all shape have rushed to Dr. Balzack’s clinic in order be a part of the current Republican Party.
“It’s really not all that bad,” stated Dr. Balzack. “Don’t think of it as compromising your principles entirely. Think of it more along the lines of cutting some of ‘em away.”
Thanks for reading, Rebelbase. I appreciate it. Good pick up on the name.
:-)
Thanks for reading, PGalt. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for reading, Blonde. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for reading, GOP Raider. I appreciate it.
Thanks for the bump, E.G.C.
There are other benefits associated with this surgery. You will find it much easier to vote for Rick (Trans-Texas Corridor) Perry, David (Kill Voter ID) Dewhurst, Tom (I know I look like a Republican even though I give to Democrats so I can get re-elected Speaker) Craddick, and Kay Baby (Kill Funding for the Fence) Hutchinson. Oh and I forgot our two Pharisee party leaders Tina (open sepulcher) Benkiser and Robin (Let the State Define What Is a Religion) Armstrong.
It will most definitely help you in those regards. God speed, lq. :-)
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.
Although you could have picked a different state. :)
Regretably, you're right. Just look at all the concessions the Republicans made in Congress when the GOP was the majority!
Hilarious! Of course, it wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t true. :)
I checked into having the same operation done and the doctor discovered another problem beside the obvious testicular one. He said I would have to have my spine reduced in size by 85%. Apparently this is where the willingness to stand up for ones beliefs actually lays, in the spinal column. I never would have thought of that.
We sure this guy wasn’t wanting to become a New Mexican vs a Republican ?;o)
Take out his spine and he can run for office.
Maybe one of them Santa Fey types. ;)
HA! So true.
I think this Dr. Jim Balzack worked on Eeeeeek !.....:o)
Santa Fey .....LOL ! TRUE and damn funny !
Heh. Good to see you back, writer! :)
That's true. But you may have to have that surgery if you're going to pull that lever for McCain in November. :-)
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