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Texas Man Has Surgery To Join Republican Party
Counterjab ^ | April 18, 2008 | Chris Davis

Posted on 04/17/2008 10:56:22 PM PDT by writer33

Corpus Christi—In what could be a new trend, a 36-year old conservative Texas man has had plastic surgery in order to join the Republican Party. After trying numerous kinds of unresponsive treatments, Corpus Christi native, Chris Davis, finally had his testicles reduced.

Chris had been claiming since 2004 that his testicles were far too large to be a member of the current Republican Party. He sought several different forms of therapy, including many sessions with a psychiatrist.

It was during the final session with his psychiatrist, Dr. Rick Muller, the name of Dr. Jim Balzack came up in their discussions.

“Chris was seriously conflicted,” stated Dr. Muller. “He was having nightmares about Senator John McCain becoming President of the United States, as well as the out of control Congress.”

Dr. Balzack is a renown name in plastic surgery, and the best in South Texas, specializing in male enhancement plastic surgeries.

“I have to say it caught me off guard,” claimed Dr. Balzack. “You don’t normally get patients that want this kind of elective surgery.”

The doctor quickly arranged an appointment where different kinds of surgeries could be performed, including removal of Chris’s testicles entirely.

“Chris was adamant in keeping at least some of his testicles,” said Dr. Balzack. “He reminded me that he didn’t want to join the Democratic Party.”

So, during the eight hour surgery, the doctor reduced his testicles by half their normal size, giving Chris the treatment he’d been seeking for over four years.

“I think that Chris will be just fine. It won’t be long before he quickly starts abandoning some of his conservative principles for a more populist view of America. ‘Reaching out’ won’t just be words in his vocabulary, it will be a way of life for him,” explained Dr. Balzack. “I think he’ll find voting for John McCain easier to stomach.”

The surgery was so successful that Chris soon found employment at a local law firm. “This was the best decision I ever made,” Chris exclaimed. “I used to worry about the future of the country, but now I just worry about corporate CEO’s. I can honestly say now that come November I’ll be ready to pull that lever for Senator McCain. I would recommend this for anyone who is in conflict. I’ve even embraced the premise that Global Warming is a threat. Rush Limbaugh has got to try this!”

Since the Chris’s success story has emerged, conservatives of all shape have rushed to Dr. Balzack’s clinic in order be a part of the current Republican Party.

“It’s really not all that bad,” stated Dr. Balzack. “Don’t think of it as compromising your principles entirely. Think of it more along the lines of cutting some of ‘em away.”


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Miscellaneous; Politics
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 04/17/2008 10:56:23 PM PDT by writer33
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To: b4its2late; Babu; backhoe; Bahbah; bannie; BellStar; Big Horn; BigSkyFreeper; bitt; blackbart1; ...

Satire ping!


2 posted on 04/17/2008 10:57:16 PM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: writer33

In related news, Democrats wishing to “cross-over” to join Republican ranks have been ungoing procedures to reposition their heads back to a position above the shoulders from their normal resting place betweem the glutes.


3 posted on 04/17/2008 11:00:52 PM PDT by shibumi (".....panta en pasin....." - Origen)
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To: writer33

SORRY!

Here’s an “n”.

I’ll take back the extra “m”.

(That’ll teach me to use the chellspecker!)


4 posted on 04/17/2008 11:03:03 PM PDT by shibumi (".....panta en pasin....." - Origen)
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To: shibumi

Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.


5 posted on 04/17/2008 11:04:22 PM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: writer33

.....and here’s the missing “der”.

(At least my errors keep bttt!)


6 posted on 04/17/2008 11:04:31 PM PDT by shibumi (".....panta en pasin....." - Origen)
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To: shibumi

:-)


7 posted on 04/17/2008 11:05:09 PM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: writer33

LOL


8 posted on 04/17/2008 11:06:52 PM PDT by chasio649 (sick of it all)
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To: writer33

Well he certainly could not have been a democrat man with such huge testicles. They geld all their men first.


9 posted on 04/17/2008 11:08:13 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
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To: writer33

And people say that you Yanks don’t have keen a sense of humor! This is American satire at its finest.


10 posted on 04/17/2008 11:12:09 PM PDT by DieHard the Hunter (Is mise an ceann-cinnidh. Cha ghéill mi do dhuine. Fàg am bealach.)
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To: writer33
“Chris was adamant in keeping at least some of his testicles,” said Dr. Balzack. “He reminded me that he didn’t want to join the Democratic Party.”




11 posted on 04/17/2008 11:20:58 PM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life)
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To: DieHard the Hunter

To paraphrase Tommy Lee Jones:

“We here in America have no sense of humor that we’re aware of.”

I, myself, being a first generation American, was born with a vestigial sense of humor, thanks to my father, who emigrated here from Scotland. In order to become a proper American and “fit in” with the mainstream, I had it surgically removed (a total funnybonectomy) at the age of twelve.

Since then, I have, for the sake of my friends from other parts of the world, tried to learn a few jokes by rote. The only problem now is that when I tell one and everybody laughs, they then have to explain it to me, because I no longer “get it.”


12 posted on 04/17/2008 11:42:46 PM PDT by shibumi (".....panta en pasin....." - Origen)
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To: IncPen

humor ping


13 posted on 04/17/2008 11:49:05 PM PDT by Nailbiter
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To: writer33

He could have reduced his testicles the old fashioned way and taken steroids for a period of years. :)

(Of course if we were discussing someone from Austin or Travis County there may not be any testes that could be reduced.)


14 posted on 04/17/2008 11:49:49 PM PDT by GOP_Raider (Let's Get Cup Crazy! Let's Go Sharks!)
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To: writer33

BTTT


15 posted on 04/18/2008 2:56:48 AM PDT by E.G.C.
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To: writer33

BTTT


16 posted on 04/18/2008 2:57:02 AM PDT by E.G.C.
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To: writer33
Excellent!


ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

17 posted on 04/18/2008 3:37:36 AM PDT by G.Mason (Duty, Honor, Country)
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To: writer33
No, I think the gentleman’s confused. You have the testicle reduction to join the Democrats, not the Republicans. (Oh, yeah, and you have to get your brain removed, too.)
18 posted on 04/18/2008 3:41:15 AM PDT by RichInOC (Democrats p**s me off!)
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To: Secret Agent Man

Ya beat me to it. My first thought was that if he were joining the Rats he’d have to have them cut off.


19 posted on 04/18/2008 4:14:38 AM PDT by RU88 (The false messiah can not change water into wine any more than he can get unity from diversity.)
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To: RichInOC; RU88; Ultimatum; Sterco; expatguy; Paige; Tennessee_Bob; cspackler; ECM; STOCKHRSE; ...

Rats have big Cajones, but little brains.


20 posted on 04/18/2008 4:49:31 AM PDT by SwinneySwitch (US Constitution Article 4 Section 4..shall protect each of them against Invasion...domestic Violence)
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