Posted on 04/17/2008 10:56:22 PM PDT by writer33
Corpus ChristiIn what could be a new trend, a 36-year old conservative Texas man has had plastic surgery in order to join the Republican Party. After trying numerous kinds of unresponsive treatments, Corpus Christi native, Chris Davis, finally had his testicles reduced.
Chris had been claiming since 2004 that his testicles were far too large to be a member of the current Republican Party. He sought several different forms of therapy, including many sessions with a psychiatrist.
It was during the final session with his psychiatrist, Dr. Rick Muller, the name of Dr. Jim Balzack came up in their discussions.
Chris was seriously conflicted, stated Dr. Muller. He was having nightmares about Senator John McCain becoming President of the United States, as well as the out of control Congress.
Dr. Balzack is a renown name in plastic surgery, and the best in South Texas, specializing in male enhancement plastic surgeries.
I have to say it caught me off guard, claimed Dr. Balzack. You dont normally get patients that want this kind of elective surgery.
The doctor quickly arranged an appointment where different kinds of surgeries could be performed, including removal of Chriss testicles entirely.
Chris was adamant in keeping at least some of his testicles, said Dr. Balzack. He reminded me that he didnt want to join the Democratic Party.
So, during the eight hour surgery, the doctor reduced his testicles by half their normal size, giving Chris the treatment hed been seeking for over four years.
I think that Chris will be just fine. It wont be long before he quickly starts abandoning some of his conservative principles for a more populist view of America. Reaching out wont just be words in his vocabulary, it will be a way of life for him, explained Dr. Balzack. I think hell find voting for John McCain easier to stomach.
The surgery was so successful that Chris soon found employment at a local law firm. This was the best decision I ever made, Chris exclaimed. I used to worry about the future of the country, but now I just worry about corporate CEOs. I can honestly say now that come November Ill be ready to pull that lever for Senator McCain. I would recommend this for anyone who is in conflict. Ive even embraced the premise that Global Warming is a threat. Rush Limbaugh has got to try this!
Since the Chriss success story has emerged, conservatives of all shape have rushed to Dr. Balzacks clinic in order be a part of the current Republican Party.
Its really not all that bad, stated Dr. Balzack. Dont think of it as compromising your principles entirely. Think of it more along the lines of cutting some of em away.
Satire ping!
In related news, Democrats wishing to “cross-over” to join Republican ranks have been ungoing procedures to reposition their heads back to a position above the shoulders from their normal resting place betweem the glutes.
SORRY!
Here’s an “n”.
I’ll take back the extra “m”.
(That’ll teach me to use the chellspecker!)
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.
.....and here’s the missing “der”.
(At least my errors keep bttt!)
:-)
LOL
Well he certainly could not have been a democrat man with such huge testicles. They geld all their men first.
And people say that you Yanks don’t have keen a sense of humor! This is American satire at its finest.
To paraphrase Tommy Lee Jones:
“We here in America have no sense of humor that we’re aware of.”
I, myself, being a first generation American, was born with a vestigial sense of humor, thanks to my father, who emigrated here from Scotland. In order to become a proper American and “fit in” with the mainstream, I had it surgically removed (a total funnybonectomy) at the age of twelve.
Since then, I have, for the sake of my friends from other parts of the world, tried to learn a few jokes by rote. The only problem now is that when I tell one and everybody laughs, they then have to explain it to me, because I no longer “get it.”
humor ping
He could have reduced his testicles the old fashioned way and taken steroids for a period of years. :)
(Of course if we were discussing someone from Austin or Travis County there may not be any testes that could be reduced.)
BTTT
BTTT
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE
Ya beat me to it. My first thought was that if he were joining the Rats he’d have to have them cut off.
Rats have big Cajones, but little brains.
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