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Texas Man Has Surgery To Join Republican Party
Counterjab ^ | April 18, 2008 | Chris Davis

Posted on 04/17/2008 10:56:22 PM PDT by writer33

Corpus Christi—In what could be a new trend, a 36-year old conservative Texas man has had plastic surgery in order to join the Republican Party. After trying numerous kinds of unresponsive treatments, Corpus Christi native, Chris Davis, finally had his testicles reduced.

Chris had been claiming since 2004 that his testicles were far too large to be a member of the current Republican Party. He sought several different forms of therapy, including many sessions with a psychiatrist.

It was during the final session with his psychiatrist, Dr. Rick Muller, the name of Dr. Jim Balzack came up in their discussions.

“Chris was seriously conflicted,” stated Dr. Muller. “He was having nightmares about Senator John McCain becoming President of the United States, as well as the out of control Congress.”

Dr. Balzack is a renown name in plastic surgery, and the best in South Texas, specializing in male enhancement plastic surgeries.

“I have to say it caught me off guard,” claimed Dr. Balzack. “You don’t normally get patients that want this kind of elective surgery.”

The doctor quickly arranged an appointment where different kinds of surgeries could be performed, including removal of Chris’s testicles entirely.

“Chris was adamant in keeping at least some of his testicles,” said Dr. Balzack. “He reminded me that he didn’t want to join the Democratic Party.”

So, during the eight hour surgery, the doctor reduced his testicles by half their normal size, giving Chris the treatment he’d been seeking for over four years.

“I think that Chris will be just fine. It won’t be long before he quickly starts abandoning some of his conservative principles for a more populist view of America. ‘Reaching out’ won’t just be words in his vocabulary, it will be a way of life for him,” explained Dr. Balzack. “I think he’ll find voting for John McCain easier to stomach.”

The surgery was so successful that Chris soon found employment at a local law firm. “This was the best decision I ever made,” Chris exclaimed. “I used to worry about the future of the country, but now I just worry about corporate CEO’s. I can honestly say now that come November I’ll be ready to pull that lever for Senator McCain. I would recommend this for anyone who is in conflict. I’ve even embraced the premise that Global Warming is a threat. Rush Limbaugh has got to try this!”

Since the Chris’s success story has emerged, conservatives of all shape have rushed to Dr. Balzack’s clinic in order be a part of the current Republican Party.

“It’s really not all that bad,” stated Dr. Balzack. “Don’t think of it as compromising your principles entirely. Think of it more along the lines of cutting some of ‘em away.”


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Miscellaneous; Politics
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To: Rebelbase

Thanks for reading, Rebelbase. I appreciate it. Good pick up on the name.

:-)


41 posted on 04/18/2008 7:05:52 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: PGalt

Thanks for reading, PGalt. Glad you enjoyed it.


42 posted on 04/18/2008 7:06:12 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: JustaDumbBlonde

Thanks for reading, Blonde. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.


43 posted on 04/18/2008 7:08:20 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: GOP_Raider

Thanks for reading, GOP Raider. I appreciate it.


44 posted on 04/18/2008 7:30:42 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: E.G.C.

Thanks for the bump, E.G.C.


45 posted on 04/18/2008 7:31:22 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: writer33

There are other benefits associated with this surgery. You will find it much easier to vote for Rick (Trans-Texas Corridor) Perry, David (Kill Voter ID) Dewhurst, Tom (I know I look like a Republican even though I give to Democrats so I can get re-elected Speaker) Craddick, and Kay Baby (Kill Funding for the Fence) Hutchinson. Oh and I forgot our two Pharisee party leaders Tina (open sepulcher) Benkiser and Robin (Let the State Define What Is a Religion) Armstrong.


46 posted on 04/18/2008 8:00:23 AM PDT by lqcincinnatus
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To: lqcincinnatus

It will most definitely help you in those regards. God speed, lq. :-)

Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.


47 posted on 04/18/2008 8:06:20 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: writer33
Keep up the good work!

Although you could have picked a different state. :)

48 posted on 04/18/2008 8:56:15 AM PDT by SouthTexas (If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space!)
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To: SwinneySwitch
"Rats have big Cajones, but little brains."

Regretably, you're right. Just look at all the concessions the Republicans made in Congress when the GOP was the majority!

49 posted on 04/18/2008 9:00:55 AM PDT by Joe 6-pack (Que me amat, amet et canem meum)
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To: writer33

Hilarious! Of course, it wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t true. :)


50 posted on 04/18/2008 9:04:58 AM PDT by Matchett-PI (Proud member of "Operation Chaos" having the T-shirt , ball cap and bumpersticker to prove it.)
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To: writer33

I checked into having the same operation done and the doctor discovered another problem beside the obvious testicular one. He said I would have to have my spine reduced in size by 85%. Apparently this is where the willingness to stand up for ones beliefs actually lays, in the spinal column. I never would have thought of that.


51 posted on 04/18/2008 9:35:38 AM PDT by B4Ranch ( Rope, Tree & Traitor; Some Assembly Required || Gun Control Means Never Having To Say I Missed You)
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To: Eaker; Tijeras_Slim

We sure this guy wasn’t wanting to become a New Mexican vs a Republican ?;o)


52 posted on 04/18/2008 10:37:00 AM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.©)
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To: writer33

Take out his spine and he can run for office.


53 posted on 04/18/2008 10:38:59 AM PDT by bmwcyle (I always rely on God and Guns in that order)
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To: Squantos; Eaker

Maybe one of them Santa Fey types. ;)


54 posted on 04/18/2008 10:39:30 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim (Play that Funky Music Typical White Boy!)
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To: bmwcyle

HA! So true.


55 posted on 04/18/2008 10:39:45 AM PDT by rintense
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To: Tijeras_Slim

I think this Dr. Jim Balzack worked on Eeeeeek !.....:o)

Santa Fey .....LOL ! TRUE and damn funny !


56 posted on 04/18/2008 10:48:27 AM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.©)
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To: writer33
Giggle!
Whatever it takes, I guess.
Thanks for the ping
57 posted on 04/18/2008 5:00:17 PM PDT by Brasil (Dem motto: Demagoguery trumps truth.)
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To: writer33
Tell El Rushbo he can make a parody with it!

Photobucket

58 posted on 04/18/2008 8:20:30 PM PDT by b4its2late (Ignorance allows liberalism to prosper.)
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To: writer33

Heh. Good to see you back, writer! :)


59 posted on 04/20/2008 12:04:58 PM PDT by Killborn (BASH BUSH!! All the COOL kids are doing it!!!! Perfect for people with no logic or reason!)
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To: B4Ranch
I checked into having the same operation done and the doctor discovered another problem beside the obvious testicular one. He said I would have to have my spine reduced in size by 85%. Apparently this is where the willingness to stand up for ones beliefs actually lays, in the spinal column. I never would have thought of that.

That's true. But you may have to have that surgery if you're going to pull that lever for McCain in November. :-)

60 posted on 04/24/2008 7:53:28 PM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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