Posted on 05/06/2005 6:53:22 AM PDT by writer33
Fresno—In a joyous revelation, Laura Bush created Free Republic’s very own version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, causing the death of the coupe de grace of the coupe de tat. It appeared that posters—known as Freepers—were bickering so much about Laura Bush’s jokes in Washington that they resorted to cannibalism, dismemberment and decapitation of each other in defense of their position on the first lady’s comments.
The posts on the forum reportedly became so hostile that Jim Robinson, the bigoted owner of the site, was forced to pull one of the threads, leaving a lone thread for the carnage to commence as Freepers slaughtered each other.
Along with the hysteria that the closed-minded robots forced on innocent victims, redneck, Christian conservatives were pitted against ignorant, secular and hedonistic conservatives. In a clash of mental midget titans, radio icons, Michael Savage and Bill Bennett, were savaged by unsubstantiated, venomous attacks in this bloodbath. There was, of course, the typical bashing of the New York Times as the witless, free-for-all comments commenced.
“Savage is a pinhead, and everybody else who is getting an attack of the vapors over this little lark needs to think long and hard about the aid and comfort they're giving the enemy,” posted steve-b, an ignoramus of ill repute, taking first amendment rights to their idiotic conclusions.
However, steve-b’s asinine posts didn’t end there. In his address to Wallace T., he slammed Bill Bennett’s for his comments on the Laura Bush’s jokes. “I still think Bill Bennett was massaging out a cramp he got from trying to work a balky nickel-slots handle.” The carnivores were out and just getting started.
Pippin joined the slaughter of the innocents, commenting, “Someone should tell Michael ‘Bush is scum’ Savage to SHUT HIS BIG FAT MOUTH!” Immaturity was in the air as the obvious kindergarten antics were in full force.
The Leatherfaces of Free Republic also began to hack and slash with intellectual immaturity, attacking the Christian right. “The people who are feigning moral disgust at what Laura said are nothing short of perverted,” whined ohioWfan. “Not one solid, moral Christian I know on this forum—and in my 'real' life—thought the First Lady's comments were immoral. Those who are screaming the loudest are complete frauds.” The only fraud here was the lack of any grain of moral fiber whatsoever from ohioWfan. As we’ve all heard, “A hit dog always hollers.” Well, the hit dogs were screaming bloody murder on May 3, 2005.
“I love the ‘holier than thou’ crowd going nuts and analyzing every word, trying to better up one another,” hammered repinwi, with a post that could’ve come straight from the Democratic Underground.
“Holier-than-thou nut jobs pretty well sums it up,” blasted Samwise, an unwise hobbit and moron.
“You would have a problem if it were a Hallmark movie,” screamed the repugnant repinwi, assaulting Iscool, a person that only espoused Christian beliefs, and was rumored to be far more morally superior.
And finally, the person that spewed more drivel with ten hours of mindless attacks on the Christian right, posted, “I hereby officially call to order the Free Republic Anally Retentive ‘Holier Than Thou Prudes’ on Parade!” This is typical coming from a person that’s only happy when miserable, better known as the type of person that embodied the Leatherfaces of Free Republic, verbally hacking to pieces innocent victims in broad cyberlight for all to see.
Laura Bush, the First Lady of the United States, has now brought down a forum that no liberal could ever touch. Lawmakers and pundits across America took notice at the carnage.
“This is wonderful,” yelled Dianne Feinstein, D-CA. “I’ve detested that site for years! Knowing that it’ll be gone will encourage me to continue to ramrod California for years to come!”
“I think it’s hilarious,” mocked Al Franken. “We’ve all known these people eat their own. And to do it over the First Lady is just the best gift a liberal could have!”
Even one of the United States greatest presidents, Bill Clinton, noted, “It’s great news! I hated that site when I was in my second term. And to think it won’t be around when Hillary runs in 2008. You’re the best Howlin. Thanks!”
Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, known for not mincing words, said, “Boy, will this help during my upcoming campaign. I won’t have these fascists kicking me around anymore. Bye, bye, Free Republic! I’ll keep you in my thoughts.”
In an address to Freepers everywhere, MoveOn.org commented, “Free Republic, known as the premier conservative forum, has become what it despises the most: The Democratic Party. In their Texas Chain Saw Massacre of the Christian right, they have left a pile of bodies and joined the likes of liberals everywhere with their unabashed hatred. They have sadly departed logic and resorted to kindergarten antics and insults, forever stomping out conservatism on the forum. We’re thrilled!”
Glad you're offended and enjoyed it, MJY1288. :)
Glad you enjoyed it, MeekOne and thanks for pinging the list.
Glad you enjoyed it jocon307.
Ya done good--as usual!
Glad you enjoyed the satire, TOLR.
Glad you enjoyed it, Gabz.
Glad you enjoyed it, txradioguy. Your confidence is overwhelming. :)
Glad you enjoyed it, Bahbah. Thanks for the nice sentiment.
Thanks for the bump, G.Mason. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
"Are you series?"
I think I sucked one in there. :)
Glad you enjoyed it, Quilla.
It's a good thing you didn't open the thread. You would've been toast. Glad you didn't enjoy it. :)
This forum has lost the common decency and thoughtful discourse that attracted me to it in the first place. Goodbye cruel world... Gooodbyyyeeeeeee!!!!!
(But it sounds like it was damn funny. I would have been in the thick of it. Talk about a tempest in a teapot.)
Glad you enjoyed it, Vision!
Glad you stopped by, AG.
Glad you enjoyed the satire, SC. And thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate it. Sarcasm intended.
I always enjoy your writing, my FRiend - ALWAYS!!!!
And now I am going to make my date with the pillow that has been calling me!
That's a good idea, bvd. Oops, I meant bvw. :)
Thanks for the double bump, E.G.C.!!!!!!!
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