Posted on 05/06/2005 6:53:22 AM PDT by writer33
Fresno—In a joyous revelation, Laura Bush created Free Republic’s very own version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, causing the death of the coupe de grace of the coupe de tat. It appeared that posters—known as Freepers—were bickering so much about Laura Bush’s jokes in Washington that they resorted to cannibalism, dismemberment and decapitation of each other in defense of their position on the first lady’s comments.
The posts on the forum reportedly became so hostile that Jim Robinson, the bigoted owner of the site, was forced to pull one of the threads, leaving a lone thread for the carnage to commence as Freepers slaughtered each other.
Along with the hysteria that the closed-minded robots forced on innocent victims, redneck, Christian conservatives were pitted against ignorant, secular and hedonistic conservatives. In a clash of mental midget titans, radio icons, Michael Savage and Bill Bennett, were savaged by unsubstantiated, venomous attacks in this bloodbath. There was, of course, the typical bashing of the New York Times as the witless, free-for-all comments commenced.
“Savage is a pinhead, and everybody else who is getting an attack of the vapors over this little lark needs to think long and hard about the aid and comfort they're giving the enemy,” posted steve-b, an ignoramus of ill repute, taking first amendment rights to their idiotic conclusions.
However, steve-b’s asinine posts didn’t end there. In his address to Wallace T., he slammed Bill Bennett’s for his comments on the Laura Bush’s jokes. “I still think Bill Bennett was massaging out a cramp he got from trying to work a balky nickel-slots handle.” The carnivores were out and just getting started.
Pippin joined the slaughter of the innocents, commenting, “Someone should tell Michael ‘Bush is scum’ Savage to SHUT HIS BIG FAT MOUTH!” Immaturity was in the air as the obvious kindergarten antics were in full force.
The Leatherfaces of Free Republic also began to hack and slash with intellectual immaturity, attacking the Christian right. “The people who are feigning moral disgust at what Laura said are nothing short of perverted,” whined ohioWfan. “Not one solid, moral Christian I know on this forum—and in my 'real' life—thought the First Lady's comments were immoral. Those who are screaming the loudest are complete frauds.” The only fraud here was the lack of any grain of moral fiber whatsoever from ohioWfan. As we’ve all heard, “A hit dog always hollers.” Well, the hit dogs were screaming bloody murder on May 3, 2005.
“I love the ‘holier than thou’ crowd going nuts and analyzing every word, trying to better up one another,” hammered repinwi, with a post that could’ve come straight from the Democratic Underground.
“Holier-than-thou nut jobs pretty well sums it up,” blasted Samwise, an unwise hobbit and moron.
“You would have a problem if it were a Hallmark movie,” screamed the repugnant repinwi, assaulting Iscool, a person that only espoused Christian beliefs, and was rumored to be far more morally superior.
And finally, the person that spewed more drivel with ten hours of mindless attacks on the Christian right, posted, “I hereby officially call to order the Free Republic Anally Retentive ‘Holier Than Thou Prudes’ on Parade!” This is typical coming from a person that’s only happy when miserable, better known as the type of person that embodied the Leatherfaces of Free Republic, verbally hacking to pieces innocent victims in broad cyberlight for all to see.
Laura Bush, the First Lady of the United States, has now brought down a forum that no liberal could ever touch. Lawmakers and pundits across America took notice at the carnage.
“This is wonderful,” yelled Dianne Feinstein, D-CA. “I’ve detested that site for years! Knowing that it’ll be gone will encourage me to continue to ramrod California for years to come!”
“I think it’s hilarious,” mocked Al Franken. “We’ve all known these people eat their own. And to do it over the First Lady is just the best gift a liberal could have!”
Even one of the United States greatest presidents, Bill Clinton, noted, “It’s great news! I hated that site when I was in my second term. And to think it won’t be around when Hillary runs in 2008. You’re the best Howlin. Thanks!”
Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, known for not mincing words, said, “Boy, will this help during my upcoming campaign. I won’t have these fascists kicking me around anymore. Bye, bye, Free Republic! I’ll keep you in my thoughts.”
In an address to Freepers everywhere, MoveOn.org commented, “Free Republic, known as the premier conservative forum, has become what it despises the most: The Democratic Party. In their Texas Chain Saw Massacre of the Christian right, they have left a pile of bodies and joined the likes of liberals everywhere with their unabashed hatred. They have sadly departed logic and resorted to kindergarten antics and insults, forever stomping out conservatism on the forum. We’re thrilled!”
We might argue at times and say nasty things to each other, however we are much worse on liberals and we are always right.
As far as liberals are concerned, they may not argue to much among themselves nor to sheep, they just follow along, questioning nothing. At times they just run in a very big circle.
Great job - it took me to the end to catch on- loved the quotes - well written jab at us all
Same here.......I always miss the good ones........
I love the debate on here.
Love this or love the Clintons...let me think......
I haven't been party to that, yet! But I can imagine.
I think it would be easier for us to jot down the topics that have never (or at least, hardly ever if they're discussed alot) erupted into fights.
Who is Chris Davis and what is he talking about? FR is NOT going anywhere! He thinks a minor disagreement among a tiny number of Freepers is going to kill the site? What a maroon!
Yeah, we had one on here the other day about public breast-feeding. It was very entertaining, as I'm sure you can imagine! Certain topics seem to bring out the worst in us! lol Makes for a lot of fun.
I am going to put it on the wall some time. I experienced it so many times. I did things way back when nobody else did them, kind of like the country song, "I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool".
Made gunpowder when I was 12, handloaded ammo when I was 14, was in bomb disposal, lived on sailboat, sailed half way around the world, bicyle ridding, hiking, camping, and fixing to start flying.
When you get old and let your dreams die, you die right behind them.
Someone may already have noted this, but who is more stupid: all the "morons" and "bigots" having at it on Free Republic, or Chris Davis of Counterjab who spends valuable time reading the posts of said morons and bigots?
Thanks, my FRiend. We had a great time.
The weather has been wicked. A friend came in about a half hour before it was time for us to head home and had just come from Norfolk. The Bay Bridge Tunnel had been closed to truck traffic because the winds were over 45mph.
Maybe I'm just too subtle :-).
Any time you want, my FRiend, any time you want!!!!!!
A friend of mine drowned in the high winds out there two weeks ago. We've got sunshine and over 70, finally, but I wouldn't want to be in a boat anywhere, with this wind. The Cubs were supposed to shoot off model rockets last night, but it was so windy we were afraid they'd blow onto the church roof and burn the place down!
The laughter I enjoyed is why I kept going back to those threads.
Folks digging in their heels always amuse me.
Okay, I get it.
Keep reading, my FRiend. Chris Davis is FReeper writer33 and this is satire.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. My husband goes ballistic every time he hears of someone going out in a small boat under these conditions.
We're babysitting a friend's boat for the winter and were planning on taking it out on Tuesday - for the moment I'm perfectly happy he hasn't gotten the renewal paperwork back to us yet - it's currently not legal to take out. Even though the weather is supposed to break tomorrow, I wouldn't be comfortable.
I hope the Cubs get to shoot their rockets soon, that had to have been a major disappointment to them.
Ooops! My satire meter is in the shop. Freeper shutting up now. ;o[
Bill and Tom were staying home, because they were really anoying yesterday, so they're glad the rocket launch will be rescheduled.
I'll bet the big golf tournament here has been interesting, too! Sometimes I wish we had cable ...
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