Posted on 09/12/2002 11:44:42 AM PDT by Pern
Don't you just hate it when the phone rings when you are on an important call or eating dinner -- and find its a telemarketer wanting to give you another credit card or sell you vinyl siding? Here is a couple of the tricks I use to get back at them:
My personal favorite has been to tell a female telemarketer “Thank you for calling. My wife and I have an appointment with a fertility doctor in about an hour and I need to bring in a semen sample. Problem is that I’m having a concentration problem. You know, you have a very, very sexy voice. Would you mind talking dirty to me for a little while?”
Here are a few others you can try:
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my job sucks, my wife and daughters are pregnant, my dog just died..."
If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood? After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.
Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your mom?"
Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder…
Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
I do too, and I've sold on commission before. It's definitely more fair to the salesman that way, and it increases the quality of customer service. What annoys me, as a consumer, is when commissions are based on profit margin, not sale price (Think used car dealer.)
Closely related activities.
troll...
I'll make them wish their momma never taught them to dial the phone.
And picks a 4 year old thread ...
A few years ago I got a new phone number. Soon after I began getting many many calls for a Robert something from business after business. I was nice for about two weeks, then someone called while I was in the shower and let the phone ring and ring.
It was a lawn chemical company. I ordered several hundred dollars worth of lawn chemicals to be sent to roberts house.
Next I ordered triple pane windows.
For a week, salesmen loved me.
Then the calls suddenly stopped.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.