Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 06/21/2002 7:12:30 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
Here are a couple of items to make all smile.
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The Shoe
One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party.
Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife.
Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat.
Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.
They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"
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The successful lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jaguar XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Jag.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911.
In less than five minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you high rolling lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Didn't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"OH MY GOD," screamed the lawyer, "My Rolex!!!!"
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As you may know ... some password protected sites require a password that is at least 6 characters long. With that bit of trivia out of the way .... - - - - - - - here's one for the ladies...
The Password
A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer.
She asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter "penis".
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She almost died laughing at the computer's response:
"Password rejected. Not long enough."
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Eternal Truths
1) Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
2) I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
3) If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
4) Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
5) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
6) I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
7) Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
8) We cannot change the direction of the wind ... but we can adjust our sails.
9) Some days are a total waste of makeup.
10) Do you believe in love at first sight ... or should I walk by you again?
11) If the shoe fits...... buy it in every color.
12) If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
13) Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
14) Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
15) Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
16) If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
17) My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
18) Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
19) It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
20) For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
21) If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
22) Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
23) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
24) Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
25) A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
26) Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
27) Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
28) Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
29) There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
30) Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
31) By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
32) Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
32) Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself
Hi, Gabz.. Well said.
Here's one for you, courtesy of oldest daughter:
How to speak about WOMEN and be POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
7. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
8. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
9. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
How to speak about MEN and be POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICULAR REGRESSION
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
6. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION
7. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY
8. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
The Marx Brothers will pale by comparison. I can't wait!
OK. Try this, it's from a different part of the cooler. Just a little colder.
I like that!
And those are just the men.
Big Drug's Nicotine War
Ifs and Butts
2 Robbed at Gunpoint for Cigarettes
PETITIONS AGAINST GOVERNMENT ENCROACHMENT
Raleigh (NC) radio station pulls anti-tobacco ads
For the Children
Neo-Nazi nannies lay siege to our homes
The Lure Of Nicotine `Candy'
GREAT SMOKING DISCUSSION ON KABC
Stamp Out Cigarettes?
Restaurants blast no smoking regulations
Don't live - or the Big C might kill you
Activists Butts In on Londoners
WHO wants copy of SA smoking ruling
Philip Morris report reprehensible
Co. Introduces New Tobacco Product
Ky. Smokers Offered Cash to Quit (Officials offer Grand Prize of Two thousand five hundred dollars)
Flak Magazine's Review of Free Republic #1 with a bullet
Smokophobia
Little of $246b deal fights tobacco: 44 states divert "Big Tobacco" money windfall
Butts on Beach making waves
Blubber Police are coming!
Oregon's Smoking Taliban - Oregonians who find smoking detestable need to lighten up
On misreported ETS studies Another goodie
Is Nicotine Good for the Heart?
The sick rise of health fascism
Study: Only 5 Percent of States' Tobacco Settlement Money Going to Smoking Prevention
Does tobacco smoke prevent atopic disorders? A study of two generations of Swedish residents.
President Bush Enjoys Occasional Cigar, and Passes Physical
Canada Targets `Mild' Cigarettes
Canada to ban "light" and "mild" tobacco labels
Anti-Smoking Policy Reminiscent of '3rd Reich' Here's another
Tobacco Ads Still Targeting Children, Study Shows
UK Public Supports Tobacco Ad Ban
Banned smokers now upsetting patio diners
Proposed restaurant smoke ban introduced
Secondhand smoke main cause of death in the workplace, study says
Butt out, government (Canada-Tobacco)
Store Owner caught in set-up by the Smoking Police
SONG PARODY: Strollin' Through the Park One Day (don't dare smoke)
Research fails to justify smoking ban in restaurants
Maine's smoking ban too modest
Anti-smoking activists target Marion
Calif. Smoker to Take Lower Philip Morris Damages
Smoke-Free or Free To Smoke?
Study: Tobacco Settlement Was About Money, Not Justice Another good one.
The Smoking Debate
Temple Terrace Smoking Ban Lifted
Congress not told of MTBE dangers EPA knew in 1987
The Glitzy Return of the Zippo Lighter
Tobacco Shops Grow in Popularity in Maine One for SheLion
McCrae's World
Lubbock, Texas, Smoking Ban
Groups might strike compromise on local smoking ban
Tobacco crisis real
Nicotine fixes
Guns that kill
Huffing and puffing over Ottawa's intolerant, excessive bylaw
Age-Old Quest: Can the Kahn Siblings Help Scientists Bottle the Secret to a Longer Life?
Vermont's "Smoking" Gun
Clinton Promises Bill Allowing States To Curb Tobacco Ads (Beast Alert!)
Smokers face 20-per cent higher risk of an early grave
Tobacco Ads Are Not the Problem
Shining The Light of Truth
And this is only the first six weeks worth!
What the heck is PSAKP and FORCES?
PSAKP is this dorks acronym for anyone who disagrees that smoking in the presence of anyone that does not smoke is not abuse and if the non-smokier is a child the worst form of child abuse known to man. it stands for pro-smoking around kids people.
FORCES is an international grassroots organization devoted to stopping the madness. Fight Ordinances and Restrictions to Curtail and Eliminate Smoking.
FORCES is completely and totally member supported and has no ties to the tobacco industry - no matter what the anti-smoker organizations try to convince people.
<a href ="http://www.forces.org:>FORCES website</a><P> Just popping back in - if this info was already posted - my apologies!!!
max, do you remember who first did that - or was it you??? That would not surprise me.
SMOKING KILLS! (Literally) College Student dead after falling off ledge while smoking. Here's a Darwin award
A BALANCED PERSPECTIVE
L.A. May Snuff Out Smoking In City Parks
Arkansas governor rejects proposed restaurant smoking ban (state should not infringe on smokers)
Groups push to outlaw indoor smoking
Police Barred From Smoking in Philadelphia
Nonprofit group decides against releasing September poll results
HONOLULU SMOKING BAN NEEDS FREEPER HELP
Freedom snuffed out
Businesses feel sting of smoking ban
Montrose smoking ban upheld
Should I start smoking a pipe?
Gay American Smokeout
Effects of 1998 California Smoking Ban on Bars, Taverns and Night Clubs
Getting it two-thirds right
Health budget can take cuts too
State's tobacco tax buys bilingual kits to educate parents
Environmental Protection Agency Asking All Parents to Take the Smoke-Free Home Pledge Initiative
Duluth smoking ban on balloint again
Temple Terrace Smoking Ban Lifted
Duluth voters back indoor smoking ban.
Smoking ban sought by group
Outlawing drifting smoke -- and other dumb laws
Councilman burned up by smoking in line
Cigarette tax soars; will cheating, too? ("All hell is going to break loose.")
Why not just round up ALL the smokers???
Global Ridicule Extinguishes Montgomery's Anti-Smoking Bill
Beliefs About Low Self-Esteem 'Are Myths'
Backwards thinking in Maryland
Hollywood Up in Smoke
Santa, smoking derail Montgomery Way (TRT Gets Mention)
ARE YOU NUTS????????????????
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