Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 05/03/2002 9:57:12 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
Yep bro I never saw that one coming... Harhar
Everyone seems to be wondering why the Arab terrorists are so quick to commit suicide?
Let's see now:
No premarital sex.
No booze.
No bars.
No television.
No Internet.
No organized sports, stadiums, tailgate parties.
Actually, no tailgates.
No Hooters.
No meat from a pig.
Sand everywhere and not a dune buggy in sight.
Ever try to fish at an oasis?
Rags for clothes and hats.
Eating only with your right hand cause you wipe your butt only with your left. Like life isn't complicated enough already.
Constant wailing from the guy next door because he is sick and no doctors.
No music.
No radio.
You can't shave.
You can't shower.
Bar-B-Q donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
Oh, and then they tell you that when you die it all gets better
Who wouldn't go for it!
Thsi is too confusing dude. You have any Mich light back there?
7 down - not sure if there are any more - but we've been tramping around and moving stuff and making noise all day that there has been little activity from them.
What we have determined is the place 3 doors down that was gutted in a fire last week must have been heavily infested and with the 2 empty places bewteen they headed this way for food.
All of this does wonders for my ability to sell this place, doesn't it????
NEITHER. stick hat up yer a$$ and smoke it!
Welllllll... If I have to pick one... Okay my pants are too big...
Bwahaha...
FINE
If he still wants it after I licked the botle. Hehehe...
Might I get a Bloody Mary?
You know the croqs like that bike! LOL
FMCDH!
Drink fault-finding guide
A solution to all of your drinking troubles
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Bar swaying.
Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.
Solution: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.
Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.
Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.
Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution: Check your watch to see if its opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.
Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: The pub is closing.
Solution: Panic.
LOL, as a matter of fact ...... ;-)
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the a$$.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.
Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years...Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.
Drink: White Zin
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...
Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk...and naked .
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.
Then there is the male addendum ..
The deal with guys is, a always, very simple and clear cut.
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid. Whiskey: He doesn't give two sh!ts about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: P!ss off, all you wankers, I'm gonna go shag something.
(answering machine voice)
Dubya is presently locked in the detention room, please leave your message after the sound of the whip.
(CRAAAACCCKK)
(/answering machine voice)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.