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Freeoples Thread 303

Posted on 04/23/2002 7:04:16 PM PDT by Mo1

Freeoples ....

Thread 303



TOPICS: Freeoples; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: humor; news; politics
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To: ValerieUSA
38. Duct tape won't fix that.

I like this one .. LOL

861 posted on 04/26/2002 3:05:55 PM PDT by Mo1
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To: Mo1
I I haven't figured out if there is something wrong in the head or it's just a baby fide act .. all I know is that it is working on me .. BIG TIME

Just don't do anything that might leave marks

SO9

862 posted on 04/26/2002 3:07:01 PM PDT by Servant of the Nine
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To: Mo1
I see a thread about Mary Matalin leaving the White House by the end of the year. Fine. Anyone with judgement so poor as to marry Carville cannot be an asset.
863 posted on 04/26/2002 3:07:54 PM PDT by ValerieUSA
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To: null and void
Our conversation last night reminded of a couple of good computer "jokes."

You know it's time to turn your computer off and read a book when:


864 posted on 04/26/2002 3:09:34 PM PDT by sweetliberty
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To: Servant of the Nine
Not to worry ... all I have to do is yell and all these kiddies run .. hehe
865 posted on 04/26/2002 3:13:34 PM PDT by Mo1
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To: ValerieUSA
Yes I saw that .. it's a shake up in the Bush staff .. problem is .. Mary doesn't work for Bush .. she works for Cheney

Either way ... I'm not to bothered .. I'm sure she is very nice .. but I can't stand her choice in husband

866 posted on 04/26/2002 3:15:42 PM PDT by Mo1
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To: ValerieUSA
You bet your sweeet a**, its good to be home! Now, bout those groceries......I went to the store the day before I left....I'm sure hoping some of them are left....AND Dad wants PIZZA tonight....thank goodness, they deliver!!
867 posted on 04/26/2002 3:18:49 PM PDT by Rowdee
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To: Mo1;null and void;catpuppy;ValerieUSA;lodwick;Rowdee;Servant of the Nine; yall
I love this one:

You know you've been on the computer too much when you get a letter from your doctor like this:

Horace Duhnno
12 Connect Street
Webville, OH 24487

Dear Mr. Duhnno,

Upon reviewing the test results and x-rays regarding your symptoms discussed during your examination on 5/18/99, I have been able to determine the cause and treatment for each of your symptoms as follows:

The inability to straighten the fingers on your right hand is not the result of the work related accident in March. The x-rays reveal the same curvature in the bone structure that is associated with holding your mouse. Please use the keyboard and function keys for a period of at least 7 days, allowing the muscles and tendons to heal.

The results of the blood work has revealed the cause of your stomach disorder is styrafoam consumption. Although this is an expeditious and effortless way of eating, please avoid over heating this material to prevent consumption of the product.

The culture we did on your urinary system has confirmed that the repeated infections are the result of failure to relieve yourself as we discussed. Please excuse yourself from the chat room and frequent the bath room when necessary. If the antiseptic cream is not healing the zipper injury you experienced during your hasty return to the computer, please contact the office for a different medication.

Please adhere to the diet we provided. The meals consisting of potato chips, pizza, and coffee have your potassium level high and we "must" get it under control with proper dieting.

The examination of your eyes and the MRI revealed no causes for the headaches. After giving great thought to your lengthy conversation about your friends and time spent in the chat rooms, might I recommend that you reduce the 6 - 7 hours of chatting per day to a lesser amount of time. This should eliminate the visual strain and stress headaches.

As a treatment for your depression, you might consider establishing more than one email address to provide the volume of incoming messages you seem to be seeking. Also, establishing an ICQ account would provide you another means of instant messaging and increase your "buddy list".

As suspected, the tenderness in your abdomen is a hernia resulting from carrying your computer to technical support and will require immediate surgery. We have scheduled admittance on 6/2/99. As per your request, I have contacted the hospital and am sorry to report that they have no facilities available for internet connection in the recovery nor private rooms. Therefore, it appears that the megafire wireless access will be necessary in order for you access the chat rooms during your hospital stay. Also, public relations has advised they are unable to fulfill your request to notify your "buddy list" once the surgery is complete. Nurse Forshey feels that is a request beyond their capabilities and extends her apology.

The hospital and my staff will be contacting you for additional information necessary for your surgery, so please have your phone line cleared and be prepared to accept incoming calls between 3:00 pm - 4:00 pm tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Dr. J. T. Gates, M.D.

868 posted on 04/26/2002 3:19:04 PM PDT by sweetliberty
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To: Mo1
We had a priest at one of our duty stations who was highly intellegent. But his sermons were more for a theology class than a church full of people of all ages and backgrounds. And he to would go on FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRR. We used to joke in our house." ...and for your penance, you have to go to church and listen to a Fr. F.....( don't want to use his name) sermon!"
869 posted on 04/26/2002 3:20:53 PM PDT by celtic gal
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To: Mo1
Regarding being tired....LOL.....at daughters, at least half the time I was going to bed about 9:30 P.M.!!! Unbelievable!!! I've gone from being a wanderer around the house til all hours of the morning to a friggin' 9:30 sleepyhead!!!

What a hoot! Between widowhood and hot flashes.....I just puttered around the house til 2:30, 3:30, 4:30....sometimes didn't even hit the sack at all.....

And then after meeting y'all here on the Freeoples threads, that phenomena ended....before I left, it seems like I was fighting to stay up til 10:30!!! And now.....yikes!!!

Daughter thinks it has something to do with living better--i.e., exercising, watching what I eat, and taking vitamins! :) I humor her.......I think its old age!! :)

Just know---I never heard an alarm clock the whole trip---even when I asked for wake-up calls, I beat them to the punch!! LOL.

870 posted on 04/26/2002 3:26:06 PM PDT by Rowdee
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To: sweetliberty
Now I know the worries of all you 24/7 posters.

Always wondered what happened when that addiction was full blown.

Nice list....

Had to bust your overrated funkle this lunch time...

Sorry...

:-)

871 posted on 04/26/2002 3:31:12 PM PDT by Windshark
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To: Mo1
You all were very religious earlier....
872 posted on 04/26/2002 3:32:10 PM PDT by Windshark
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To: Rowdee
You're back! Everything ok?
873 posted on 04/26/2002 3:32:55 PM PDT by Windshark
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To: sweetliberty
Thank you, ma'am....sure enjoyed the coolness of Flagstaff, all those pine trees, and crossing the Grand Canyon at the North Rim.....it was pretty on the other side, too..

Think I've found a couple of places to check out as to livability.

Of course, Phoenix was totally unbelievable....we had a good laugh--or was that a cry--we found the apartment building I lived in back in 1967.

For sure, I don't like lots of traffic.....sort of like, 'I hate it'.....but the folks in Phoenix drive better than the LA drivers, and the Salt Lake area freeway drivers seemed better than Phoenix freeway drivers.....me....I prefer state highways and byways....:)

Got to see my first (and last) Frazier program.

Saw that Bachelor program thingy at my Moms (go figure!) and Weak Links and some sort of grand race and some program about teams surviving.....other than than, we were either busy or watching Diamondback baseball--and surprisingly, I enjoyed watching baseball again.

874 posted on 04/26/2002 3:33:09 PM PDT by Rowdee
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To: ValerieUSA
You don't like James?

Hehehehe....

875 posted on 04/26/2002 3:33:57 PM PDT by Windshark
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To: Rowdee;Mo1;ValerieUSA;Celtic Gal;.38sw;Darlin';letitring
Here's one the ladies will appreciate:

There is nothing I like better than to grab a cup of coffee, sit at the computer, and chat with my online friends. The internet provides a little sanity in my otherwise insane existence, but the costs can add up. The average charge for an internet connection, according to my unscientific polling, is about $25.00 per month for a flat-rate connection. Some providers still charge a per-minute rate, which can be exorbitant.

No way will I relinquish my connection when money's tight. I've gone to great lengths to save money and justify the expense to my spouse. Desperate times call for desperate measures! Here are some tips to raise funds for your monthly internet bill:

Scrounge for change under the sofa cushions, behind the refrigerator, in the laundry, and even out of the vacuum cleaner bag if necessary. You may be surprised at the hidden wealth you have waiting for you. Save money on chocolate by pilfering through your kid's Easter baskets and Halloween stash. You could be saving on their dental bills at the same time.

Become environmentally conscious. Send the kids out to collect aluminum cans from the road side. They'll get a great cardiovascular workout, and you'll be alone in the house for a while. Save money on those high-priced designer cereals. Tell the children that Batman eats corn flakes and the prize is good health. Reduce brain rot in your children by canceling the cable–besides, you have your computer and they can read a book.

Confiscate your husband's pocket change. If he notices, blame the kids. Charge your husband every time you have to do a chore on his "honey-do" list. This will reduce the amount of money he can waste on poker or beer with his friends. Fine your offspring 10 cents each time they whine the "M" word. Add the proceeds to the "curse" jar.

Nothing is more important to me than my sanity tie to the outside world. As I sit here, rolling my pennies, I wonder if other mommies covet their connection too. Judging from the number of buddies on my favorite message boards, I'd say I'm in good company.

I'll sacrifice my Lean Cuisine, forego the membership to the gym, and even think about selling a kidney, but I refuse to hand over my internet connection (or my Midol) without a fight.

876 posted on 04/26/2002 3:35:08 PM PDT by sweetliberty
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To: Prentice
"Had to bust your overrated funkle this lunch time... Sorry... "

SURE you are!

877 posted on 04/26/2002 3:41:22 PM PDT by sweetliberty
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To: sweetliberty
I had dreams of beaches, surf, tropical breezes....

Got surrounded again by....

Oops....gotta stop divulging these things....

:-)

878 posted on 04/26/2002 3:45:42 PM PDT by Windshark
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To: Prentice
James? You're on a first name basis with Carville? *L*
879 posted on 04/26/2002 3:50:12 PM PDT by ValerieUSA
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To: ValerieUSA
I just wanted to yank thy chain (getting in the mood for a religious discussion here), fair one.

He is deeesgusting....and just plain no good.

880 posted on 04/26/2002 3:54:00 PM PDT by Windshark
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