Posted on 04/23/2002 7:04:16 PM PDT by Mo1
Freeoples ....
Thread 303
I like this one .. LOL
Just don't do anything that might leave marks
SO9
You know it's time to turn your computer off and read a book when:
Either way ... I'm not to bothered .. I'm sure she is very nice .. but I can't stand her choice in husband
You know you've been on the computer too much when you get a letter from your doctor like this:
Horace Duhnno
12 Connect Street
Webville, OH 24487
Dear Mr. Duhnno,
Upon reviewing the test results and x-rays regarding your symptoms discussed during your examination on 5/18/99, I have been able to determine the cause and treatment for each of your symptoms as follows:
The inability to straighten the fingers on your right hand is not the result of the work related accident in March. The x-rays reveal the same curvature in the bone structure that is associated with holding your mouse. Please use the keyboard and function keys for a period of at least 7 days, allowing the muscles and tendons to heal.
The results of the blood work has revealed the cause of your stomach disorder is styrafoam consumption. Although this is an expeditious and effortless way of eating, please avoid over heating this material to prevent consumption of the product.
The culture we did on your urinary system has confirmed that the repeated infections are the result of failure to relieve yourself as we discussed. Please excuse yourself from the chat room and frequent the bath room when necessary. If the antiseptic cream is not healing the zipper injury you experienced during your hasty return to the computer, please contact the office for a different medication.
Please adhere to the diet we provided. The meals consisting of potato chips, pizza, and coffee have your potassium level high and we "must" get it under control with proper dieting.
The examination of your eyes and the MRI revealed no causes for the headaches. After giving great thought to your lengthy conversation about your friends and time spent in the chat rooms, might I recommend that you reduce the 6 - 7 hours of chatting per day to a lesser amount of time. This should eliminate the visual strain and stress headaches.
As a treatment for your depression, you might consider establishing more than one email address to provide the volume of incoming messages you seem to be seeking. Also, establishing an ICQ account would provide you another means of instant messaging and increase your "buddy list".
As suspected, the tenderness in your abdomen is a hernia resulting from carrying your computer to technical support and will require immediate surgery. We have scheduled admittance on 6/2/99. As per your request, I have contacted the hospital and am sorry to report that they have no facilities available for internet connection in the recovery nor private rooms. Therefore, it appears that the megafire wireless access will be necessary in order for you access the chat rooms during your hospital stay. Also, public relations has advised they are unable to fulfill your request to notify your "buddy list" once the surgery is complete. Nurse Forshey feels that is a request beyond their capabilities and extends her apology.
The hospital and my staff will be contacting you for additional information necessary for your surgery, so please have your phone line cleared and be prepared to accept incoming calls between 3:00 pm - 4:00 pm tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Dr. J. T. Gates, M.D.
What a hoot! Between widowhood and hot flashes.....I just puttered around the house til 2:30, 3:30, 4:30....sometimes didn't even hit the sack at all.....
And then after meeting y'all here on the Freeoples threads, that phenomena ended....before I left, it seems like I was fighting to stay up til 10:30!!! And now.....yikes!!!
Daughter thinks it has something to do with living better--i.e., exercising, watching what I eat, and taking vitamins! :) I humor her.......I think its old age!! :)
Just know---I never heard an alarm clock the whole trip---even when I asked for wake-up calls, I beat them to the punch!! LOL.
Always wondered what happened when that addiction was full blown.
Nice list....
Had to bust your overrated funkle this lunch time...
Sorry...
:-)
Think I've found a couple of places to check out as to livability.
Of course, Phoenix was totally unbelievable....we had a good laugh--or was that a cry--we found the apartment building I lived in back in 1967.
For sure, I don't like lots of traffic.....sort of like, 'I hate it'.....but the folks in Phoenix drive better than the LA drivers, and the Salt Lake area freeway drivers seemed better than Phoenix freeway drivers.....me....I prefer state highways and byways....:)
Got to see my first (and last) Frazier program.
Saw that Bachelor program thingy at my Moms (go figure!) and Weak Links and some sort of grand race and some program about teams surviving.....other than than, we were either busy or watching Diamondback baseball--and surprisingly, I enjoyed watching baseball again.
Hehehehe....
There is nothing I like better than to grab a cup of coffee, sit at the computer, and chat with my online friends. The internet provides a little sanity in my otherwise insane existence, but the costs can add up. The average charge for an internet connection, according to my unscientific polling, is about $25.00 per month for a flat-rate connection. Some providers still charge a per-minute rate, which can be exorbitant.
No way will I relinquish my connection when money's tight. I've gone to great lengths to save money and justify the expense to my spouse. Desperate times call for desperate measures! Here are some tips to raise funds for your monthly internet bill:
Scrounge for change under the sofa cushions, behind the refrigerator, in the laundry, and even out of the vacuum cleaner bag if necessary. You may be surprised at the hidden wealth you have waiting for you. Save money on chocolate by pilfering through your kid's Easter baskets and Halloween stash. You could be saving on their dental bills at the same time.
Become environmentally conscious. Send the kids out to collect aluminum cans from the road side. They'll get a great cardiovascular workout, and you'll be alone in the house for a while. Save money on those high-priced designer cereals. Tell the children that Batman eats corn flakes and the prize is good health. Reduce brain rot in your children by canceling the cablebesides, you have your computer and they can read a book.
Confiscate your husband's pocket change. If he notices, blame the kids. Charge your husband every time you have to do a chore on his "honey-do" list. This will reduce the amount of money he can waste on poker or beer with his friends. Fine your offspring 10 cents each time they whine the "M" word. Add the proceeds to the "curse" jar.
Nothing is more important to me than my sanity tie to the outside world. As I sit here, rolling my pennies, I wonder if other mommies covet their connection too. Judging from the number of buddies on my favorite message boards, I'd say I'm in good company.
I'll sacrifice my Lean Cuisine, forego the membership to the gym, and even think about selling a kidney, but I refuse to hand over my internet connection (or my Midol) without a fight.
SURE you are!
Got surrounded again by....
Oops....gotta stop divulging these things....
:-)
He is deeesgusting....and just plain no good.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.