Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[Salvation]

Because they do not view their marriage as sacramental and blessed by God.

[Aggie Mama]

No kidding! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has noticed.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Not only do we have " All Women are Scum Day" I think today is honorary " Men can do what they want, get over it, babe."

[Aggie Mama]

And don't forget to put some ice on it.

[poweqi]

me thinks you might have trouble with relationships, you have a lot of gender related items on your profile page are you a woman?

[poweqi]

You condone adultry? You're an idiot and I hope your wife, if you have one, dosen't get hurt by you.

[poweqi]

adultry= adultery

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I think he needs to party with Mackattack's boyfriend. They both think exactly alike. They both say that women are to be used until something ' hotter' comes along."

I wonder about the kind of women who stay with men who treat them like blow up dolls.

[LN2Campy]

Not only do we have " All Women are Scum Day" I think today is honorary " Men can do what they want, get over it, babe."

Hey red, what's with the "LIFETIME" Network attitude?? You don't seem your usual spunky self!!! Cheer up, cookie! Don't forget, somewhere here in NYS there's a big Italian guy mooning over you...

[LN2Campy]

I never did anything behind anyone's back. Marriages and relationships are VERY complex, and there are different arrangements that work for different peoples' situations. I'm not going to cast stones.

[marajade]

I think they did because I got freepmail from at least one other person they understood it that way too.

[mwl1]

Given our humanness, it is very hard to remain faithful to someone who uses sex as a weapon for 17 years and is the meanest, most hateful, most abusive and most despicable person you've ever known in your life. I am the product of 17 years of emotional abuse in my household, despite my best and successful efforts to provide a comfortable, upper middle class living as the sole financial provider. She has withheld sex now for more than 6 months. I cannot even fathom what a normal sex life might be like. I am in counseling; she refuses to go; all the problems are mine, I am told. She screams from sun-up to sundown, weekends until midnight. And I have two wonderful children to protect from her.

Whether I have cheated or not is no one's business, but I will say this: if I murdered her tomorrow, no jury that knew the whole truth would ever convict me.

[marajade]

Why did you ever marry her? For sex?

[poweqi]

17 years of abuse? what are you waiting for? You need to be in counseling to find out why you are staying.

[mwl1]

I am staying because of my children.

[Donzerly lights]

She sounds like a nightmare and I admire your dedication to your children. But she doesn't sound very happy either. Why is she staying in the marriage?

[mwl1]

I guess she is content to stay because she has all the power, all the manipulation, all the control, and a very comfortable standard of living.

[Donzerly lights]

How old are the kids?

[mwl1]

Kids are 14 and 10.