8 Questions Husbands Should Always Plead The 5th To

The Bee ^ | Jul 29, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

You may have recently realized that prominent figures can easily slide off the hook by pleading the Fifth Amendment, but did you know it's possible to plead the Fifth at home as well? Husbands, stop incriminating yourselves by simply pleading the Fifth when faced when any of these eight questions:

1. "If I die first, how long until you remarry?": There is no answer here that does not lead to your untimely death.

2. "Am I becoming like my mother?": Brother, this is why the Fifth Amendment was invented.

3. "Are you sad you married me and not my sister Rachel?": Keep your mouth shut, Jacob.

4. "Are you thinking about the Roman Empire right now?": No way. Totally locked into that anniversary dinner.

5. "Why did you order me extra lettuce on my Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme?": Now is not the time to say "for poops and giggles."

6. "Did you know that COVID leaked from a lab while simultaneously trying to silence those who said so in order to protect yourself because you funded said lab?": We have it on good legal authority you should go with the Fifth.

7. "Sydney Sweeney's not even that hot, right?": Plead the Fifth, then start running.

8. "Why are you laughing at that Babylon Bee list of eight questions husbands should always plead the Fifth to?": Uh-oh.

Never testify against yourself again with this one, simple trick. Let us know in the comments any other questions you find yourself pleading the Fifth to.

[Thank You Rush]

““No, the dress doesn’t make you look fat, it’s the fat that makes you look fat.””

I thought that would be among the others - surprised it wasn’t....probably the most common one!!

[Thank You Rush]

“”He replies because she is left handed.””

LOL - planning ahead, huh????

[NorthMountain]

I told my wife and also my 3 daughters that if they asked an honest question, they would receive an honest answer.

You're a wise man. We do not have to tolerate emotional abuse ... and this whole business of being on eggshells lest we answer a dishonest question "wrongly" is very much emotional abuse.

Gentlemen: we neither date nor marry abusers. Find out early in the relationship (first date is ideal) what sort of woman you're dealing with. If she's manipulative or abusive ... dump her.

[dfwgator]

Gentlemen: we neither date nor marry abusers. Find out early in the relationship (first date is ideal) what sort of woman you’re dealing with. If she’s manipulative or abusive ... dump her.

---

I recommend the “Dutch Oven Test”.

[Thank You Rush]

You need more practice, I see....

[21twelve]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IiICcSH8iY

Above is a short video with Jimmy Steward telling his funniest joke. (With the golf clubs).

[big truck]

Well, I also informed them that “yes” and “no” are perfectly acceptable answers to 98% of all questions asked.

I told them that my answers do not take feelings into account. I rationally/strategically consider the options as the situation warrants and make my decisions accordingly. If they want feelings, that what their girlfriends are for.

[MikelTackNailer]

Almost word for word, my friend.

[NorthMountain]

👍

[frank ballenger]

Ask Eve about lie detection.

Now that's a great point.

[FamiliarFace]

There’s only one correct answer to that question. Yes.

[FamiliarFace]

What’s that! Whether or not the girl can cook a great meal in one pot?

[Organic Panic]

“If I die first, how long until you remarry?”

NEVER