8 Shocking Things Artemis II Found On The Far Side Of The Moon

The Bee ^ | Apr 7, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

The dark side of the moon has long been the subject of myth and speculation. What mysteries lie beyond the known lunar surface in that dark realm beyond our telescopes?

Now, The Babylon Bee can reveal what the crew of the Artemis II mission discovered on the other side of the moon:

1. Rocks: Lots and lots of rocks.

2. A Starbucks: Man, they really are everywhere.

3. 1,000,000,000 Mylar birthday balloons: So that's where they all end up.

4. A Somali daycare: The owner says it has a huge client base and is totally legit.

5. A Shohei Ohtani home run ball: Not even Earth's atmosphere can contain his power.

6. Several boxes labeled "Epstein Files": Someone must have been trying really hard to keep these from being found.

7. Amelia Earhart: Always the last place you'd think to look.

8. The Chinese moon base that's been there for years: Ope! Sorry, didn't know anyone was already here.

What an incredible treasure trove of amazing artifacts. What else did you expect them to find?

[z3n]

Pow!
It's before my time but I still get the reference.

More things Artemis found on the dark side:

Biden's brain

Obama's Birth Cert

Hilary's cell phones and email server

[PGalt]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Moon

[alancarp]

171,358 pieces of lost luggage with United Airlines tags.

[PIF]

Lots of weird, tall, odd looking structures built by and for cats. Where they go when they can’t be found, home with a really neat playground and great views.

[exnavy]

My car keys, always the last place...

[Sirius Lee]

Artemis 2 found James West 2 disguised as Jim West 1, but with a mustache.

[Getready]

Cesar Chavezs and Eric Swallwells morals.

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

[Beowulf9]

Wait! We thought we were millions of miles from Earth!?

[Paul R.]

Well, in the album “Dark Side of the Moon”, the Moon was an allegory for Sid Barrett’s “lunacy”. So, really, that would sort of fit, for these 8 items and other FR suggestions!

[central_va]

The lunatic is on the grass.

[wally_bert]

Remains of countless Eagle ships wrecked and laying about.

[RetiredArmy]

Danger, danger, Will Robinson!

[al_c]

For my friends in Florida ...
If you know, you know.

[fidelis]

Green cheese. I guess we can finally put that one to rest.

[Jan_Sobieski]

Green Screens

[Merrick]

It’s simple English. The English word “dark” has more than one meaning - one of which is “not illuminated.” That’s the one everyone seems to focus on when hearing the phrase, “dark side of the moon.” But that is not, and never was, the intended meaning of the phrase. The phrase goes back to the 17th century at least, and quite possibly earlier, and shortly after it was realized that the Earth is a sphere and, therefore, the moon is a sphere as well. But, somehow, we only ever see one side (which we now understand to mean that the moon is tidally locked in its orbit of Earth).

In the same timeframe that the phrase “dark side of the moon” first entered the English language the phrase “dark continent” to describe Africa also came into common usage. No one, ever, thought the sun didn’t shine on Africa - quite the opposite. What was meant by “dark continent” was “unknown continent” since - at that time - little was known about Africa. And since nothing was known about the far side of the moon, that was the meaning of the phrase “dark side of the moon” to describe the far side we didn’t know.

I completely understood this as a child. Don’t they teach stuff like this anymore?

[NorthMountain]

They missed the Harbor Freight Tools shop ...

[Merrick]

But Pink Floyd understood this. “there is no dark side of the moon, really... as a matter of fact it’s all dark.”

[left that other site]

After careful REFLECTION, I concur.