8 Coolest Perks Of Becoming The New Ayatollah

The Bee ^ | Mar 18, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

The hottest job on the market right now is being the Iranian Ayatollah, but why is everyone suddenly buzzing about it? Here are just eight of the most incredible perks that come with being the new Supreme Leader:

1. Neat hat that can easily hide a bag of Cheetos: Very few jobs out there right now offering Cheeto hats.

2. Free pagers: People will literally just give them to you.

3. Job is secure even if you lose your legs: How many careers can say that?

4. Can issue fatwas against anyone who annoys you: Telemarketer calls during dinner -- fatwa. Falafel truck adds too much spice -- fatwa.

5. Fantastic 401k match: Anyone who makes it a year gets a generous ten percent match. Wow!

6. You can force political prisoners to put on a production of RENT, if that's your thing: Not even Google offers that.

7. Get to text personally with Tucker Carlson: So cool.

8. Guaranteed early retirement: This just keeps getting better.

With all these amazing benefits, it's no wonder everyone is chattering about becoming the next Ayatollah.

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: ayatollah; ayatollahpotato; ayatollahsideofbacon; babylonbee; iran; irgc; mojtabakhamenei; perks; satire; tuckercarlson

[dayglored]

The line forms to the Left....

[dayglored]

Cheetos in the hat, baby! Glenn Beck is wetting his panties!

[ryderann]

The prettiest goats.

[redfreedom]

Get to keep the job for the rest of your life, guaranteed.

[Steely Tom]

The prettiest goats.

I push back.

[AZJeep]

70 virgins, soon!