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Secret Service Director Assures Nation She Wasn't Trying To Get Trump Killed, She's Just Extremely Incompetent
Babylon Bee ^ | 7-16-2024 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/17/2024 12:36:41 PM PDT by TChad

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a heartfelt address to the American people today, Director of the Secret Service Kimberly Cheatle assured the nation that she wasn't trying to get Trump assassinated, stating instead that she's just very highly incompetent.

Cheatle's statement follows a host of speculations about potential foul play or intentional negligence on the part of the Secret Service, which prompted her to clarify that her failings stem from being bad at her job, not from any ill-will towards Donald Trump.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; conspiracy; kimberlycheatle; satire; secretservice
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Hey, this might be possible. In theory.
1 posted on 07/17/2024 12:36:41 PM PDT by TChad
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To: TChad

Either way, she’s incompetent. But if you look back at the history of the United States US presidents have always had terrible protection. James Garfield was shot at the train station, people thought that the only reason Abraham Lincoln was assassinated was the civil War so it couldn’t possibly happen again.


2 posted on 07/17/2024 12:39:31 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: TChad

The Bee, botching it again with their “satire.”


3 posted on 07/17/2024 12:39:45 PM PDT by fwdude ( Never trust a movement whose symbol is a raised fist.)
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To: TChad

DEI Hires cause people to DIE.


4 posted on 07/17/2024 12:40:18 PM PDT by 1Old Pro
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To: TChad

My Mom thinks the best scenario is that Biden and DHS knew something might happen to Trump, deliberately did not give him extra security..their mindset “if someone offs him, good riddance”


5 posted on 07/17/2024 12:41:52 PM PDT by Sarah Barracuda
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To: TChad
More

'Welp, Nothing We Can Do Now,' Sighs Secret Service After Assassin Climbs On Modestly Sloped Roof

Secret Service Beefs Up Trump’s Security With Squad Of Blind Midgets

‘Let’s Settle This At The Ballot Box,’ Says Party That Tried To Kick Trump Off Ballots

How CNN Reported 7 Famous Assassinations Throughout History

6 posted on 07/17/2024 12:45:54 PM PDT by mykroar ("It's Not the Nature of the Evidence; It's the Seriousness of the Charge." - El Rushbo)
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To: Sarah Barracuda

Your mom is right on the money.


7 posted on 07/17/2024 12:46:18 PM PDT by Beowulf9
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To: TChad

Yeah, I don’t think this is satire.


8 posted on 07/17/2024 12:46:55 PM PDT by Fai Mao ( The US government is run by pedophiles and Perverts for pedophiles and perverts.)
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To: TChad

Babylon Bee is kinda like SNL whose target audience is neither brainwashed or brain dead.


9 posted on 07/17/2024 12:50:56 PM PDT by Biblebelter
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To: Sarah Barracuda

A wise friend of mine said that if he had been taken out before the convention then the covention would be open, hence why he quickly announced vance for vp — to secure the future of maga should they succeed.


10 posted on 07/17/2024 12:51:18 PM PDT by Jaysin (Trump can't be beat, unless the democrats cheat)
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To: Fai Mao
Yeah, I don’t think this is satire.

It's too charitable to Cheatle. No one is that incompetent.

11 posted on 07/17/2024 1:03:05 PM PDT by TChad
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To: TChad

Indeed she needs to back to work at Pepsi or a car wash.


12 posted on 07/17/2024 1:05:55 PM PDT by Vaduz
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To: TChad

Cheatle’s wife is not going to like what you posted.


13 posted on 07/17/2024 1:07:42 PM PDT by Liz (This then is how we should pray : Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name . )
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To: TChad
Comedian David Frye as Richard Nixon:

I accept the responsibility but not the blame. Let me explain the difference. Those who are to blame lose their jobs. Those who are responsible do not.


Richard Nixon: A Fantasy by David Frye (1973)

-PJ

14 posted on 07/17/2024 1:09:13 PM PDT by Political Junkie Too ( * LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
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To: All

Interesting story I read about Lincoln’s assassination...that night he was going to attend with US Grant and his wife, and where ever Grant traveled he had a military escort...problem was the wives hated each other so Grant declined attending...


15 posted on 07/17/2024 1:10:55 PM PDT by DHerion
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To: TChad

As usual the Bee is more on target than the general media. That really is the choice we are confronting.


16 posted on 07/17/2024 1:19:33 PM PDT by EnderWiggin1970
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To: Liz
Cheatle’s wife is not going to like what you posted.

I'd rather think of Cheatle as being simply incompetent, and maybe I'll get there eventually, but right now I think she should be charged with assisting with an assassination attempt.

17 posted on 07/17/2024 1:20:56 PM PDT by TChad
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To: TChad

I thought the bee is satire. This sound like a true special report. I hope they don’t quit their regular day job.


18 posted on 07/17/2024 1:22:50 PM PDT by Equine1952
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To: TChad

I love The Bee, they’re always looking for the best in people!


19 posted on 07/17/2024 1:22:52 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (Celebrate Decivilization)
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To: TChad

At the bare minimum she screwed up her job description.


20 posted on 07/17/2024 1:28:47 PM PDT by Liz (This then is how we should pray : Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name . )
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