Armless, Legless Biden Claims Debate Defeat Just A Flesh Wound

Babylon Bee ^ | Jun 29, 2024 | Babylon Bee

[dayglored]

ATLANTA, GA — With both of his arms and legs cut clean off by the end of the debate, President Biden has continued to insist that the defeat was "merely a flesh wound."

"Come back here and take what's coming to you, Donald! I'll bite your legs off!" shouted Biden. "Joe Biden always triumphs!"

According to sources, Trump had encouraged the overmatched Biden to simply step aside, but Biden refused to do so despite losing one limb after the other. "Joe, you've got no arms left, believe me. Very sad, No-Arms Joe," said Trump. "Not going to shoot too well on the golf course without arms, I'll tell you that. Just admit it, Joe."

"It's a scratch! Look at these arms," cried Biden, waving his stumps around. "I can shoot twenty under par like this! Come back here and fight, you chicken! Chickennn!"

"I'll have your legs, Joe. I don't want to, frankly that sounds terrible," replied Trump. "No legs, can't even walk, not like the people walking across our border, Joe."

"Have at you!" shouted Biden. "I'm invincible!!!!"

At publishing time, Democratic strategists had gently asked the now three-foot-tall Biden if he might make way for a candidate with limbs, but Biden insisted he was barely hurt.

[dayglored]

"NONE SHALL PASS!" - The Bee

Monty Python, for those who don't get it...

[DCBryan1]

It’s but a scratch! ……….ive had worse!

[353FMG]

I am surprised that biden even admits/recognizes that he lost the first debate. According to Dr Jill he did well by answering each question. What a dysfunctional, screwed up family the Bidens are.

[left that other site]

He turned me into NEWT!

[V_TWIN]

I’m no Monty python fan by any stretch but THAT was hilarious

[V_TWIN]

“What a dysfunctional, screwed up family...”

Yeah but their abject criminality makes up for all that right? 😂

[shadowlands1960]

[DCBryan1]

What will you do? Bleed on me?!

[bray]

The iceberg caused no damage at all.

[shadowlands1960]

heh... this one is always fun to watch. I couldn't stop laughing at the Brave Sir Robin Ran Away scene...I miss real comedy.

[dfwgator]

“Alright, we’ll call it a draw!”

[adorno]

A flesh wound would be correct.

A brain wound, or mind wound, could not happen, since there’s nothing there.

[z3n]

Answer me these questions three, or the other side ye not see!

[bgill]

A pudding pop will fix that right up.

[dayglored]

> "Joe, you've got no arms left, believe me. Very sad, No-Arms Joe," said Trump. "Not going to shoot too well on the golf course without arms, I'll tell you that. Just admit it, Joe."

They manage to get Trump's trademark phrasing down perfect.

[joethedrummer]

“..WHAT…. is your favorite flavor ice cream?..”

[hemogoblin]

"You lie!"

"COME ON, YA PANSY!"

[SecondAmendment]

When will the Bee follow up with The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog ?

[dayglored]

> When will the Bee follow up with The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog ?

Maybe they can conflate it with the Easter Bunny leading Joe to safety...

But ultimately, it's gonna be "BRING OUT YER DEAD!" and "But I don't want to go on the cart! I feel fine!"

Pinging Null and Void because it's only a matter of time...

[Jess Kitting]

Looks like he was totally dis-armed and de-feeted.