No, that was Brandon's work, way before my time. But I DID keep a pic of Brandon trying out his new slogan...
Posted on 04/21/2024 6:46:48 PM PDT by DoodleBob
Ah, the office – a place where language goes to get dressed in a suit and tie, only to trip over its own shoelaces. Here are 21 phrases that we’ve all heard ad nauseam, and if we’re being honest, wouldn’t miss if they were banished from the corporate lexicon forever:
#1. “Touch Base”
Because nothing says “I don’t actually play baseball” like using a sports metaphor to schedule a meeting.
#2. “Reach Out”
What are we, in a 90s boy band? Just say “I’ll send you an email” and leave the emotional ballads out of it.
#3. “Circle Back”
Less reminiscent of a productive workplace strategy, more an endless loop of doom where nothing ever gets resolved.
#4. “Synergize”
The verbal equivalent of a corporate trust fall. It’s supposed to mean teamwork but sounds more like a new age retreat.
#5. “Think Outside the Box”
If we had a nickel for every time this was said, we could construct a very large, very square box to trap the phrase in forever.
#6. “Leverage”
Originally a physics term, now just a fancy way of saying “use.” Because why use simple words when you can sound like a Wall Street tycoon?
#7. “Paradigm Shift”
Nothing quite like invoking the cosmos to describe changing the office printer.
#8. “Deep Dive”
Not a thrilling ocean adventure, but an overly long meeting about statistics. Bring a snorkel.
#9. “Bandwidth”
Unless you work at NASA, you’re probably just talking about time. Spoiler: nobody’s downloading you.
#10. “Low-Hanging Fruit”
Great for describing apples, less so for the easily achievable tasks that somehow still aren’t done.
#11. “Move the Needle”
Unless we’re all suddenly DJs, can we agree to just say “make progress”?
#12. “Boil the Ocean”
An epic quest to accomplish the impossible, or just corporate speak for trying to do way too much? You decide.
#13. “Take it Offline”
Because apparently, talking in person is now akin to being in airplane mode.
#14. “Win-Win Situation”
A mythical scenario, much like a unicorn, where everyone is happy and nobody’s spreadsheet gets rejected.
15. “On My Radar”
Unless you’re air traffic control, let’s stick to “I’m aware of it.”
#16. “Ping Me”
Not a game of table tennis, just a request for a message. Sadly, paddles are not involved.
#17. “Drill Down”
A phrase that makes you feel like you’re in for some serious dental work, rather than a closer look at the details.
#18. “Game Changer”
Overused to the point of meaninglessness. Changing the game or just changing the PowerPoint template?
#19. “At the End of the Day”
Spoiler: It’s night. Also, a filler phrase that’s the verbal equivalent of shrugging.
#20. “It’s on My Plate”
Because “I’m working on it” wasn’t foodie enough.
#21. “Ecosystem”
Unless we’re discussing the rainforest, can we agree our office plant doesn’t constitute an ecosystem?
So, next time you catch yourself using one of these phrases, take a moment to laugh, then say what you mean. After all, clear communication is the key to success, not the ability to speak in buzzwords.
Let’s get rid of existential threat, top of mind, and systemic anything while we’re at it!
“My bad “ drives me nuts..”
I AGREE!
I drive for a living. After hearing my dispatcher mention on several occasions, that he was going to ‘reach out’ to a customer (meaning telephone a customer), I asked how long he would be, as we do need someone in the dispatch office.
He was not amused, but refrained from using that horrid phrase.
No. 22, “ reach consensus “
I can honestly say I never participated in this silliness but I sure heard a lot of it. A few compatriots and I created a game called BS Bingo and secretly handed out bingo cards to our strategic allies at the beginning of conferences. Instructions were to sound out with “Bull S—t!” when the player had filled his card spelling out these words based on matching silly phrases used by the meeting participants. The corporate speak players never did figure out what we were doing.
No, that was Brandon's work, way before my time. But I DID keep a pic of Brandon trying out his new slogan...
“Do the needful”
Now that’s a new one. Is that an Asian thing?
:-)
CÂLICE DU TABERNAK!
“...someone on Fox delivered herself of three trite expressions in one sentence.”
So VP Harris was a guest on the show?
She’s probably watching this thread closely getting ready for her next speech.
I never heard of those two either…who made those up??
Add “Restorative justice.”
I would think the opposite.
“Gimme crack corn, and I don’t care...my master’s gone away.”
I suppose in that case, “cracked corn” doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well....too dry, I suppose.
Does Boilerplate count?
Related...”mindshare” — UGH!!
Somebody give me a reason to hate “stake holders”. That was a new one for me, but it makes sense (everyone who has a “stake” in the project - owner, contractors, community, etc.). I just don’t like it for some reason.
21. We need to Socialize this to our customers.
That makes my heard hurt. Just say “tell them”.
(Boil The Ocean)
Now you’ve gone and done it.
A whole bunch of crazy Liberals are, at this very moment,
bowing and chanting in front of little statues of St. Greta the Bridge Troll.
How dare you!!
😜
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