Posted on 01/04/2023 9:56:49 AM PST by Lazamataz
Recently, I lost a friend of over 40 years. It was his choice to terminate our friendship.
We had known eachother since college. We reconnected on Facebook for many years, about 12, and rather suddenly tore into me for a variety of criticisms.
A little background on him: He recently lost his wife of 30+ years then promptly got covid. I offered my condolences and told him he could reach out for anything at all. Then, upon hearing nothing back, I left him be.
I noticed him corresponding more and more with a younger Facebook girl. No worries, not my business.
I wrote a simple little post about Jesus not returning anytime soon and this girl (I'll call her Amy) got into a big tirade with me and other people, expressing she hated religion, didn't believe in Christ, and called people who did a 'disease' and a 'pestilence'. I didn't much like that, unfriended her, and eventually blocked her. In the meantime, my old college friend expressed some of the same sentiments, even tually posting outright blasphemes. Told him I was none too fond of all that.
Well, he responds with all sorts of attacks.
I'm "too long-winded' and he never reads my political essays." Ok, fine.
I'm "occasionally funny but I try too hard." Actually, it's quite the opposite. I post what makes ME laugh. If you laugh, fine, if you don't, that wasn't my intent anyways.
I "think I'm so damned smart." I'm aware I'm slightly above average but there are plenty of people smarter than me.
I "slept with his college girlfriend Joyce." Um, no. Joyce was exceptionaly beautiful and I have always been average looking. Even if I had been inclined to try, she never would have even considered me.
All this was out of left field. No idea what provoked his attacks and his decision to terminate our friendship. I did find out that this Amy chick apparently was his go-to person in dealing with the grief of losing his wife. She apparently considers herself a Wiccan witch. Not healthy, but not my business.
So I am left with a friendship of over 40 years, destroyed. I have experienced some stages of grief over it. But I will (and I have to) accept it.
Well ... There's your problem, right there.
But we still tolerate you, Bro' because you iz DA BOMB!
”If the LORD be with me, it matters little who may desert me. If the LORD be with me, I shall conquer in the battle of life, and the greater my trials the more glorious will be my victory.”
That’s a silly sanity test. Everyone knows he’d hit all threee of them.
Here is my sound off Laz. I enjoy reading your posts and your humor and the humor it has inspired.
I don’t post much but it’s the humor and smarts here that keeps me coming back. You included.
I think it is from trying to have a challenging relationship through writing.
In real life I can and do have friendships with atheists, homos and lesbians, liberals, lowlifes, ex-girlfriends, all kinds of people, because in person you can argue, and debate ideas while laughing, winking, cajoling, clinking wine glasses, breaking the tension, changing the subject, making self-effacing jokes and admissions, all kinds of ways to bond and show respect (and have fun) while discussing ideas, and it is easy to say ‘enough of that for tonight, let’s go play some pool and get drunk’.
You are a superb writer, but perhaps you need to call your friend and at least speak in person if you can’t visit each other.
Sorry for your loss.
Look at it this way- You didn’t lose a friend, HE DID. And that loss is so much greater.
I do Laz, more FB than here though.
Not sure if you know much about One Guy, but You’ve Got A Friend In New Jersey, Laz.
I’m in the process of putting a scope on an M1A...
Looking at a 4-16×42 Vortex Diamondback any Suggestions?
What range to Zero?
.
And a High Power rifle will take your
Mind off of losing a friend!
Maybe, but a truly intelligent person knows your beliefs and would refrain from gratuitously "testing" you to see how you react. Call her what she is. A bully.
The Unfounded Diagnosis Section:
Depressed people tend to lose their senses of humour and perspective, separate from old friends, and seek out negative ideas and people to make themselves feel (and be) as awful as possible.
Amy sounds very toxic and exudes vicious negativity. Your erstwhile friend hasn’t connected with her by accident. He is slamming you with nasty assessments and unfounded accusations designed to drive you away. He doesn’t get your sense of humour, because he doesn’t have one at present.
The Worthless Advice Section:
If my guess is right, don’t torment yourself trying to fix him. He has to do that himself, if he and time can. An offer of friendship no matter what, and help whenever he’s ready (then move on, maybe check in every few months), is your best move.
Some walked away from me, however, in hindsight this turned out to be a blessing.
Some I walked away from because they became, or I finally realized they mostly always were toxic.
Maybe some of this comes with age and wisdom in better perspectives, but FOR ABSOLUTE certain, I’ve noticed that society has changed for the worse the last two years.
Best wishes.
Maybe there is a home Bible study, or men’s group through your church where you can befriend like minded travelers and brethren?
(Please see the short commentary on my about page)
Your scope choice is pretty good. Don’t use the Springfield scope mounting kit; for, it loosens and falls off after a few shots. I zero to 100yds. I am not doing any longer range shooting with these old eyes.
And a real good friend has access to a backhoe and thousands of acres.
Greatly appreciated 🙏
I connected with some long range .22
Rimfire fans and I’m as far into That as I want to go. I’ve got others to Pamper!
.
Laz needs a Hobby an .22s’ are fun!
Cheers.
I would be concerned with the degree of influence this Amy so called Wiccan seems to have over your ex-friend while he is in a most vulnerable state. Grief can make dealing with everyday decisions difficult let alone the more complicated ones that are part of losing a spouse. Things that can have huge financial consequences if badly done. Is it possible she is encouraging his dependency and pushing him to isolate friends?
If you can reach out to any of his family members you might want to tell them what happened and see if this is happening to to them and other friends. Not saying you need to renew the friendship. Outright attacks on your faith and blasphemy are pretty much a sign to shut that door.
Seems like the trash took itself out.
Nah. He's not trash. Just misguided and apparently quite judging.
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