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Galactic Empire Requests Amnesty For Anyone Who May Have Gotten Carried Away And Blown Up A Planet
BabylonBee.com ^ | 11-1-2022 | Babylon Bee Staff

Posted on 11/02/2022 5:00:33 AM PDT by servo1969

CORUSCANT — Acknowledging past decisions that, while well intended, were destructive, and learning a ragtag team of rebels might win again, the Galactic Empire has proposed amnesty for anyone who may have gotten a little carried away and blown up several planets.

"This is supposed to be a happy galaxy. Let's not bicker and argue about who annihilated whose planet," wrote Grand Moff Ardus Kaine in a guest opinion piece published by The Atlantic after polls showed destroying Alderaan just to get a politician to squeal did not sit well with the galaxy's citizens. "Oopsies happen. Forgive and forget, I always say."

Kaine expounded on the need to forgive those who were forced to decide to erase entire systems from the galactic map while not having all of the information available at the time. He went on to advocate celebrating the moments in which only single reactors were used by Death Stars to vaporize millions of lives in mere seconds when multiple reactors could have easily been used.

"We have to put these fights aside and declare a planetary destruction amnesty. We can forgive the hard calls that people had no choice but to make with imperfect knowledge. Moving on is crucial now, because blowing up planets created many problems that we still need to solve. Together."

When asked to comment about Grand Moff Kaine's amnesty proposal, the residents of Horuz, Kessel's moon, and Alderaan gave no reply.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: amnesty; babylonbee; covid; satire

LET’S DECLARE A PANDEMIC AMNESTY
We need to forgive one another for what we did and said when we were in the dark about COVID.
By Emily Oster

1 posted on 11/02/2022 5:00:33 AM PDT by servo1969
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To: servo1969

I know it’s the Bee ... but Emily’s piece was not a joke, nor was it funny. I posted this on another thread .... worth repeating:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Qiviut: This article suggesting/calling for ‘pandemic amnesty’ REALLY pi$$ed me off. Evidently, it had the same effect on some other folks as well. The answer about amnesty Emily is NO ... H.E.Double Hockey Sticks NO. Here are links to pieces I’ve seen on Emily’s ‘amnesty’ piece. Randy Weingarten, head of the teacher’s union thinks amnesty is a good idea, too - the criminals are starting to ‘run scared’ all of a sudden.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Leftist Professor Writing for Atlantic Magazine Wants to Let Bygones be Bygones and Accept a “Pandemic Amnesty” – Sorry, Not Happening
https://theconservativetreehouse.com/blog/2022/10/31/leftist-professor-writing-for-atlantic-magazine-wants-to-let-bygones-be-bygones-and-accept-a-pandemic-amnesty-sorry-not-happening/

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“You Murderous Hypocrites”: Outrage Ensues After The Atlantic Suggests ‘Amnesty’ For Pandemic Authoritarians
https://www.zerohedge.com/political/you-murderous-hypocrites-outrage-ensues-after-atlantic-suggests-amnesty-pandemic

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A Lost Small Town
Running Errands in the Wake of Emotional Violence, USA
https://naomiwolf.substack.com/p/a-lost-small-town

Beautiful piece of writing by Nomi Wolf ....


2 posted on 11/02/2022 5:05:31 AM PDT by Qiviut (I'm not out of control, I'm just not in their control.)
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To: servo1969

Come on, Jack, no one blanks with a Biden! I did the Kessell Run with Darth Barrack’s Wookie, Mike-El. Yeah. My son died in the Clone Wars. Darth Pop was a bad dude. Can I sniff you, Princess Leia?


3 posted on 11/02/2022 5:07:13 AM PDT by Alas Babylon! (Rush, we're missing your take on all of this!)
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To: servo1969

“We didn’t know.” —Emily Oyster

Well, Emily, all you had to do was watch Fauci and the rest during that time to see that they never followed the rules they laid down for everyone elee. They went to restaurants; hair-stylists; traveled where they liked when they liked; let cities burn through “mostly peaceful protests” while arresting business owners; forced people out of jobs for not being “vaccinated” while exempting themselves from taking it... Proof enough that it was all a colossal, global lie.


4 posted on 11/02/2022 5:28:36 AM PDT by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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To: servo1969
"...This is supposed to be a happy galaxy. Let's not bicker and argue about who annihilated whose planet," wrote Grand Moff Ardus Kaine in a guest opinion piece..."

Hahahahahahaha! Reminds me of this scene from "Monty Python and The Holy Grail" when Lancelot (John Cleese) slashes and kills a bunch of guests trying to save a maiden from a forced marriage, only to find out is a homosexual man. When the father finds out he is the famous and influential Lancelot, when the other guests want to kill him, he says:

"...This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death..."

5 posted on 11/02/2022 5:38:01 AM PDT by rlmorel (Nolnah's Razor: Never attribute to incompetence that which is adequately explained by malice.)
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To: rlmorel

NO SINGING!


6 posted on 11/02/2022 5:51:27 AM PDT by servo1969
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To: servo1969
"No! No! You can't destroy innocent people! Basketball's a peaceful planet! Please! We have no weapons!"


7 posted on 11/02/2022 5:58:07 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: servo1969

Hahahaha...I just love that. They were so fart ahead of their time!

“YOU’RE NOT GOING INTO A SONG WHILE I’M HERE!”


8 posted on 11/02/2022 6:01:14 AM PDT by rlmorel (Nolnah's Razor: Never attribute to incompetence that which is adequately explained by malice.)
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To: dfwgator

LOL, the coffee rolls on the side of the head...brilliant!


9 posted on 11/02/2022 6:04:51 AM PDT by rlmorel (Nolnah's Razor: Never attribute to incompetence that which is adequately explained by malice.)
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To: rlmorel

10 posted on 11/02/2022 6:45:42 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: servo1969

11 posted on 11/02/2022 8:01:40 AM PDT by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. #FJB)
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To: dfwgator

Chewchilla was hilarious.


12 posted on 11/02/2022 8:16:59 AM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four Fried Chickens and a Coke)
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