The 20 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

rolling stone ^ | DAVID BROWNE & JON DOLAN & BRENNA EHRLICH & MARIA FONTOURA & JOE GROSS & KORY GROW & ANGIE MARTOCCIO

[WeaslesRippedMyFlesh]

It’a that time of year again — that very special season when you can’t walk into a grocery store without getting ambushed by “Jingle Bell Rock” or dive-bombed by Paul McCartney wishing you a “Wonderful Christmastime.” Every artist who ever sells more than two records eventually tries a Christmas tune. The amount of great Christmas music out there is staggering. But along with all that Yuletide goodness comes plenty of Yuletide dreck.

Our list of the worst Christmas songs includes psychotic butcherings of beloved classics, horrific attempts at new standards, hideous novelty tunes, and more. At the family Christmas party in hell, this is what’s on shuffle. All that’s missing is your blowhard uncle up n your face yelling about how Biden stole the election. Happy Holidays!

[j.havenfarm]

“Santa Baby” makes my skin crawl

[the OlLine Rebel]

Apparently the worst Xmas songs are unknown, because they never even made it onto modern endless Xmas stations. People didn’t like lots of Xmas songs so we never hear them.

[uptowngirl]

I know, right? That’s a song that I think I’m supposed to like but really do not.

[Fresh Wind]

That one is truly painful to listen to.

[Ben Dover]

Katy Perry with her version of “White Christmas”. She sounds like she drank a couple bottles of rum. If I were being interrogated and they played this song over and over, I would not only talk but beg for a bullet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISsYT-itoNE&ab_channel=KatyPerry-Topic

[the OlLine Rebel]

Oh, just LOVE the unbiased Rolling Stone telling us about yelling that Biden stole the election.

We could counter with our brothers demanding we get vaccinated…or we’re literally punted out!

[djf]

I HATE that “L’il Drummer Boy” crap!

[WeaslesRippedMyFlesh]

White Christmas - Katy Perry sounding drunk after getting dumped

[WeaslesRippedMyFlesh]

ouch, made the Freeper list - almost to 20

[Ezekiel]

12 Josh Groban feat. Faith Hill, ‘The First Noël’*

When you’re singing “The First Noël” during church on Christmas Eve, it seems pretty innocuous: nice melody, relatively easy to mumble your way through. And that is exactly the source of its badness. That exultant melody is a Trojan horse for what are easily the most trash lyrics in the entire holiday canon: “Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay/In fields where they lay keeping their sheep/On a cold winter’s night that was so deep.” Really? “Was to certain poor shepherds in the fields as they lay”? A “cold winter’s night that was so deep”? Do better, 13th-century Cornish guy who wrote this sh*t. It’s like scratch lyrics...

Oh come on. It makes perfect sense on multiple levels:

The winner is the song everybody loves to hate. Looks like a trip to the Harmony Hut is in order:

1 ‘The Little Drummer Boy’

You’ve heard of the War on Christmas? This song is the sinking of the Lusitania — the atrocity that makes previously peaceful civilians decide this war might be a groovy idea. “The Little Drummer Boy” would be at the top of this list no matter who sings it, even legends like Joan Jett or Bob Seger — the absolute ghastliest of holiday tunes. But Jessica and Ashlee Simpson put all their sisterly power into it, like they’re saying “You already think this thing sucks? Just you wait!” Each “pa-rum-pa pum-pum” is another drop in their musical waterboarding. Respect to the Simpson sisters for making every other “Little Drummer Boy” out there look tame. Christmas, you chose violence. —R.S.

In case anyone ever wondered why Jesus would be in need of a Colt. A true man of peace!

That's the best Christmas song ever. Glad it's number one. The Little Drummer Boy deserves a special place in David's dream Temple, where he can keep playing and playing, forever:

I played my drum for him
Pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for him
Pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum

Then he smiled at me
Pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum

The Little Drummer Boy (Perfect Version)
The Harry Simeone Chorale
Includes:
Do You Hear What I Hear

"Twelve drummers drumming." It's the total round up.

Post 12: "You know a good tune when you hear it."

And don't forget... the ox and lamb kept time, pa'am pa'am pa'am.

@@@

* The place of the first Noel [נואל] is the place where Israel was born:

 

Genesis 32

24 And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.
25 And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.
26 And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.
27 And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.
28 And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.
29 And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.
30 And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.
31 And as he passed over Penuel [פנואל] the sun rose upon him, and he halted upon his thigh.
32 Therefore the children of Israel eat not of the sinew which shrank, which is upon the hollow of the thigh, unto this day: because he touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh in the sinew that shrank.

Which reminds me,

Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel [עם נואל], and ransom captive Israel.
That mourns in lonely exile here, Until the Son of God appear

O come, O come, Emmanuel - (Piano/Cello) - The Piano Guys

***

(I play my best for him.)

[The MAGA-Deplorian]

That was great!

[MotorCityBuck]

My Christmas has now officially begun. 👍😉

[Rocky]

Any such list which does not include Burl Ives singing Holly, Jolly Christmas is just not a legitimate list of all-time worst Christmas songs.

[Joe 6-pack]

If the people who made the list were smart, they're take Lou Monte off of it. Lou might know some people that would teach them a little respect.

If you know what I mean...

[dfwgator]

Where’s Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”?

Dreadful.

[dfwgator]

My Christmas has now officially begun. 👍😉

Only when Hans Gruber falls from Nakatomi Tower.

[Fresh Wind]

'Nother good one...

Get Off My Roof - Jerry & the Landslides

[OldMissileer]

Christmas at Denny's

That is horrendous and it is almost six minutes long!

By the time three minutes was up I wanted to drive hot pokers into my ears.

[Covenantor]

Aside from all the pop atrocities was a Frank Sinatra release I heard in a cab. Old Blue Eyes sounded as though he was stewed, never read the lyrics, never heard the music...off key throughout, stumbled phrasing. Total catastrophe. DJ ‘s intro “ here’s a tune that rarely gets played...”

Just as the cabbie asked me if I minded him killing the volume the DJ cut the song and went into a long apology to his audience. Thankfully I never heard it again.

[ealgeone]

Missing is John Lennon's guilt tripping So this is Christmas

Quite possibly one of the worst songs of all time...past, present and future.

If I owned a radio station the first thing I'd do would be to break that record.