Posted on 10/19/2020 1:05:30 PM PDT by BipolarBob
YAVIN BASE, OUTER RIM—Rebel scum across the galaxy are up in arms after Twitter suspended the account of astromech droid R2-D2 for apparently sharing stolen Imperial plans vital to the survival of the Rebellion. According to sources close to the droid, he has been unable to post anything to Twitter since his suspension last week.
"Here at Twitter, we take the safety and security of the galaxy very seriously," said Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey in a response. "Our sources tell us these are very important schematics to an Imperial superweapon stolen by wanted criminal Jyn Erso and a ragtag band of mercenaries. Our rules clearly state that such sensitive material is not appropriate to be shared on our platform. Anyone caught sharing or attempting to access this information will be permanently suspended and the coordinates of their planet will be given to the Empire. We apologize for our poor communication up to this point."
According to unnamed sources, analysis of the plans has revealed a weakness in the imperial superweapon. Imperial sources have dismissed this as "Rebel misinformation that should be ignored and forgotten immediately."
Representatives in the Imperial Senate were outraged to hear of R2's suspension from Twitter and demanded that Jack be immediately transported to Coruscant for questioning.
Unfortunately, these plans were canceled after the Emperor dissolved the Senate permanen
“I am the Senate!”
Y’all a bunch of sick bastards! Funny as all get out.
Sounds like the Russians at it again.
The NY Slimes objects to this humor!
Bluntly, The Onion is LAME...their headline story? "Trump Attempts To Soften Image Before Election By Adopting Dead Dog". Huh?
Maybe they've lost their funny bone - these disgusting humans posted this Tweet about a 9-yr old actress on Oscar night
Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Quvenzhané Wallis is kind of a c---, right? #Oscars2013.” The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication, according to Steve Hannah, The Onion’s CEO who apologized for the quip yesterday.
“These are not the crack whores you’re looking for.”
ROFL!! Have they locked Princess Leia’s Twitter account yet, for providing R2D2 with hacked material?
so don’t serve their kind ,LOL
Should have open sourced the plans.
Interstellar whack-a-mole.
And I hear that the Democrats are demanding that Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker be prosecuted for receipt of the hacked plans.
On second thought, I just remembered that George doesn’t own the rights anymore, and that Disney has so thoroughly polluted Star Wars with “wokeness” that it probably couldn’t be made much worse.
Star Wars lost its creative spark and freshness after the second installment. Lucas and now Disney continued though to churn out new material and toys, making money hand over fist.
And once again, the Bee hits it out of the park.
Leftists are the most humor challenged people I have ever met.
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