Posted on 09/15/2020 12:10:42 AM PDT by knighthawk
U.S.—In an address to the nation written using letters cut out from a magazine and glued to paper, the Democrats are offering their most persuasive case yet for Biden's election. According to the letter, Democrats have planted booby traps rigged with dynamite all throughout the country, and they are set to explode if Biden is not elected president.
"Why so serious?" said Biden's running mate Kamala Harris. "It's just a little joke! The real joke is Trump, and we're just joining in all the fun! HEE HEE HEE HA HO HA HEE HO!"
"Vote for Biden, or the country you love will be blown sky-high -- HAHAHA!" cackled Nancy Pelosi. "If you don't want to see the Lincoln Memorial, shall we say, in a state of disrepair, you'd better vote for the old, senile man! Ha ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA... fnffff oh, do excuse me... ha ha ha ha ha! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Her heavy makeup smeared down her face as she cried in laughter, making her resemble a clown.
In a statement, Biden's teleprompter reiterated the point. "Threatening topline message: I'm not an agent of chaos," Biden's teleprompter said in a statement to the press. "But there are people out there who will create a lot of chaos if Trump is re-elected. Not that I want that to happen. I would hate to see something bad happen to this country. For your safety, I recommend voting for me. I'd hate for you to wake up with a horse's head in your bed, or a bunch of killer clowns surrounding your house. Just give us what we want. It's for your safety."
Senator Mitt Romney also issued a video statement in support of Biden, flipping a coin and shouting about how blowing up the country would be much better than the bad orange man before he turned to reveal half his face had been burned off in a recent peaceful protest. "You either die a Republican or you live long enough to see yourself become basically a Democrat."
Rep. Jerry Nadler revealed he has planted TNT all throughout the Capitol Building, as he wielded an umbrella and munched on some raw fish.
"A vote for Joe Biden is a vote to not die in an elaborately designed Rube Goldberg-style booby trap rigged with confetti and explosives," said Biden Director of Strategic Communications Kamau Mandela Marshall. "He's just trying to protect you. Let's not blow this out of proportion."
"Madness is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!" Marshall then said as he attempted to push over a statue of Columbus, though it proved to be too heavy.
BOOM BOOM
lol
You know it has gotten to the point where I had to be sure it was Babylon Bee. Replace Democrat with Antifa or BLM and it might be for real
Metaphorically they have done precisely what the title says, satire or not.
This is on the table, I’m sure. Threaten an international incident or hold an American city hostage with a false (or real) threat. They’re just arguing among themselves which city has the most patriots to kill.
Would not put it past them.
Shoot. I’m not too sure this isn’t the truth! After seeing how literally insane the leftists are, I would put nothing past them. The pinkos have completely gone over the cliff.
So did I. The Babylon Bee May be giving them ideas.
QUICK. Someone repackage the explosives into ice cream containers so nancy will take it home and put in her freezer.
The Babylon Bee shouldn’t give the Rats any ideas.
They have also assembled 10,000 kittens. And, God forbid something bad should happen to dem kittens. About dat, alls I’m sayin’ is dat we can’t be held responsible if some people should, like, you know, have a bad reaction to a Republican victory.
Satire? Are you sure about this?
I guess since history is not taught, people don’t remember the FLQ marxists in Canada.
Jeff Bezos will go broke if shipping if targeted.
They aren’t joking.
Democrats Issue Veiled Threat, Vote For Joe Biden Or Cities Burn, Say They Will NOT Concede To Trump
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be60iWavSek
Whew - glad I read the BB as source.
As the rest of the country snickers.
Those of my family and friends who are liberal seem to be falling into two camps. One group seems to be nervous but reticent and see the writing on the wall that Trump very well could win and are talking themselves into acceptance of the fact. The other group seems to be walking around with visible nervous ticks. Quietly seething with bulging and pulsating facial and neck veins and the look on their face is as if someone poured a jar of fire ants down their pants and are just now noticing them. They honestly seem on the edge of implosion with all the bells and whistles. Average everyday people are turning into societal suicide bombers and not even aware of it. I fear there will be collective brain embolism leading to almost a walking dead type scenario. This is truly going to be interesting, but I still pray for our country. One of the biggest weaknesses liberals seem to have is they lack understanding of and underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit, and I see conservatives renewing their faith despite church shut downs, and having more faith and peace concerning our future whether Trump looses or not. These are stark differences to me.
underestimate the
I agree. This is at its heart a spiritual battle and/or Gods judgement upon our nation and the world. Prepare for war and pray for peace.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.