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Top 10 Funniest Puns
sycmu ^ | 3/1/2018 | unknown

Posted on 03/01/2018 10:01:53 AM PST by sodpoodle

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it. 3. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils. 4. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. 5. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. 6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor. 7. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired. 8. Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. 9. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. 10. What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: choices; crying; laughing; puns
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To: sodpoodle

With all the sadness and political trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote ‘The Hokie Pokey’ died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in (of course) ... and then the trouble started.


21 posted on 03/01/2018 10:16:31 AM PST by Rurudyne (Standup Philosopher)
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To: sodpoodle

Did you hear about the cannibal who ate the Pentecostal missionary? Didn’t taste bad, but he kept throwing up his hands.


22 posted on 03/01/2018 10:16:44 AM PST by MayflowerMadam (Have an A-1 day.)
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To: windsorknot

“And how do you make a hormone?”

Don’t pay her.


23 posted on 03/01/2018 10:16:56 AM PST by aomagrat (Gun owners who vote for democrats are too stupid to own guns.)
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To: CrazyIvan

> I thought one of these would make me groan. No pun in ten did. <

Excellent! If you made that up yourself, I’d say you quality for some sort of genius award.


24 posted on 03/01/2018 10:18:19 AM PST by Leaning Right (I have already previewed or do not wish to preview this composition.)
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To: sodpoodle

Thanks!


25 posted on 03/01/2018 10:23:10 AM PST by Rummyfan (In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel.)
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To: Leaning Right

Time’s fun when you’re having flies.


26 posted on 03/01/2018 10:23:43 AM PST by laweeks
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To: sodpoodle
This is funny:

Guy annoys girlfriend with puns at Ikea

27 posted on 03/01/2018 10:25:07 AM PST by real saxophonist ( YouTube + Twitter + Facebook = YouTwitFace.com)
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To: sodpoodle
Here's one I found in a fortune cookie at a Chinese restaurant, "Seven day honeymoon makes whole week". 🤤😛
28 posted on 03/01/2018 10:25:58 AM PST by Impala64ssa (Islamophobic? NO! IslamABHORic)
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To: sodpoodle

I asked a midget for a dollar, but he said - sorry, I’m a little short.


29 posted on 03/01/2018 10:27:40 AM PST by PGR88
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To: sodpoodle

I can tune a piano but I can’t tuna fish. I know, it’s sofa king lame. lol


30 posted on 03/01/2018 10:30:08 AM PST by Phlap (REDNECK@LIBARTS.EDU)
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To: sodpoodle

As a rhetorician, is Bill Clinton a master debater or simply a cunning linguist?


31 posted on 03/01/2018 10:31:43 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (Catastrophic, Anthropogenic Climate Alterations: The acronym explains the science.)
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To: Bob434; trad_anglican

“Time flies like an arrow- fruit flies like a banana”

I don’t see that all fruit flies like a banana. A round fruit like an orange or an apple should fly better with the same impetus. A heavy fruit like a ripe watermelon shouldn’t fly as well with the same impetus.


32 posted on 03/01/2018 10:31:55 AM PST by KrisKrinkle (Blessed be those who know the depth and breadth of their ignorance. Cursed be those who don't.)
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To: Rurudyne
Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote ‘The Hokie Pokey’ died peacefully at the age of 93.

What if 'The Hokey Pokey' really IS what it's all about?

33 posted on 03/01/2018 10:32:44 AM PST by dfwgator
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To: sodpoodle

This just in: The guy who fell into the upholstering machine is now fully recovered.


34 posted on 03/01/2018 10:32:48 AM PST by j.havenfarm ( 1,000 Posts as of 8/11/17! Still not shutting up after all these years!)
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To: sodpoodle

Student said to the teacher, “If that’s one of your ‘quizies’, I’d hate to see one of your ‘testies’.


35 posted on 03/01/2018 10:34:16 AM PST by Track9 (If you want peace, kill your enemies.)
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To: CrazyIvan

LOL!


36 posted on 03/01/2018 10:34:40 AM PST by golux
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To: upchuck

Chicago landscapers are like fine cigars, the best ones come from Ecuador.


37 posted on 03/01/2018 10:36:59 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (Catastrophic, Anthropogenic Climate Alterations: The acronym explains the science.)
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To: sodpoodle

Mr. RR always makes me coffee in the morning because it is a commandment in the Bible. Hebrews.

Not really a pun.

I enjoy your posts. Thanks.


38 posted on 03/01/2018 10:38:14 AM PST by Rushmore Rocks
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To: Cletus.D.Yokel

And the lord Gore spake, saying: “Ye shalt levy a tax on whatever problem that there shalt be, and the government, being thereby funded, shalt administer the funds to increase the bounty of its largess that the people may agree to suffer it ever more powers and ever more taxes. For, lo, though you walk through the valley of the shadow of staged crisis ye shalt fear no dissent, thy safe spaces shalt be apportioned (unless thee be a white Christian and male) and thy welfare hold out as long as the economy shalt last.”


39 posted on 03/01/2018 10:39:31 AM PST by Rurudyne (Standup Philosopher)
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To: Rurudyne

I don’t smoke Spanish


40 posted on 03/01/2018 10:40:00 AM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Tryin' hard to win the No-Bull Prize.)
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